Doobie looked like Fabian. 

If you don't remember who Fabian was, you are probably too young to read this blog.

Anyway, Fabian was the Brad Pitt of the "Baby Boomer" generation. All the girls loved Fabian, and all the girls loved Doobie.
In fact, Doobie and I met because of this "girl problem" that he had.

Doobie moved to my school district when we were in the fifth grade. Every single girl in the fifth and sixth grade loved him! 

Well, needless to say, all the boys got jealous and
were planning to beat the "heiliger bimbam" out of him.

Okay, please forgive me for what I'm about to say, but I’m only stating a true fact.
I know I'm going to sound conceited, but this is part of the story. So don't get on my case when I say this. Alright?

I was very strong as a child. Not that big, but very
strong. At least, twice as strong as my peers. (Except maybe for Danny Thompson, but he didn't count because he was considerably older...almost 15 months if my memory serves me, and in the sixth grade)

I made it my goal in life to help kids that got picked on.
You know like the Lone Ranger, Superman and Zorro would have done when they were kids.
Sooooo,when the boys were about to kick the "holy moly" out of Doobie, I said, "don't do that", and they didn't, because I had a “rep”.

Doobie was very happy and we became best friends for life.

We were perfect best friends. 
He was hot, I was not.
He was a talker, I was a listener. 
He wore cool clothes, I didn't care what I threw on. 
His hair was perfect, mine was a-hay-stack after a windstorm. 
He was outgoing and friendly, I was super shy.

We were a great team!

I also liked the fact that he drew the "babes" around him.
Of course, I was too shy to talk to them, but I liked
being close to all of those beautiful " Doobie Groupies".

Let's just say that Doobie and I were like Poncho and
Cisco, Fred and Barney, Ralph and Norton, Thelma and Louise.

No! No! Wait a minute! I didn't mean Thelma and Louise!
No'. Scratch that!
How about, let's see... I've got it! Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis. Yeah, that's the ticket! Dean and Jerry, Martin and Lewis!

Doobie Test

1. Doobie was hideously ugly? Yes or No.
2. Doobie was twice as strong as his peers? Yes or No
3. Sadly, Doobie was much too shy to ever speak to a
person of the feminine gender. Yes or No.
4. Doobie looked like Fabio. Yes or No.
5. Doobie was actually Fabian, and I had to disguise his true identity for obvious reasons. True or False.


But, not so fast!
We are not through with Doobie yet.

Our school was having a talent contest. Sooooooo,
Doobie and me decided to sign up for it.
The Doobmeister could play two guitar chords on his
"git fiddle" and we both could sing passably, but that was not the best part by any stretch of the
imagination.
The afore mentioned "best part" was that we found the most super fantastic song in the whole wide worm to sing.

The epitome of an awesome, magnificent, yet sweet,
song for the ages.

Here are the words to this classic ballad of all ballads, but not nearly as good as when it was performed by the great Tom Lehrer:

The Irish Ballad
Disclaimer: This song was written (not by me) long ago, so any similarities between current events and the words to this politically incorrect song is purely coincidental!
This is the song Doobie and I sang, and these are the actual worms!

About a maid I'll sing a song,

sing rickety-tickety-tin,

about a maid I sing'a Song',

who didn't have her family long,

not only did she do them wrong,

she did everyone of them in, them in,

she did everyone of them in.

One morning in a fit of pique,

sing rickety-tickety-tin,

one morning in a fit of pique,

she drowned her father in the creek,

the water tasted bad for a week,

and we had to make do with gin, with gin,

we had to make do with gin.

Her mother she could never stand,

sing rickety-tickety-tin,

her mother she could never stand,

and so a cyanide soup she planned,

the mother died with a spoon in her hand,

and her face in a hideous grin,

a grin, her face in a hideous grin.

She set her sisters hair on fire,

rickety-tickety-tin,

she set her sister's hair on fire,

and as the smoke and flame rose high'r,

danced around the funeral pyre,

playin' a violin, -olin,

playin' a violin.

She weighted her brother down with stones,

rickety-tickety-tin,

she weighted her brother down with stones,

and sent him off to Davy Jones,

all they ever found were some bones,

and occasional pieces of skin, of skin,

occasional pieces of skin.

One day when she had nothing to do,

rickety-tickety-tin,

one day when she had nothing to do,

she cut her baby brother in two,

and served him up as an Irish stew,

and invited the neighbors in, -bors in,

invited the neighbors in.

And when at last the police came by,

rickety-tickety-tin,

and when at last the police came by,

her little pranks, she did not deny,

to do so she would have had to lie, and lying she 

knew was a sin, a sin, lying, she knew was a sin.

Well now, Doobie and me were kind of shocked when the song didn't even get past the "little old lady" teachers/screeners. 

We didn't know what " a-bomb-a-nation" meant, either!

It was sad because we really thought that song would
touch the hearts of our fellow students in a twisted sort of way.

Truthfully, me and Doobie were relieved. The thought of singing in front of the whole school, scared us sh__less!