Out Of This World Wednesday

A New Adventure Awaits

As you rabid Out Of This World Wednesday fans know, the exciting episodes of Out Of This World Wednesday are more than just a bunch of silly spaze stories, but go way, way beyond the superficial realm of syfy comedy, into the deep, dark mysterious regions of the mind and soul!

The battling of monsters and dragons, evil cosmic villains, and dreaded interplanetary diseases are mere illustrations for what we earthlings experience in our semi-miserable lives every day. 

Gary and Rosie represent the dual personalities that each individual displays in times of tumult, terror, and trepidation.

At times, you're the smart, witty, sophisticated, Rosie, who is logical, brave, fearless and foxy...at other times, you can be the slow witted, fumbling, Gary, who is  always screwing up, but seems to prevail in the end, by sheer luck. By YOU I mean ME.

Who is this? ↑

Frankly..I'm mostly, Gary. Who are you? 

Anyway, all of you faithful readers know EXACTLY what I'm talking about, you newbies need to stick with the  OOTWW series until you understand the deeper, hidden meaning that permeates the inner sanctums of  these profound writings!

Let's begin our new Out Of This World Wednesday series, shall we?

Gary and Rosie have just returned home to their planet Glirka, after having obliterated the malevolent, Krug The Kruddy, who was responsible for the toilet paper shortage in the universe, among other nasty things. 

Gary is speaking into a microphone to record their adventure, for posterity?

Gary - "As Krug approached, I said, I don't care how big and fugly you are, fatty...I will single handedly emulsificate you into a puddle of liquid slime, buddy! Since Rosie was nowhere to be seen, I whipped out my emulsificator and..."

Rosie sneaks up behind Gary.

Rosie -"Aren't you leaving out a few details, Gary? Like ME smacking Krug across the face with the Ancient Book Of Battles, and ME providing the applewood seasoning to make Krug sneeze, when he had transformed himself into an aardvark and almost sucked us up, and ME emulsificating him along with you?"

Gary -"Details shmetails, Rosie! No one ever reads these boring reports anyways."

Rosie -"No one but the Glirkazoidian High Command, who give us promotions, pay increases, medals, and special honors!"

Gary - "Ha! Gotcha, Rosie!! I knew you were standing behind me all the time, and I was PRETENDING to leave you out of the report! Wow! You fell for my little joke!"

 Rosie - "Well, I got the last laugh, goofball! I ALREADY sent the full, accurate report to the High Command a few parcepts ago!"

Gary - "Uh, that's, um, great, Rosie! You're on the ball, girl! Responsible Rosie! That's you! Uh, super...then...I'll, um...be going, uh,,,now."

At that precise moment, a new mission appears on the New Missions Screen, and Rosie and Gary are totally flabbergasted!!

What is this flabbergasting new mission? 

Find out next week in...

How I Have Lived So Remarkably Long

This is not me...YET!

There's a reason I've lived to the ripe old age of seventy. It's because I avoid risky business. I have ALWAYS worn my seat belt, even before it was mandatory. I never picked up the bad habit of smoking. I gave up motorcycles at age 16, after I realized how stupid I was to ride with NO SEAT BELT, air bags, four wheels for stabilization, steel doors to protect me from collisions, no bumpers or safety glass, and the REAL possibility of being thrown off and skinned alive by the rough concrete on the highway!

The reason I bring this up is because of what happened to me at church yesterday.

I sing in the praise band at church. If you don't know what a praise band is, you must be a heathen! Just funnin' wit ya, folks! 

Anyway, a praise band performs more contemporary Christian songs, basically for younger folks who prefer newer music over the old traditional hymns. 

That's okay with me, except for the songs that keep repeating the same verses 60 times! ♪God is good, good...O God is good...♪God is good, good...O God is good...

♪God is good, good...O God is good...♪God is good, good...O God is good...♪God is good, good...O God is good...♪God is good, good...O God is good...♪♪ (repeat 60 times)

Getting back to the "no risky business" part, they opened our church back up yesterday, taking all the precautions necessary to keep us safe. Masks...social distancing...no passing the plate...it was GREAT!

However, when they asked me to sing with the praise band again, I refused. 

This is not me, but only a representation of me refusing to sing.

The praise band members do not wear masks when they sing, because that would be silly. They do not social distance very well, and folks spit a lot whilst singing, 

I'm sure they thought I was being overly cautious, but they are all young and fearless. 

I told them I am high risk, but I don't think they could wrap their young brains around that fact.

It's all good. Pastor Tom said I can wait untill I'm comfortable. That was cool!

I enjoy singing at church, but for now I'll sing with the rest of the, socially distanced, congregation.

Example (ABOVE)  of what NOT to do in these 

UNCERTAIN TIMES!!!

Ultimate Power Is So Much Fun!!

Okay, I understand that all these governors and mayors are trying to save every life they can possible save, but at times it seems like some of them are enjoying their role of ultimate ruler, dictator, and maker of all laws during this coronavirus disaster a bit too much.

Aren't laws supposed to be made by the legislature? How can one man just make up the rules off the top of his big fat head? 

For instance...

Advisor - "Everything is doing much better, governor! Are you ready to lift some of the restictions, boss?"

Governor - "Well, we need not move too fast, my friend. How's about in two weeks we'll let folks play golf, but only two at a time, open up the "weed" shops for folks who used to be hippies in the 60's, and allow people to walk their dogs, with masks...and the humans must wear a mask as well!"

