Tuesday, November 26, 2019

We Just Can't Let Things Be, Can We?



How often I've made the mistake of messing with stuff that didn't need messed with, thereby creating a mess that did not need to be created in the first place!

This is not me as a two year old baby.

Example: The screw is in the screw hole just fine, but I think it needs one more turn to REALLY secure it firmly, right? What happens? I strip out the hole, and cause myself BIGGER problems! 



Example 2: I'm blowing up a really cool, expensive,  balloon for the grandkids, that came directly from Disney World. It looks super cool, but just one more blow will make it perfect, right? Well, you know what happens.




Whom ever has had a similar situation, please stand up. Okay, you may all be seated now, if you wish.



It's that thing about "going from the frying pan into the fire," or "the grass being greener on the other side," or "don't it always seem to go, that you don't know what you've got "till it's gone..."



Remember the teacher who you thought was so horrible, until you had old Miss (insert name here) the next year! 



Keep this in mind, when we are so eager to remove friends, family members, situations, bosses, jobs, cars, pets, Presidents, houses and horses from our lives, it's highly possible we will experience even worse stuff than before!! 



Conversely, changing situations, bosses, cars, Presidents (through valid elections), jobs, "friends" and houses can be of benefit, but leave us not do it in haste!! 

"Act in haste, repent at leisure."

How many times have we done something in haste, and later on down the road wished we had thought about it more carefully, because it didn't go too well?



Of course, who am I to suggest you do this or that? I can't even stop screwing a screw until I strip out the hole, or blowing up the baloon until...


Monday, November 25, 2019

The Sands Of Tom Keep Shifting Up And Down Like A Rolly Coaster



Happy Days Are Here Again, the skies above are clear again, let us sing a song of cheer again, Happy Days Are Here Again!! 



When the above song came out in circa 1929, twas right before the Great Depression, and little did they know the economic hardships that would follow until the WW II years were over. 



Why am I sharing this depressing news on a miserable Monday morning, making it more miserable than les miserables?


                                                Talk about miserable.

It's to illustrate how times are always a-changin'!


                                     Performed by Robert Zimmerman

Life is a giant rolly coaster, one day you're down, the next day you're up, one year you're doin' fine, the next year you're in the gutter, for two decades you're hungry, homeless and wretched, the next two decades you're living in the lap of luxury, on your yot yaat yaht... I never could spell yacht!



So..two things! If you are on top of the world at this moment in tom...feeling wonderful...happy...successful...it WILL all go downhill in the twinkling of an eye.



On the other hand, if you are at your rock bottom low ...no money... no friends...♪♪ nobody knows the trouble you've seen...♪♪...eventually you'll be ridin' high with the 1%, and won't know what hit ya!!! 



That's just the way it tis! 



Does anyone get my point? Raise your hand if you do. Let's see...one...oh, you were just stretching? Okay...ONE...sorry...yes, I see the crack on the ceiling. Anyone? ANYONE!! 

Where'd everybody go? 

ANYWAY, my point is not to lose hope when your situation seems hopeless, AND don't become cocky and arrogant when you're doing well!

Your whole wide worm can change at any tom, when you least expect it!



However, it may take a decade or two for your situation to change, but it WILL definitely change, according to my exhaustive calculations and ciphering! So keep the faith, man/girl!! 



Look at me. I should have hit the  'big tom",                      3 decades ago, and have I given up? Ha! NO WAY!!! 
I'm too dense!! And proud OF it!!! 


Disclaimeer: Any use of the words tom and worm are most generally for comedic purposes, or to irritate the nitpicky grammar police. We are not responsible for dense folks who may take my misuse of worms seriously. 

Friday, November 22, 2019

Why Is November So Winter..Wintry?




At 69 years of oldness I cannot remember a November so winter! Snow? Icy roads? Cold, bitter temps? What's with this November?!!


My ideal November.

I know that many of you dear readers don't have the same climate as me in central Illinois, U.S. of A., but I'm sure you feel my pain, right?




Well, even if you don't, I'll still whine about it, to release my frustration and stress.





I've always looked forward to the cool, mellow, colorful, crisp, hot chocolate feelings of November. 




A November of joyfully raking leaves, jumping in a pile of leaves, watching the dog or cat jump in a pile of leaves, raking them again, stuffing them in paper bags, dragging them to the curb, noticing that you've bagged up the dog and cat, releasing them, raking again, putting those leaves in new paper bags, dragging them to the curb, again, finding the bags torn up by the mean  naughty neighborhood kids the next morning, raking again...you get the point.




All the fun stuff I usually experience in November has been dampened by freezing rain, billions of snowflakes (not talking about college students), below zero wind chills, and icy, slippery, treacherous (especially for a teetering old dude like me) walking conditions, that could make me fall and break my tussie! 




I think you all know what it means for an almost septuagenarian to break his tussie, correct?




Let's just say, It ain't pretty, or painless when your tussie is cattywampus!!




Now, if the world is all bass akwards, as we all know it is, Christmas will be a balmy...
balm·y
/ˈbä(l)mē/
adjective
  1. 1.
    (of the weather) pleasantly warm.
 72 degrees, no snow, flowers will be blooming, and kids will be crying for a White Christmas.




