I had my regularly scheduled echo cardiogram (echo) this morning, and it's always a bit disconcerting to hear my heart sound like an old wringer washing machine!
On television doctor shows, the heart makes that familiar, solid, thump thump, thump thump sound, but when I get my "echo", it sounds like my old heart is making a slush slush, squish squish sound!!
The "echo lady" said that was normal, and that everybody's heart sounds like that on an "echo."
Then why doesn't it sound like that on T.V.?!!
I have to admit, I haven't really watched doctor shows since Ben Casey and Doctor Kildare, so maybe Grey's Anatomy and Doctor Who are more realistic, and have squish squish heart sounds. Doctor Who?
Yes, I know Doctor Who is a syfy show. That was my pathetic attempt at medical humor, or humour, if you're Doctor Who. Doctor Who?
By the way, I had cataracts removed from my eyeballs by Doctor Hu. This time I wasn't trying to be funny. Only pointing out a homophone. (Homophones are a type of homonym that also sound alike and have different meanings, but have different spellings.)
An "echo" is a lot like a sonogram for a man who's not gonna have a baby.
They spread that cold gel on your chest instead of your belly, and get a picture, like the picture, pictured above, under the washing machine photo, and you hear those squish squash sounds.
In my opinion, hearing my own heart make those splish splash sounds, gives me a feeling of vulnerability, a sense of mortality, as if I'm a complex machine, but as frail as a delicate wet flower, lying on the tracks of the New York subway system during rush hour, and knowing I can't remove myself before that big ole train comes along and turns me into a squishy mess, but then I think about how that BIG GARDENER IN THE SKY loves me, and will lift up my squishy mess to his bosom, and recreate me back to my flowery beauty.
Wow! They didn't even give me any drugs, and I'm talkin' way over my head!
Please don't send me any nasty messages, because I'm not a xenophobe, or even Xena-Warrior Princess, but the "echo lady" had an accent, and I couldn't tell if it was Russian, Guatemalan or whatever.
So I was having a bit of difficulty following her instructions. Here are some examples:
Echo Lady: "Daag ov u shur n le un dable."
Translation: "Take off your shirt and lay on the table."
Echo Lady: "Daag deeb brathe."
Translation: "Take a deep breath."
Echo Lady: "Moob un tyeur bog."
Translation: "Move on to your back."
Seriously, I have a deep respect for her, to have achieved such a technically challenging job is more than I could ever do! It's MY inability to quickly understand her speech patterns is the thing that frustrates me! I get so embarrassed when I ask folks to repeat themselves millions of times! (It seemed like millions of times)
What? What? What? What?
I'll just end with a song I wrote, that most of you have heard a million times (I'm sure it feels like it) , that has it's focus on a heart. If you've never heard it, I'm SHOCKED!
