Spaze Pirates Can't Be Trusted...
Or Can They?
At the behest of the Glirkazoid Supreme Command, our great Glirkazoid glastronauts are W.A.R.P. ing their way through an uncharted region of treacherous spaze, in search of Krug the Kruddy!
One butt ugly dude...Krug the Kruddy
If they fail in their impossible mission, every good and gentle lifeform will be wiped away from existence in really nasty ways!
Example of good and gentle lifeforms.
Why is Krug so mean, cruel and ruthless!
He's MEAN because he had a miserable childhood, working in the Splekterrunian salt mines 240 hours a day!
He's CRUEL because his "friends" treated him cruelly, due to his extreme ugliness, stinkiness, and bad speech impediment!
He's ruthless because he ate his sister, Ruth, on her 400th birthday!
Gary
Gary -♪"Whilst zooming through the stars one day,
In the merry, merry month of May, ♪,
I was taken by surprise, by a pair of googly eyes,♪
♪It was Rosie who will help blow Krug away!!♪♪
Rosie
Rosie - "Shut up, Gary! You never take life seriously! Krug is the most powerful, death dealing, destroyer in all the universes and dimensions, and you have this cavalier attitude!!"
Chevy Cavalier
Gary - "What? I have the attitude of an ancient Earth car? Those Earth cars could not think, like cars on Glirka...except for "My Mother The Car" who was definitely NOT a Cavalier!!"
Rosie - "Never mind, Gary. We only have a one in a glirkasillion chance of even finding Krug in this unusually enormous expanse of spaze. In addition, we have to deal with spaze pirates, spaze viruses, asteroid fields, spazeship swallowing monsters, this olde Silver Sausage spazeship breaking down, the spaze "crazies," and so many negative possibilities it makes my head spin!"
Alien who has contracted the spaze "crazies!"
Gary - "PLEASE, NO! It's scary when your head spins! You look like..."
Rosie - "Regan, from The Exorcist movie?"
Gary - "No! An Earth owl! Creeeepy!!!"
Suddenly, the sound of metal clinks against the side of the Silver Sausage!!
Gary and Rosie peer out of a porthole and see a spazeship that looks very much like an olde Spanish galleon! It is shooting metal hooks that pierce the outer shell of the Silver Sausage, to pull themselves close enough to come aboard illegally!!
A large hook pulls open a hatch and a dozen "spaze pirates" saunter in!
saun·ter
/ˈsôn(t)ər/
verb
- walk in a slow, relaxed manner, without hurry or effort."Adam sauntered into the room
Gary - "Yes! I be Gary...I mean, I'm Admiral Gary and that's Admiral Rosie."
Rainbow Beard - "Aye! Rosie be a fetchin' wench! Are ye willin' to trade her for something of great value, matey? Something greater than gold doubloons, Admiral Gary?"
Gary - "Whatcha got?"
Rosie - "Whatcha got? Whatcha got!!! What am I, a tauntaun, that can be bought and sold at will?!! Listen, you rainbow bearded freak! Where I come from you don't go selling your friends to pervy pirates!! "
Tauntaun
Rainbow Beard - "Ye be a saucy wench, Rosie! Ha ha! Rainbow Beard is just pullin' your peg leg, me beauty! On the other hand, I do have an item that you spaze lubbers would treasure!"
Other Pirates - "Aye! Yo ho! Shiver me timbers! Where's the mizzen mast? It's mizzen!!"
Rosie - "Okay, I'll play along. What is it? And I DON'T HAVE A PEG LEG!!"
Rainbow Beard - "It be the starmap to Krug's secret lair, me pretty!!"
Gary - "How do we know it's real, R.B?"
Rainbow Beard lays the map on the instrument console and it comes to life! Actually showing a live video of Krug in real time, and the fastest route to get to his home planet! (kind of like Yahoo driving directions...but BETTER)
Rosie - "My daddy used to say, "Rosie, never clean your ears with a bobby pin, never eat tacos before bedtime, and above all, NEVER TRUST A PIRATE!!"
Gary - "So...what do you want for the starmap?"
Rosie - "GARY! Didn't you hear what I...
Rainbow Beard - "You're a wise Glirkazoid, Gary! All I be askin' is if ye fail to destroy Krug the Kruddy, Rainbow Beard get's the pink slip to the Silver Sausage."
Gary - "Done!"
Rosie - (Rosie whispers to Gary) "We don't have the pink slip to the Silver Sausage, it's owned by the Glirkazoid Military Industrial Complex, you fool!"
Other Pirates - "Aye! Yo ho! Shiver me timbers! Where's the mizzen mast? It's mizzen!!"
Rosie - "Okay, I'll play along. What is it? And I DON'T HAVE A PEG LEG!!"
Rainbow Beard - "It be the starmap to Krug's secret lair, me pretty!!"
Gary - "How do we know it's real, R.B?"
Rainbow Beard lays the map on the instrument console and it comes to life! Actually showing a live video of Krug in real time, and the fastest route to get to his home planet! (kind of like Yahoo driving directions...but BETTER)
The pirates begin to sing with joy...
Gary - "So...what do you want for the starmap?"
Rosie - "GARY! Didn't you hear what I...
Rainbow Beard - "You're a wise Glirkazoid, Gary! All I be askin' is if ye fail to destroy Krug the Kruddy, Rainbow Beard get's the pink slip to the Silver Sausage."
Gary - "Done!"
Rosie - (Rosie whispers to Gary) "We don't have the pink slip to the Silver Sausage, it's owned by the Glirkazoid Military Industrial Complex, you fool!"
Gary - (Gary whispers back to Rosie)"That's the point, Rosie, how can R.B. take what we don't own, hmmm?"
It's a deal, Rainbow Beard!!
Pirates begin to sing again...
Seriously? You, me, and Rosie are not so sure about this deal.
I'd rather trust a member of Congress than a pirate! Well, no, I take that back!
Let's just say that pirates are not known for their transparency. Ghosts are known for their transparency, but not pirates!
I'm anxious to see how all this works out, but I need to be patient until the next OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY!!!