In spite of everything I've opined about...


o·pine
/ōˈpīn/
verb
FORMAL
past tense: opined; past participle: opined
  1. hold and state as one's opinion.
    "“The man is a genius,” he opined
the important thing is to ignore the physical realm of external forces, like the weather, body aches and pains, squirrels in the attic, tight fitting clothes, the heartbreak of psoriasis...and do the old switcheroo, to spiritual, outer body, transmeditational, oddball thinking, that will allow you to be FREE! Even if "THEY" come and take you away to Happy Valley Sanitarium, you'll be free inside your own Kingdom of Me, Myself and I.



Wednesday, November 20, 2019

Out Of This World Wednesday
One Small Stinking Step




While our GREAT and GORGEOUS Glirkazoids prepare to travel a zillion liteyaros to Pyrotussin, cross the Sea Of  Megadeth, defeat the Deaf Dragon, climb the Stairway To Havens, and save the Magical Princess Of Pyrotussin, we listen in on their stimulating conversation...




Gary - (searching cardboard boxes) "Do you know where my old Converse sneakers are, Rosie? I'm gonna need them for this mission."

Rosie - "How would I know where those smelly old shoes have gone? Maybe they crawled off and died from old age and...and acute stinkiness!"




Gary - "No way! They would not abandon me like that. (Gary searches the boxes more frantically) It's imperative that I find those shoes for when we climb the Stairway To Havens!!"






Rosie - "Well, aren't we Positive Plutus! (Plutus was a Glirkazoid warrior/general who believed a force of 8 Glirkazoid warriors could defeat 8 billion Vicioustonians...barehanded...he was wrong) Before we even have a snowball's chance in Helbros to climb the Stairway To Havens, we need to...

1. Travel a zillion liteyaros of uncharted spaze!




2. Cross the Sea Of Megadeth!




3. Defeat the deadly, demon-like, Deaf Dragon!




4. AND...other stuff that will be written in later!!

Gary - "Rosie! Pleaaaaase help me find my sneakers, woudja?!"

Rosie walks over to the boxes, gives a quick sniff, and finds the dilapidated sneakers in a nano second!! However, she will not pick them up, and allows Gary to do the honors. 

Gary - "Thank you a quadracillion toms, Rosie! You won't regret this!!"

Rosie - (wearing  a breathing mask) "I already do, Gary... (her voice muffled by the breathing mask) I already do!"




Well, well, well...that's a deep subject!

Get it? Well? DEEP subject? No matter.

Sooner than a Sworillian Sunday soi·rée (Sworillians have a LOT of soi·rées), our gallant, Glirkazoid galaxy galavanters will embark on what MAY turn out to be their most exciting/funny/heart pounding/death defying mission to date!!








No! "To date" doesn't mean Rosie and Gary are going out for dinner and a movie. You guys are so matchmakey!!

Tuesday, November 19, 2019

What Do YOU Wanna Talk About?



As I walked Chevy in the sprinkling, cold rain this morning, I was taken aback by the special moment. Chevy NEVER walks in the rain! Especially COLD rain! He must have really needed to "go" badly!!




It's moments like these when we receive an ipiffany apifonee...I'll look it up...epiphany! 

Epiphany is an “Aha!” moment. As a literary device, epiphany (pronounced ih-pif–uh-nee) is the moment when a character is suddenly struck with a life-changing realization which changes the rest of the story. Often, an epiphany begins with a small, everyday occurrence or experience.

I came to realize that we can do things beyond our expectations if we want something bad enough. 




What? You already knew that? 



Well...uh...then...what do you wanna talk about? 



The stock market is doing "gangbusters!"

gang·bust·er
/ˈɡaNGˌbəstər/
noun
INFORMALNORTH AMERICAN
plural noun: gangbusters
    • very successful, especially commercially.
      modifier noun: gangbuster
      "the restaurant did a gangbuster business"


Of course, I ain't got no stocks, so I don't give a "pigs patoot!"



What else? Okay! Soon we will all need that "Real ID" card to fly anywhere, but since I never fly anywhere, it is a moot point for me.
moot point can be either an issue open for debate, or a matter of no practical value or importance because it's hypothetical. The latter is more common in modern American English.



According to a LOT of commercials, gold and silver should be bought NOW, because the value will climb through the roof when our economy crashes to smithereens! 
smith·er·eens
/ˌsmiT͟Həˈrēnz/
noun
INFORMAL
  1. small pieces.
    "a grenade blew him to smithereens"

Man! I'm really edjamacatin' you folks wit all these definitions! 

1. Who has the money to buy gold at 1400 dollars per troy ounce, and who's Troy, anyways?!!


2. Who has the money to buy silver at 17 smackers per ounce? That's 272 greenbacks per pound!!

Silver weighed 1250 lbs, which would make him worth 340,000 pazoozas today, if my ciphering is correct. 
ci·pher1
/ˈsīfər/
verb
gerund or present participle: ciphering
  1. 1.
    put (a message) into secret writing; encode.
  2. 2.
    ARCHAIC
    do arithmetic.


If any of you Bloggadocious 222 aficionados care to add an iota of newsworthy items to this particular posting, be our guest!