SATURDAY MORNING POST

SPACE CREATURES TRAVEL 100 LIGHT YEARS TO EARTH TO STUDY OBAMA ADMINISTRATION...TO USE AS A WEAPON FOR DESTROYING ENEMY CIVILIZATIONS 

AMELIA EARHART'S REMAINS DISCOVERED IN HAWAII...HER LUGGAGE FOUND IN ALASKA

SCIENTISTS DISCOVER THE REASON ASIAN CARP JUMP OUT OF THE ILLINOIS RIVER...BECAUSE IT'S THE ILLINOIS RIVER

ILLINOIS IS LAST REMAINING STATE TO HAVE LAW AGAINST CONCEALED CARRY...MAFIA AND GANGSTER LEADERS LOBBY TO KEEP THE STATUS QUO, FOR SOME REASON

JOAN RIVERS WANTS ANOTHER FACE LIFT SO SHE WILL BE ABLE TO LOOK AT THE STARS AT NIGHT WITHOUT TILTING HER HEAD BACK

CHRIS CHRISTIE NEEDS TO LOSE 100 POUNDS TO PLAY THE PART OF HORTON THE ELEPHANT IN BROADWAY STAGE PRODUCTION