CHAPTER 7
MR. ST. LOUIS
My big brother, Dave, built the Arch!
He was also a gymnastics champion in high school, the BEST at EVERY sport he tried, ran the obstacle course at Ft. Leonard Wood in record time, was handsomer than Steve Reeves, married a girl that looked like Sophia Loren or maybe Gina Lollobrigida (I couldn’t make up my mind on that), did construction work all over the U.S. ( that included the Alaskan Pipe Line and the St. Louis Arch), was a wonderful father to his 3 beautiful daughters, was good to his Mom and Dad; but apart from all that, he was Mr. St. Louis in 1955! (Before we continue; My brother didn’t build the Arch all by himself. He had other people assisting him.)
Mr. St. Louis! Wow! My own brother was Mr. St.Louis! ( It’s like Mr. Universe but his reign only extended as far as the St. Louis city limits and not throughout the whole universe.)
These were pre-steroid days when body builders looked like Hercules/Steve Reeves instead of the Incredible Hulk.
My brother looked like Michelangelo’s statue of David for REAL, minus the curly hair and being naked.
Oh, how I loved dropping the BIG BAD, “my brother is Mr. St. Louis" BOMB on my friends. It went something like this:
Billy- “My brother is the best pitcher on his baseball team!”
Tommy- “So what! My brother scored 3 touchdowns to win the championship last year!”
Me- “You don’t say".
Billy- “We do say! What did YOUR brother do?”
Me- “Oh, not much.”
Tommy- “I’ll bet he didn’t do ANYTHING!”
Me- “Hmmm. Let me think for a minute. Oh, yeah, now I remember. He was the St. Louis city champion in gymnastics, set the Army record for running the obstacle course, was one of the last guys to stand on top of the Arch before they put in the final piece, and now, let me see, uh, oh yes; He was Mr. St. Louis!”
Billy and Tommy- “HE WAS WHAT?”
Me- "Mr. St. Louis, goofballs! It’s like Mr. Universe but in St. Louis."
Tommy- “So he’s like SUPERMAN or something?"
Me- "Yeah. I guess you could say that."
Billy- "Oh, come on! Do you expect us to believe that bull!"
Tommy- "PROVE IT!"
Billy- "Yeah, PROVE IT!"
Those were the sweet words I’d been waiting for.
I took them to my house and my MOM ( The highest authority) verified everything I had told them; but wait till you hear the best part………………………………................................................ I guess you’ve waited long enough. My brother’s awesome gleaming Mr. St. Louis trophy was sitting majestically atop the Sylvania television for all the world to see! Even better, sometimes Dave was there at the house, in person, and he would let my buddies feel his biceps and tell them his Herculean-like stories and I swear, I thought my pals were gonna bow down and worship him!
As you can imagine, this boosted my popularity in the hood to the supreme highest degree!
In addition, none of the older kids ever messed with me, because news travels fast when your big brother is M.S.L. It was like having Rocky Marciano or Charles Bronson as a big brother.
Do you want to hear something cool? I hope so, ‘cause this is really cool!
Dave was, and still is, as a matter of fact, 16 years older than me. (And still in better shape) But here is the cool part. Even after he moved out and got married, he would still come back home, pick me up, and take me places with him.
My favorite thing was when he’d take me to the gym where he worked out. I absolutely loved the clinking and clanking of the barbells, weights, and exercise machines that were responsible for my brothers rock hard body. ( Remember, no “roids” or nuthin’ back then!)
Of course, everything stopped when he walked into the gym, and it got dead silent for a few seconds, like in the old western movies. Remember that? (Cue music: “Camptown Ladies Sing This Song, A-doo-dah, A-doo-dah!)
The saloon is filled with people dancing, drinking, laughing, singing and then Gary Cooper steps through the swingin’ doors and everything immediately goes silent and stops. The piano music, laughing, talking; soooo quiet, you could hear a pin drop. (Lets savor the silence for a minute or so………Wasn’t that sweet?)
Lets face it; my big brother Dave was the coolest guy in the St. Louis Metropolitan area at the time.
So, puzzle me this. Why did he choose to hang around with his dorky little brother when he could have been hanging around with some St. Louis celebrity like Charlotte Peters or Jim Bolen?
I never could figure that out, but I didn’t ask any questions ‘cause I didn’t want to blow the gig.
By the way, Dave also had an AWESOME singing voice on top of his other talents! He would have won the talent contest at the Fox Theatre ( Where he was an usher) but Stan Kann ( Who admitted he was not good at accompanying singers on his organ) screwed up the whole thing! ( Stan Kann was the weird guy who would bring antique vacuum cleaners to the Johnny Carson Show. Why? Because Johnny was a master at making fun of extremely odd characters.)
Dave could walk on his hands as easily as Fred Astaire could dance on his feet. Legend has it, that he walked the entire length of the 14th Street viaduct on his hands!
