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Two drunks were walking down the middle of railroad tracks. One drunk says, "You know, this is the longest staircase I've ever been on!" The other drunk says, "It's not the stairs, it's the bannisters that are killing me!"

Two inebriated guys walk out of a bar and look up at the sky. The first inebriated dude says, "It's the sun!" The other inebriated dude says, "No! It's not the sun, it's the moon!!"

A third intoxicated fellow walks out of the bar and they ask him, "Hey, buddy! Is that the sun or the moon?" "He answers, "How would I know? I don't live around here!!"

A man is at the doctor's office for his annual check-up. He tells the doctor, "I feel okay, but I've had trouble remembering things, lately." The doctor asks him, "How long have you had this problem?" The man answers, "Had WHAT problem?"

A woman walks into a pub and is surprised to see a horse tending bar. She walks up to the horse and exclaims, "Why the long face?"

The Lone Ranger and Tonto find themselves in the middle of savage, bloodthirsty, tomahawk wielding injuns! The Lone Ranger says, "Looks like we are at the end of the trail, my friend." Tonto says, "What you mean WE, white man!"

Now, don't you feel better? No?

Then you're a hopeless case.

Just messin' wit ya! As Uncle Joe would say, "Come on, man!"