THOUGHTFUL THURSDAY
Being fat and ugly,
From the day that I was born,
No wonder that my mom and dad,
Were always so forlorn.
I looked like a gorilla,
Slumped over when I walked,
They would hand me a banana,
When I tried to talk.
The girls all called me Frankenstein,
They screamed when I walked by,
Dogs wouldn't even bite me,
And I made babies cry!
When the boys played baseball,
I thought that it was great,
That they let me sweep the dugout,
And used me as home plate.
My teachers always hated me,
They called me dumb and dunce,
And paddled me on my behind,
That happened more than once!
I was dirty as a little pig,
Had no friends because I stunk,
I listened to narcotic bands,
Jethro Tull and old Grand Funk.
I joined the Army at 19,
Thought I'd fight ole Charlie Cong,
Was such a dud they kicked me out,
That's when I bought a bong.
My hippy days were dreamlike,
But working was a bummer,
The "weed" just made me fatter,
And the "acid" made me dumber!
I gave up drugs and whisky,
I know this may sound witless,
But from the pan into the fire,
I became a Jehovah's Witness.
I thought we were the "chosen ones,"
The rest would be destroyed,
I shared this with my relatives,
And they really got annoyed!
After about 30 years,
I came back to my senses,
And realized that I'd been conned,
My brain is just what dense is!
Right now, I'm 63 years old,
Health is failing, got no money,
But I've got my home and Yorkie,
And my little Donna, honey!
"It's a miracle," my friends do say,
"That you are still alive,
We thought that many moons ago,
You would not survive!"
I'm still all fat and ugly,
And dumber than a rock,
But God has let me live till now,
To walk Benji 'round the block.
Some days I feel a lot of pain,
Some days I'm feeling great,
If your over 60,
I'm sure you can relate.
So I wrote this poem to let you know,
Exactly how I feel,
About my life of sad obesity,
And being ugly as an eel!
BURMA SHAVE
