(Theme Song) (Allow about a minute to groove with the intro before talking.)
Gordo - Good morning, Goofy Ridge! Grab your shorty robes, hug your radio,
and crank up your hearing aids! The Gordo and Danny Show is
on the airwaves!
I'm Gordo Battoncia, with our demented, dysfunctional crew, here and there...like Danny Dublin, my
sarcastic, sidekick... and man that hurts, when he kicks me in the side!
Glen Thirsty,
with the Goofy Ridge traffic report...Ag news with The Lost Donkey...and our
gnarly news girl...Drulia Badley!!
Broadcasting from my house in Goofy Ridge, on
W.O.R. M. radio, A.M. The Big Worm wiggling out to you, live, to get you hooked
on the biggest, and only, radio station in Goofy Ridge, Illinois! With 10 watts of power, blasting out
trivial infornation, and confusing the logical since 2005!
Let's go to the basement and check in on Little Danny Dublin! Danny!
Are the cucarachas
biting down there again, Little Danny?
Little Danny - Top o' the mornin' to ya, Lardo! The creepy critters are leaving
me alone,
since the wee possum died down here! The smell could smack the blarney out of a leprechaun,
but, saints be praised, the dirty pests are on him instead of me!
Gordo - How many times do I have to tell you, it's GORDO, not Lardo, but I'm glad the
cucarachas are staying away, they could give you apoplexi!
Little Danny - Me dearly departed uncle from County Cork suffered from apoplexi! It was very
painful in his neather regions! Me thinks he'd been playin' with the naughty lassies from Dillybong!
Me saintly mother would tell us profusely, "Stay away from the Dillybong teases, 'cause they
will give ya nasty diseases! She also said...
Gordo - Too much info, brother! You always share too much info, but no probleemo, we been
sued mucho times before! Good thing we ain't got no money! (Gordo does a little celebration
dance and a mariachi band cheer...what ever that is!)
This would be a good time to check with Glen Thirsty, in the bathroom (Or whatever room
you choose) our Goofy Ridge traffic guru! Hey, Glen, is this a good "elbow driving" day?
Glen Thirsty - (Obviously drunk) Hiiii! Girdle! Wha's elgibow driving, buddy? I have a hard time
driving with my HANDS! I love you, man! I really, really, really do, Girdy!
Gordo - Sounds like you had breakfast with Capt. Morgan again, dude! He makes EVERYONE your
amigo, doesn't he? Anyway, elbow driving is driving with the window down on a beautiful day,
sticking your elbow out of the window, listening to mellow music, and flirting with the girls in
convertibles...like Clark Griswold did with Christie Brinkley.
Glen Thirsty - I absoletely LOVE Bistey Crinkley, man! I love 'er, I love 'er, I love 'er...and
elgibow driving, and Chaplin Morgle...and I LOVE YOU, MAN!
Gordo - Caramba! Maybe we'll just skip the traffic report today. We only have
two streets in Goofy Ridge, and last year we had 222 alcohol related
accidents at our only stoplight, but Glen was at the scene EVERY TIME!
Speaking of accidents, let's go to the kitchen for our action news girl...Drulia Badley!
Drulia Badley - Groovy day, Gordo! This is, like, the action news, ya know, with, like, Drulia
Badley...Want something to blow your mind? The Goofy Ridge library was, like, broken in to
last night...and they took BOTH BOOKS! Wow, man! The Goofy Ridge police, ya know, want
us to be on the lookout, like, for somebody reading! Reading? Wow, what a concept!
Remember to not forget about the annual town festival, peeps! Goofy Days will, like, happen
in just two days, from, uh...today. Wow, if I only knew what day this is, gang! Hey, did
somebody, like, cook cabbage in the kitchen this morning?
The stink could knock a buzzard
off a poop wagon, man!
Gordo - Don't worry, Drulia, you're probably smelling the dead possum in the basement...or
maybe The Lost Donkey, our Ag reporter, who was here earlier! Let's go to The Lost Donkey, who
is out standing in his field!
The Lost Donkey - Gooood morning, Gordo! The...corn...is...as high...as...an elephants...eye...
and hogs...are as fat...as my Aunt Bertie's...cat! Ha...ha...ha...just...wanted...to...inject
a bit...of humor...in...my...report...
Gordo - We would love to hear more, The Lost, but the show is only 3 hours long!
Danny, I hear you had an
Asian carp encounter this morning?
Little Danny - Sure n begora, I did, Lardo! There I was, strollin' along the loch, when a monster
Asian carp made a mighty leap out of the loch, swallowed me, and dove back into the loch! I thought
it was "shade balls" for me, and I was
thinkin' I'd soon be meetin' me sainted mother up in hiven, but I started to tickle the monster's
innerds, and he regurgitated me back on terra firma!
Gordo - Chihuahua, Little Danny! Maybe that's the smell everybody's been smelling! By the way,
this portion of the Gordo and Danny show is brought to you by, Uranus Used Cars! Don't have
money...go to Uranus! Don't have credit...go to Uranus! I got a 57 Chevy from Uranus! It doesn't
run, but it looks so cool sitting on the concrete blocks in my front yard! As Little Danny always says,
Don't kick the tires, kick Moonbeam the mechanic, at Uranus Used Cars!
On a serious note, some folks are complaining that our theme song sounds like the A.D.D. Wednesday
song from the Greg and Dan radio show! Ha ha ha! I'll play their song, and then ours, and you'll see
there is nada similarities!
(Maybe you can do a video of you groovin' to the music while it plays. I'll send you the songs)
Gordo - See what I mean? There's about as much difference in those themes as the difference
between, uh, "My Sweet Lord" and, uh, let me see..."He's So Fine!"
I just received a note from one of our listeners! Dear Gordo, your show sucks! Signed, Oscar!
Thank you very much, Oscar! You must be a grouch this morning! Anyway, it's good to know we
have a listener!
Speaking of bad breath...is your dog afraid to stand in front of you when you talk? When you
give a speech, does the room empty out? Does water run down your chin because it doesn't want
to go into your mouth? It could be your stinking breath, man! You need to try Dr. Moonies Breath
Revitilizer! Here's Glen Thirsty to tell you about it!
Glen Thirsty - Hallomatosis is the scientrific word for bad breasts! Dr. Boonies Breast Revisilizer
will make all your social contracts...more sociable! No more will peoples avoid you because of bad
breasts! Folks will even enjoy the smell! Want to be the life of the partay like ole Glen? Take Dr.
Roonies Breast Revisualators and...(passes out)
Gordo - Looks like we lost the signal to ole Glen! Hey, another note from ANOTHER listener!
Due to non payment of your electric bill, we will be shutting down your service today at 6:00
A.M. Aye chihuahua, not again! We've got 2 minutes! Might as well end the show with some flair!
(Do all the crazy stuff you want and I'll put in the music) (END)
(Feel free to add whatever you want, Michael! Put in words that are more hip! There is no hurry!
I will send you some clips of my parts, if you need them, but I think you've already got the idea,
brother! Just plain household backgrounds, simple makeup changes, and whatever you want to adlib!
The more fun WE have, will make it more fun for the viewers!)