Two weeks later.

Advisor - " Governor, the curve has been flattened, hospitalizations are way down, and the citizens want to get back to work! What say you?

The governor continues to eat his low cal snack while speaking.

Governor - "Even though my people are suffering, with no money for food, shelter, or fuel for their automobiles and homes, I MUST continue the working ban to save their lives! However, I'll benevolently allow them to wait in long lines for small portions of foodstuffs, walk through Walmart, with the approprite PPE, although they have no cash to actually buy anything, and look at their elderly relatives through the thick pane glass window at the nursing home. Please pass me the ketchup!"

Advisor - "May I share a story with you, governor?"

Governor - "Very well...while I'm eating my dessert."

Advisor - "A bear was attacking and killing the people of an Indian I mean, native American village.

The chief went to all the huts to inform them they needed to stay inside for a while for their own safety, and the people complied."

"As time went on, the people asked the chief when they could go out and hunt and fish, plant their corn, and do all the things needed to survive. The chief proclaimed that the bear was still out there, so they needed to stay in place!"

"This happened day after day, week after week, but after a long time the bear went away." 

"Happily, the chief ran to the huts, knocking on the doors to tell them the good news...but no one answered."

Governor - "Where did they go?"

Advisor - "They were DEAD you idiot!! He protected them WAY TO MUCH!!!!"

Governor - "I don't get it, but anyways, let's have some fun this week! If folks want to go to church, they MUST travel on pogo sticks, wear clown outfits and cluck like chickens! This ultimate power is really, really FUN!!! 

 buck buck buck buck buck

OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY

Epic Battle To The Death

If you can remember all the way back to last Wednesday, as few can, our Glirkazoid guy and gal, Gary and Rosie, are standing face to face with the hideously ugly, awfully powerful Krug The Kruddy!

Rosie - "Why not fight like a man, Krug, and stop your ridiculous shapeshifting, which is considered cheating, when you check the ancient Book Of Battles And Spaze Combat!"

Krug - I'll do battle as I wish, you Glirkazoid "mud slugs," as he changes himself into a Motaur! Besides, you know I can't read, anyways! So put that stupid book away!!

Suddenly, the evil Krug accelerates himself toward our heroes, and as soon as he is close enough, Rosie whops him across his creepy face with the ancient Book Of Battles And Spaze Combat, which causes him to, unceremoniously, wipe out!!

At that, the mighty Krug transforms himself into a gigantic Aardvark, and attempts to suck our Glirkazoid warriors into his snout! And just about the time Rosie and Gary are nearly vacuumed into that slimy proboscis...

Gary - "Rosie! Do you have any pepper on you?"

Rosie - "Pepper? This is no time to eat, lamebrain!!"

Gary - "No! Pepper will make Krug sneeze and blow us to safety!"

Rosie - "Good idea! Let's see...salt...parsley...

cumin...no, no pepper."

Gary - "Then we're doomed, girlfriend!"

Rosie - "I DO have some applewood seasoning."

Gary - "Applewood seasoning?! That's even better than pepper!! Sprinkle a bit around Krug's aardvark snout, but not too much, or he'll blow us into itty bitty bits!"

Sweet Rosie grabs her little bottle of applewood seasoning and sprinkles a tiny bit on Krug's aardvark snout.

Instantly, the enormous aardvark sneezes, and our Glirkazoid geniuses cry out "gesundheit," as they fly across the cavern to safety! 

Whilst Krug is having another sneezing fit, our gallant Glirkazoids bring out the BIG GUNS and emulsificate Krug into a big ugly puddle, that can never hurt another creature again! (Unless he comes back to life in the future, if I run out of ideas for monsters)

Gary - " Rosie! I thought you said shapeshifters revert back to their original forms when they're dead! Krug is just a puddle!"

Rosie - "That's because we emulsificated him a bit too much in our enthusiasm."

Gary - "So, does this mean he'll never come back to life, like most monster villains do?"

Rosie - "That depends on if the writer of this blog gets "writers block" and needs to bring him back, in a desperate attempt for SOMETHING to post!"

Gary - "How do you bring a monster villain back from an emulsificated puddle?"

Rosie - "There's ALWAYS a way, in Out Of This World Wednesday!

You Got Some Splainin' To Do!

I'm not sure why I decided to use these font colors today, because they're not the easiest to read for me, but I may be a bit color blind. Tell me if this combination of text and background colors are difficult to read for you. Thank you!

Okay, this is better. Although, the yellow background is kinda harsh, in my estimation, but I'll go with it, because pretty colors are nice, but communication is the key!

Enough with the colors! I need to get to the point of my blog! If there IS a point to my blog...EVER!

"Danny! We thought you were going with the yellow and blue, wha happin'?"

Very well, I'll go with the yellow and blue! Or, is it BLUE and YELLOW? What does it matter? I can't be wasting my time, and yours, on the color of the words! 

My point of the day is, uh, I mean, um,,,I forgot my point! 

Well, let's talk about YOU! Remember what Groucho Marx said many moons ago?

I think he meant...okay, I don't know what he meant. So that's where YOU come in! What the heck did Groucho mean? 

Keeping YOU involved and interactive, I ask this nuther question. What the heck does THIS mean, below?

Those words from Donald Rumsfeld have made my head spin for centuries! Who wants to dive in and splain them?

Finally, I need to go now! 

This is not me, but you get the point!

Bye!