OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY

Episode Two

Golden Chicken of Kluck

I hope you all read episode one, because I do not have the time or money to review EVERYTHING from that episode! However, here is a brief excerpt to keep you in the time continuum...

"Our mission, if we decide to accept it, is to travel to the farthest reaches of Wilbur, and bring back the Golden Chicken of Kluck, which the Sophomorusians swiped from the Glirkazoid Museum Of Chicken Shaped Artifacts, 222,000 spazeyears ago!"

If none of this makes sense to you, just go back to episode one! It probably won't help, but at least I'll get more views on my blog! And isn't that what it's all about?

As Rosie and Gary make their way across Wilbur (AKA the Grand Universe) they see an image of Garry Shandling, floating gently through the starry vastness. (Just a brief tribute to the dude)

Rosie - "So let me get this straight. We are traveling clear across Wilbur, to the planet of Sophomore, to retrieve a chicken?"

Sophomore

Gary - "This is not merely a chicken, my little chickadee! The Golden Chicken of Kluck is the most valuable artifact ever ensconced in the Museum of Chicken Shaped Artifacts in the whole dang history of our planet!"

Not the actual Museum of Chicken Shaped Artifacts

Rosie - "What's the big deal? Who cares if it's worth a few bucks? Get it, Gary? A few BUCKS!!"

Gary - "You're not taking this seriously, my foolish friend! This mission is greater than you think!"

Rosie - "Well, this mission doesn't sound very EGG-citing, if you ask me!"

Gary - "Stop with the yokes...I mean JOKES...now you've got me doing it!!"

Rosie - "Oh, don't get your feathers ruffled, Foghorn Leghorn!"

Gary - "Cut it out, Rosie, and let me explain the real significance of the Golden Chicken of Kluck, woudja?"

Rosie - "Okay, okay! Go ahead and beak...I mean, speak."

Gary - "Anyway...when our planet of Glirka had possession of the Golden Chicken, every year, at the first new moon after the spring equinox, about 3:37 in the afternoon, the Golden Chicken of Kluck would come to life...














Rosie - "And lay golden eggs, right! Am I right? It laid golden eggs, didn't it?!

Gary - "Wrongo! You jumper to conclusioner! Now let ME tell the story!"

Rosie - "Gourd head...I mean go ahead, spazeboy!"

Gary - "The Golden Chicken of Kluck would come to life, and, and (building suspense), and...lay PLATINUM eggs!!!"

Rosie - "Oh, good grief, Gary! Whats the difference between gold and platinum?"

Gary - "About 300 bucks, but that's not the point! For 24 parsecians (24 earth hours) the Golden Chicken of Kluck would lay platinum eggs continuously, without stopping! This, of course, would finance the whole planet of Glirka for the entire year!"

Rosie - "Wow, Gary! So, now the Sophomorusians are getting all the platinum eggs! Those dirty poachers! Ha ha! Get it? Eggs...poached...poachers!

Gary - "I can see you're still not taking this seriously, Rosie."

Rosie - "Sure I am, BUCK Rogers, I'm willing to brave this mission! I ain't CHICKEN!!!" 

Gary - "Oh, good grief!!"

We hope you're not too chicken to join us next week for the amazing adventures of Rosie and Gary, in...

OUT

OF

THIS 

WORLD

WEDNESDAY...WEDNESDAY...

WEDNESDAY...WEDNESDAY...

OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY

EPISODE ONE

We cannot even remotely dream of the ways our super legendary, um, legends, Rosie and Gary, tool around their universe, and all the OTHER universes that float aimlessly in the middle of the "grand universe," that is nicknamed, Wilbur! 

Wilbur

Our beloved spazetronauts will go to the distant reaches of Wilbur, using a sophisticated warp drive system that propels the Silver Sausage at mega-light speeds...which is faster than a fat man going to Golden Corral Buffet!!

In addition, they utilize time travel, which Rosie calls tom travel, due to her cute accent... inter-dimensional travel, which means traveling to different, diverse, disorganized dimensions...solar sailing, with golden wings, powered by the sun, kind of like Daedalus and Icarus, with better results! (You remember what happened to Icarus, don't you?) 

