My Conversation With "The Donald"About His Speech Tonight

Me...(Answering my flip phone) "Hello?"

The Donald..."Hi, Danny, it's "The Donald" calling again, you sound like you're doing beautiful!"

Me..."How ya doin', "The Donald," what seems to be the problem THIS time?"

The Donald..."Well, you may have heard that I'm giving a speech tonight about my big beautiful wall, and uh, I REALLY don't know what to say."

Me..."First off, is it STILL a big beautiful wall, or a steel slat fence?"

The Donald..."Let me check. At this moment in time it's a steel fence, made from good ole American steel!"

Me..."Okay, will it stretch from California to Texas in a continuous, unbroken pattern?"

The Donald..."Let me check. No. Now it will just be in places where we REALLY need it."

Me..."How much money are you asking for to build the fence?"

The Donald..."Let me check. Right now, about 5 billion!"

Me..."Alrighty, then. Here is what I would say to the American people..."Remember the BIG, BEAUTIFUL, CONCRETE wall I promised you, with BIG, BEAUTIFUL DOORS? Now, it's only gonna be a fence. And do you remember how I said it would protect our whole southern border? Now, it's only gonna protect a few areas of the border. But you may also remember how it would cost more than 50 billion dollars? Now, it's only 5 billion! What a deal! I'm saving the country 45 billion dollars!!" 

The Donald... "Beautiful, Danny! That's as good as your suggestions about using Dennis Rodman to talk with Kim , calling Jeb Bush "low energy", and using a robot as Vice President!" 

Me..."No problemo. Prez! I'm here 24/7, and thanks for not telling anyone about my advisory position in your administration. I'm sure my friend, George Clooney, would not invite me to his parties anymore if that got out.