If you are ever in St. Louis, check out the 14th Street viaduct and you’ll start to comprehend what an amazing feat this was. ( How ironic. Walking on his hands was a feet, I mean, feat.)
Paul David Maness is his proper name, but somehow it ended up Dave. He started working at age 5 ( No kidding) shining shoes. As a teen, he would take a bus or streetcar out to a golf course and caddy. He’d often carry 3 heavy golf bags at a time! ( You guessed it. He was also an excellent golfer. We would go to the driving range and he could drive the balls OVER the big fence!)
For a reason, unbeknownst to me, he would, oft times, bring me to the driving range and buy me a bucket of balls, that I pretty much wasted.
Why was he taking this chubby uncoordinated kid with him when he could have been with ANYBODY? Stan The Man would have probably gone to the driving range with him, but he took ME!
Of course, I never asked him why, because I didn’t want to spoil the magic. Being with him was like being with Jim Thorpe (The greatest athlete of the 20th century) or Jimmy Brown ( The greatest running back of all time) and I didn’t want to screw it up somehow.
I don’t know how to measure body fat and I really don’t want to know, but, If I were guessing (And I am) I’d say my brother had .ooo1% of body fat. He was all muscle and you could see every vein in his body. It was sooo cool when he would flex and the veins would pop out even more! ( Let me remind you once again, he accomplished this long before steroids came in to fashion.)
When he was still living at home, Dave would fill the fridge with lots of healthy, vitamin filled, natural body building foods and beverages. Well, I was 5 and thought it would be a good idea to try one of his dark, black, slimy concoctions, because I wanted to be just like my big brother.
Alrighty, now. What’s the worst thing you ever ate? Rotten fish? Turtle heads? Sewer rats? Well, all of the afore mentioned delicacies combined, would be delicious compared to what I ate that day! I would have rather eaten a Pall Mall cigarette! ( I’m speaking from experience.)
That’s when I decided body building wasn’t for me. At least, not the pukey, nasty, health food part.
Dave loved to absorb any and all information available at the time and is still knowledgable on almost any subject. He still loves Jazz and the Blues; This includes Ella, Aretha, Miles Davis, Charlie Parker, John Coltraine and all the legendary musical geniuses.
I hope (GULP) he doesn’t tear my head clean off for saying this, but he was not too tough to appreciate things like fine art and even ballet! In fact, he gave me a deep appreciation for the athleticism, perfect muscle control, and sheer strength of a Rudolf Nureyev or Mikhail Baryshnikov. Come on guys! I’m trying to show a little class here! Stop with the guffaws, would ya? Remember, Dave is still able to tear you up!
Picture this. Paul David Maness with his Sophia Loren/ Gina Lollobrigida wife Rita, walking on the “beach” at Springdale swimming pool with EVERYONE gawking and jaws dropping in amazement at the sight of these two perfect specimens; and a little fat boy tagging along. ( It was like being with Brad and Angelina at the Caan Film Festival!)
Let’s not forget Dave’s diving ability! ( I know, you probably think I’m making this all up but I swear it’s true! Dave was the BEST at everything he did! Ask Dee-Dee, my red haired sister. Be careful though; YOU DONT WANT TO TICK HER OFF!
He would get up on the “high board” ( Totally fearless) and do all these twisty, turny, somersaulty, flippy, corkscrew dives that left all of the onlookers completely thrilled and dumbfounded.
O.K. Now here was and IS the coolest thing about my big brother. I hope you’re paying attention because this is a teaching moment.
When people would come up to him and praise him, give him compliments, and tell him how wonderful he was, he would………… Well, let me give you some examples:
A Fan: “Oh my gosh! That’s the best diving I’ve ever seen!!!”
Dave: “Thanks! But I wish I was as good as ( insert name) He puts me to shame.”
Another fan: “Mr. Maness, I saw you in the Mr. St. Louis competition and you beat everyone hands down!”
Dave: “That’s cool for you to say that, but a few of them had me beat in certain areas. I still have a lot of work to do on my calves and lats".
Still, ANOTHER fan: “Wow! I love your singing! You should go in to show business, or do a recording!”
Dave: “I really appreciate you saying that but my singing doesn’t even come close to Ray Charles. Man, that cat can sing, AND he really smokes on the piano!”
Well, gang; As you can see; I could write a whole book about my big brother, Dave. ( Maybe I will someday.) As I am writing, he lives in Florida, is very successful as a bail bondsman (I call him a bounty hunter), and he’s STILL in better shape than me!
Just a while ago, my red haired sister emailed me and told me Dave was gonna read my first book. (“Chicken’s Butts And Coconuts) I could not believe it! I was so honored that he would read MY book! I’m nobody! Just the chubby, goofy little brother of a SUPERSTAR!
However, I’m not saying anything to him about it. Why would I blow the wonderful opportunity to have my book read by my HERO, MR. St. Louis!
I LOVE YOU, BRO.
