I'm Not A Slacker...Or Am I? 

I can only imagine your confused frustration at my lack of blog postings these past few weeks.  

Your desperado moanings and wailings for Bloggadocious 222, to bring amazement, fun, profundity,  secret knowledge and bizarreness into your uneventful lives have NOT gone unheard!

Although you may suspect that I've been a major slacker (Major Slacker...a good military name), that's not totally true.

I've been concentrating on my avant garde  songwriting skills, which have been described as "different"... "unique" ... "oddly amusing"...

a·vant-garde

/ˌaväntˈɡärd/

noun

1. new and unusual or experimental ideas, especially in the arts, or the people introducing them.

   "works by artists of the Russian avant-garde"

adjective

1. favoring or introducing experimental or unusual ideas.

   "a controversial avant-garde composer"

 And really terrible!!

Here are dos examples of my recent tunes, folks....

If you actually take the tom to listen to the songs, please comment on my YouTube page. If you do not have the tom, or courage to listen, please have a great day!!

Tom, who? 

What the hay!!!

Freewheelin' Friday Folks! 

I'm calling this blog posting "Freewheelin' Friday," because I have no idea what I'll be writing about! 

I'm just making it up as I go along with no preconceived ideas to stifle free flowing thought.

My brain leads me to a place of happiness and frolicking in the in the midst of a cold January morn. 

Me thou art a friend of fearless frolicking for fun, folks!

However, not until spring bursts forth in it's radiant majesty and glory...because I don't wanna freeze my butt off!

My semi-lucid mind keeps returning to the time when candy bars were 5 cents and I would frolic down the avenue with a pure sense of well being, knowing that things would NEVER change. 

Yeah...right. 

Well, this brings me to the point of this blog. I just came up with the point!

No matter what you do! 

No matter what happens to you!

Don't let this world make you blue!!

AND KEEP ON SMILIN'!!!!!

And don't forget to FROLIC...weather permitting!!! 

Out Of This World Wednesday Devising A Plan! 

Let's redundantly go over last weeks episode, shall we?

The great and powerful Supreme High Commander of the Glirkazoids has revealed the next death defying mission for our two intrepid superheroes, Gary and Rosie. 

in·trep·id

/inˈtrepəd/

Learn to pronounce

adjective

1. fearless; adventurous (often used for rhetorical or humorous effect).

   "our intrepid reporter"travel
2. 
   

They are to stop the flagrant littering on planet Z70, at the risk of their cute little lives!

Gary - "I don't get it, Rosie. The Supreme high commander wants us to STOP the Zoobilites from littering, right?"

Rosie - "Righto!"

Gary - "I'm glad you agree."

Rosie - "NO! You're stepping on my RIGHT TOE, you chowderhead!"

Gary - "So sorry! I'm just a bit confused about what the Supreme High Commander said."

Rosie - "It was very simple, airhead! The SHC wants us to travel to planet Z70 and stop the Zoobilites from trashing the whole dang planet with tons of ugly litter!"

Gary - "Okay. Then why did the Supreme say the Zoobilites would emulsificate us if we TOUCH their litter? Are we going there to stop the Zoobilites from littering or pick up their nasty litter?"

Various and sundry emulsificator weapons.

Rosie - "Well, I actually think he meant BOTH, because I just noticed we have a delivery of 2.7 glazillion litter bags on our loading ramp to the Silver Sausage spazeship!"

Gary - "Aha! I knew it! We are simply glorified trash collectors who will risk life and limb to clean up Z70 and prevent the further literfication of a small, insignificant planet, right?"

Z70 is one of those tiny dots in the background ↖

Rosie - "Sounds about right, Buster Brown.

Gary - "Okay, I'm in! Maybe I'll find some treasures in the trash, Mrs Calabash! By the way, who's Buster Brown?"

Rosie - "Never mind that. Who's Mrs Calabash?"

Glirkazoids enjoy repeating iconic earth names like Buster Brown, Mrs Calabash, Tom Terrific, Orson Bean, Clu Gulager, Twiggy and many more...as a brief escape from their boring Glirkazoidian lingo. 

Rosie - "We need to devise a plan, Gary! A brilliant plan that will prevent the Zoobilites from littering AND remove all of the mountains of trash from Z70!!"

Gary - "I've got it! Blow up the whole stupid planet and forgettaboudit!"

Rosie - "Ha ha. I know you're joking, Gary...and our readers know you're joking as  well...right? Right?"

Gary - "Ah...sure they do, girl! I mean..um..blow up a planet? Uh, nooooo...I'd NEVER blow up a planet...even if it was a dirty, filthy garbage heap, filled with dirty, stinky inhabitants."

Rosie - "Okay! Your words instill confidence in our hearts...I think."

Alrighty then! Will our Glirkazoid geniuses devise a brilliant plan?

Will Gary refrain from obliterating that miserable planet?

Will Rosie refrain from obliterating Gary for being a total knucklehead?