They can also travel by mind bicycle, which uses the power of the mind to create an energy packed, virtual spaze  bicycle, that can be utilized in the case of extreme emergency, where freakin' fear provides the stimulus to make it actually work!

What's the point of all this, you axe so National Enquirerly?

The point is that anytime you see what you perceive to be a mistake about dates, ages, epochs, millenniums...you know... like when I say something was a billion years ago, but in the next episode it was a TRILLION years ago...it's just the fact that Gary and Rosie are always changing from one time to another, or one dimension to another, and everything is in constant flux!

It is NOT that the writer of this blog is so old and forgetful, he can't remember what he wrote last week, let alone a year or more ago!!

Now, where was I?

Don't tell me, it was only 30 seconds ago!! 

Oh, well. How have you been doing? 

Hey, Big Gaz! I absolutely loved your last Bogan News! The chickens and cows blowing up are AWESOME!! 

Rhymesauce, hows about this for the subject matter of a rhyme...Toilets, commodes, eternally slandered, Eljer, Kohler, and American Standard!!

Dear Mim, did you get your new computer yet? I hope so! Of course, how can you answer me if...

Wait a minute, I REMEMBER WHERE I WAS AT NOW!!!

Cool! I was just about to begin Episode One in the latest OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY series!!

My reality fades in and out, like the sound of an A.M. radio, in a car, whilst driving up and down the Ozark mountains! 

The Silver Sausage spazeship was in perfect condition! 

All of the newest, state-of-the-art, shiny gadgets, and Glirkazoidian whatchamacallits of high tech scientifical advancements was incorporated into the ship's infrastructure. 

Gary - "Gee willikers, Rosie! The Silver Sausage has the WORKS!"

Rosie - "Indeed it do, Gary!
"New, sophisticated weapons systems...communication devices that wll allow us to talk with ANY life form...a billion toms faster warp speed...easier tom travel, inter dimensional travel, solar sailing, and mind bicycling!!!"

Solar Sailor 

Gary - "What are you talking about? By the WORKS, I meant the new pin ball machine and COFFEE MACHINE in one! Oh, baby, that's what I'm talkin' about!!!"

Rosie - "I should have known, "skeezix!"

Gary - "Rosie, I'm getting a text message on my flip phone, from the ancient, High Glirkheads!" (He is so excited he stumbles across the whole deck, running for his seldom used flip phone!)

Rosie - " The High Glirkheads may be the wisest, all knowingest, prophet-like dudes on our planet, but high tech, they are NOT! 


Gary - (On the phone) "Uh-huh. You don't say! You don't say!! Yeah. You DON'T SAY!!!" (He flips the flip phone closed)

Rosie - "What is our new mission, bojangles?" (The Bojangles was in reference to his little "dance" he did across the deck)

Gary - "They didn't say! Haha! Just funnin' wit ya, Rosie!! 
"Our mission, if we decide to accept it, is to travel to the farthest reaches of Wilbur, and bring back the Golden Chicken of Kluck, which the Sophomorusians swiped from the Glirkazoid Museum Of Chicken Shaped Artifacts, 222,000 spazeyears ago!"

Rosie - "What do you mean, "if we decide to accept it." We have no choice! It's do it, or get totally emulsificated by the Supreme High Glirkheads!" 

Wowie zowie!! What an amazingly cool and bizarre beginning, to what will prove to be one of the GREATEST adventures of all adventures, of ANY adventurers, super heroes, or even SUPERMAN kind of characters of all tom!!!!

Join us next week for Episode Two of OUT OF THIS WORLD 
WEDNESDAY...if ya got the guts!!!

OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY

EPISODE FIVE

Poor, dear, sweet Rosie has been ambushed by one of the fiercest, nastiest, ugliest creatures in the whole dang universe!! 

A QWERTYASTROPOTOMUS!!!!

Quertyastropotomus

Ain't he just Walmart butt ugly?!!

Besides being 657 feet tall, with teeth as big as a Mcdonald's highway restaurant sign...he is highly intelligent, with lasers in his eyes, and skin that is tougher than 100 layers of Kevlar!!!

