ST. LOUIS SUNDAYS

My earliest recollection is of my wicked, red-haired sister
trying to kill me. In her twisted little mind she came up with a
devious plan to starve me to death. She would grab my baby
bottle, run and smash it! I guess I should really thank her,
because I always suspected Mom of poisoning my milk.

The "playground incident" will be etched in my brain
forever.



 Remember the movie Rebecca? Remember Miss
Danvers and that strange look in her eyes. (If you haven’t
seen the movie, go and rent it now, We will wait). O.K. Now
we all know about that strange look in Miss Danver's eyes.

My evil red-haired sister had that look when she said, “the
swings, the swings, you must walk in front of the swings”.
Well, back then, swings were lethal weapons. The seats
were made of two-inch thick oak boards with sharp pointed
corners. 

I, in my innocent youth, trusted the red-haired
demon and walked in front of that instrument of death. Last
thing I remember, they were putting fourteen stitches in my
head. But, ha! I survived! The ruthless, red-head’s plan didn’t
work. More important, my brain still functions nominally.

The “projects”. Yeah, that’s what we called ‘em. Sometimes
just the “jects” when were short on time. 

The “projects” were early communes. On any given day we would have over 2000 various ethnic, religious, and racial groups...

in our apartment alone! On holidays it was worse. On one New
Year’s Eve we had to order 27,000 White Castle hamburgers.

Then we couldn’t get to the bathroom because of the boxes. Of
course, that meant we – well, let’s not go there.
When we moved to the suburbs I was surprised our
family only had eight people.

In the projects you hang out of your window to talk to
people. That was really the only “cool” way to talk to
someone. However, if you fell out your window, you lost that
“cool” image.

Let me take a minute to dispel the ridiculous rumor that
people from the “projects” were used in horrible government
tests. Subjected to chemical and biological experiments like
human guinea pigs. 

Ha, Ha, Ha. What a laugh! I was born and
raised in the projects and I’m perfectly normal. One hen,
two ducks, three squawking geese. 143765GS – blue Neptune
– I repeat – red Saturn – Hey kids! What time is it? - The
frost is on the pumpkin – Alpha, Delta, Bravo, Zulu – Titanium
alloy conne----What the? Oh, sorry. I have those spells
about twice a week.


We would have “project parties” every now and then.
Everyone was invited.
They would get a little rowdy, but sometimes
respectable people would drop in, like the local doctor. Even
the priest would stop by. The police came often. SWAT
teams were regulars. Truck loads of F.B.I. guys. The
National Guard. Then we would need the doctor and priest
again.

Remember ushers at the movie theatre. Hey! I was only
a little baby! I’m not as old as it sounds. Anyway, my two
older brothers, Dave and Dick were ushers at the Fox
Theatre. They had a habit of trying to dress like the actors
in the movies that were playing.
One week Dave would dress like Marlon Brando and Dick
would dress like Rod Steiger. The next week Dave would be
James Dean and Dick would dress like Sal Mineo. They did this
week after week until the theatre showed “Some Like it Hot”.

Just a side note. Housing projects were designed and
built by creatures from a far distant, lost and extinct
universe. The location used to be, well, go outside and look
straight up and a little to the left. The creatures were
called Glirkazoids.

WHAT A WEIRD, ABRUPT ENDING TO ST. LOUIS SUNDAYS!