Find all these answers and more in the next....

Ryan Reynolds or Chris Pratt? 

For a long time I'd confuse Ryan Reynolds with Chris Pratt. 

Maybe because they are both  action heroes, good looking, and their characters have a funny, sharp witted attitude!

https://www.cinemablend.com/new/30-Funniest-Deadpool-Quotes-112257.html

Kind of like when I'd confuse Ricardo Montalban, Fernando Lamas and Cesar Romero.

Not the REAL Ricardo Montalban, Fernando Lamas and Cesar Romero.

I keep the Reynolds/Pratt mix up straight by thinkin' to myself, Reynolds was the "star"of Guradians Of The Galaxy and Pratt had the lead role in Deadpool. 

Or is it the other way around? 

Anyway, I believe Reynolds is the better actor when it comes to being a smart aleck. 

Ryan has such a quick abrasive delivery, that is FUNNY at the same time, whereas Chris is better at playing the fall guy that is more vulnerable, but still heroic...I THINK.

It might be totally opposite, but I'm pretty sure I may be incorrect. 

Now Pratt was also in the latest Jurassic Park movie, or was it Ryan Reynolds?

I'll check. 

This photo makes it clear.

So, now you guys and gals are axing me, why even bring this stupid stuff up? It's not even impotent!

It's to take our minds off the extremely scary stuff going on in Washington D.C. 

Shoot! I just inadvertently brought it up! Which is totally opposite of my original goal! 

Sorry!!

MLK Day Peace Poem 

I remember in my teens I saw,

Mr. King breaking down the wall, 

That separated black and white,

And he did this all, without a fight.

His words were powerful and strong,

As he led a peaceful throng,

Who did not destroy or loot and steal,

But risked their lives, to share a meal,

With others of a different race,

Who cussed them after saying grace. 

We pray for peace on Martin's day,

This violent world, let's not obey,

Love everyone, for them we'll pray,

And live our lives in Martin's way. 

 

Maintain Mild Mellow Mood

It will do us good to listen to this song whilst reading blog.

More than a handful of my own family and friends are getting mighty upset over the dysfunctional society we find ourselves immersed in today.

Does getting freaked out over stuff help anything? Absolutely not, brothers and sisters.

When I'm totally discombobulated about something, I don't think clearly and make dumb decisions. 

On the udder hand, when I'm feelin' cool, mild and mellow, I still make dumb decisions, but not as dumb as when I'm irritated or angry.

Image of udder hand. 

Here's my ode to mellowness...

Be a happy gal or fellow, be mellow,

Let your heart be soft as jello...be mellow,

Don't let Trump or Nan Pelosi,

Make you into Bela Lugosi, 

Make your words sweet like a cello,

Be mellow.

Okay folks, I'm not saying that Bela Lugosi was ACTUALLY evil, but he played the evil Dracula so convincingly we THINK he was really evil. At least, I do. 

So, if you're reading this...and I know you are...mellow out!

It will help your heart, physically and spiritually. It will make folks like you more. It will clear up your complexion. Prolong your life and relax your tight muscles. 

Of course, if you are already mellow, like the abundance of my readers, you know of which I speak.

This could be YOU! 

If you're a beautiful woman who has a private bridge in a tropical garden , state of the art headphones, and can afford Yoga classes.

You may click off the Olivia Newton John song now, if it hasn't already stopped. Thanks! 

 

My State Of The Onion Address

My fellow Americans. A lot of folks think onions are gross and taste really nasty. However, the sweet Vidalia onions are not hot and harsh at all. Especially when they are sautéed in butter!

At the Maness household we eat onions every day, at every meal. 

Why? 

The answer may be a bit mysterious and confusing to the vast minority of individuals.

Would you like to know the answer, even though you may not comprehend the deep meaning?

No?

Okay. I don't blame you. With America going into such a death spiral at this point in tom (1/14/2021), the reason we eat onions is so miniscule in comparison. 

On the other hand, if I've discovered that onions are the secret to long life and happiness, you'd be more interested! Right? Am I right?

Unfortunately, I've NOT discovered any "fountain of youth" benefits in onions, whatsoever. 

Um. Let's see. I forgot my point. 

Speaking of onions, the onion peels are so incredibly messy! I try to keep them from going all over the kitchen counter and floor, but to no avail!

In addition, if they are even slightly wet you cannot remove them from your fingers without MAXIMUM effort!!

Paul McCartney taught me how to mince onions in a video, where he tells us he learned this from his wife, Linda. Check it out at about 2:36 ↓

I hope you checked it out, because it's so cool to see an iconic figure like Sir Paul McCartney humbly peeling and mincing an onion! 

Okay, I guess I've kept you in suspense long enough. The real reason I eat onions every day is because aliens from another dimension recommended it.

 I don't know why they suggested onions, but who's gonna argue with giant lizard creatures? 

Just kidding! We just like onions and I thought the "state of the onion" was a good play on worms!