Rosie - "Oh, shazam! Here I am, out here alone, fixing the cull shield on the Silver Sausage Spazeship, and a vicious quertyastropotomus is about to devour my little self!!"

At that instant, our brave Gary leaps out of the Silver Sausage, prepared for battle!!!

Gary- "Have no fear, my dear, I am here, to slay the qwertyastropotomus, from top to bottomus!!"

Gary taunts the abominable beast, to draw his  attention away from his beloved Rosie!!

Gary - "Hey, big, dumb and ugly! Why not pick on somebody more your size, you poor excuse for a lower life form!!

Actually, Gary is only half an inch taller than Rosie, but when you're talking to a 657 foot tall monster you need every psychological advantage you can get. 

The taunting works, and the gigantic monstrosity fires two powerful laser beams from his horrible green eyes, at our heroic Gary! 

Gary is not even fazed by the direct hit, because he is wearing his stylish laser proof spaze suit!! 

Gary - "Is zat all ya got, lizard lips?!! Hows about a blast from my super sized emulsificator weapon?!!"

Gary fires the weapon with a blast that could knock down the Giant Fortress Of  Amalakek...but it only causes the qwertyastropotomus to stumble back two baby steps!!

Giant fortress of Amalakek

Rosie - "That is one tough cookie, Gary! I'm running over to help you!"

Gary - "Don't be a fool, Rosie! Stay behind that rock, until it's all over!"

Rosie - "No way, ho-zay!!!"

As Rosie is running, like Rudy The Rabbit, over to Gary, they hear a tremendously loud FART sound coming from the qwertastropotomuses bum!

Oh, if only it was JUST flatulence! No, no! Instead, about a thousand "death dealing devil drones" have swarmed from the monsters arse, to sting Rosie in places she ain't never been stung before!!!

Quick as a beautiful white stallion, Gary pulls out his Lone Ranger lunch box!

Rosie - "This is no time for lunch, you knucklehead! Save me from all these devil drones!!"

Gary - "No worries, my beateous flower...my Lone Ranger lunch box just happens to contain my super powerful creature repellent! One little squirt, and the devil drones are history!!"

Gary squirts one little squirt, and the devil drones drop like...uh...let's see...flies!! That's it! They drop like cartoon flies in a Raid commercial!!

Now Gary begins to apply Chapstick to his own bodacious lips. 

Lips?

Rosie - "Is that Chapstick another form of monster repellent, Gary?"

Gary - "No. My lips are just dry."

Rosie - "Oh. So what are ya doin' with the tweezers, Mars Bar, and grabbit's foot?"

Gary - "Aha! Now that's all part of my plan, my dear Rosie!!

"Qwertyastropotomuses LOVE Mars Bars, so that will draw him close. After he comes carelessly close, I'll pull one of his toe hairs with these tweezers. That causes excruciating pain to a qwertyastropotomus, and the grabbit's foot is for good luck that he doesn't stomp me in to a mushy blob!"

Rosie - "It's working, Gary! The beast is coming close to you and eating your Mars Bar, and now he's in excruciating pain, since you've plucked him, and he hasn't mushed you yet, due to the grabbit's foot!! Now whatta ya gonna do?"

Gary - "The fiesta rezis- tonce, Rosie!!"

Gary whips out his photo of Steve Urkel, and holds it in front of the qwertyastropotomus! The gigantic beast begins to laugh and then crack, and starts falling to pieces in big chunks! 

Rosie - "Gary! My hero! How did you know that photo of Steve Urkel would destroy the horrible qwertyastropotomus?"

Gary - " You know how Steve Urkel cracks us up, right."

Rosie - "He does, but not like that!!"

Gary - "Well, I knew this qwertyastropotomus was trillions of years old, by counting the rings around his ankles, and most likely had not laughed for billions of years! This made him very dry and brittle on the inside, so when he cracked up, he LITERALLY cracked up!!"

Rosie - "You actually put a thermal nucleated bomb in the Mars Bar, didn't ya?"

Gary - "Yeah, but the Urkel story was much better."

Rosie - "Shut up, and hand me that pheckle wrench, you weirdo. We need to fix the Silver Sausage for our next adventure of OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY!!!!