Blog 1 : Thursday's Blog I Forgot To Post

I try to avoid watching the news, but all this stuff about China robbing America blind, border crisises (crises?), I don't know, climate change (formerly global warming), banning guns, banning furs, banning MAGA caps, legalizing weeds and so many other mind altering issues, still enter my cerebral cortex, somehow!

I wish I could only think happy thoughts, like that TV artist who used to paint happy trees and clouds and whatever. 

It was kinda encouraging that this morning I was told that "THEY" would be attempting to relieve my back pain by sticking long hot needles in my back and burning out the nasty nerves that are the dirty culprits causing my pain! Yippee - Skippee!!

I'm not gonna tell 'em about the numbness in my feet, just in case they wanna cut them off!! 

Anyway, it's happy thoughts that we need to dwell on, all the time, because negative, realistic thinking will lead us to an early grave, to be sure!

Look at Robin Williams, for example. Always funny, laughing, happy go lucky...never mind. Not a good example.

On the other hand, there are these crabby, one hundred year old men who constantly complain about their miserable lives...uh...disregard my examples, folks.

Just try to replace any negative thing you hear from a news source, friend, workmate, relative, with something positive!

For example...

They - "Trump is a mean, nasty, bad president!"

You - "Yes, but he loves his kids, plays well with dictators and never bashes the NRA!"

They - "China is stealing our ideas and American jobs!"

You - "True, but Chinese people are so cute! Especially Chinese babies!"

They - "The border crisis is overwhelming!"

You - "I know, but it shows America is so great that EVERYBODY wants in here!"

Get my point?!

Keep having happy thoughts, my friends!

Remember what Mr. Roarke always said...

Blog 2 - Today's FRIDAY Blog 

Okay, recreational weeds are soon to be legalized in Illinois on January 1st, 2020.

I don't get it! I've been pulling weeds since I was a little kid, and it NEVER felt like recreation to me!

They are actually setting up dispensaries (places that dispense stuff) to SELL the weeds at a very  high cost! (I know this is all true, because I heard it on the Greg and Dan radio show)

What? Selling weeds? I can get all the weeds I want from my front yard! These dispensary weeds must be some special kind of weeds!!

And how can you recreate with them? Throw them in the air? Make baskets out of them? Put them in a big pile and jump in them, like leaves in the fall? Put them in a pipe and smoke them? Ha ha! How ridiculous!! 

I remember away back in the 1950's, when I'd do jobs for the neighbors as a little kid, pulling weeds in the hot, miserable heat and humidity of St. Louis was the absolute worst job in the world! 

I would often imagine myself in the hottest part of Hades, sweating like a fake news guy at a Trump rally, suffering for eternity, in agonizing, sweltering heat! (I know, Trump wasn't the president when I was a kid, but using Eisenhower would not really work for this illustration) 

Why would someone in their right mind believe weeds have anything remotely related to recreation! 

They also mentioned "pot" sales starting in January. 

I guess that's where people will put their weeds? I don't know!

 Have a great Friday, folks!! 

OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY

SURPRISING SURVIVAL SKILLS

At our last juncture in time and spaze, we left our gregarious Glirkazoids packing their rugged rucksacks with all the needed items to transmigrate the Great Jewel Of Neprotonicus 11 to Neprotonicus 12 before the whole dang planet imploded into a little ball of clay, smaller than a Plutonius pin ball! 

As the pathetic, pulsating planet, pulsates pitifully, and the blue, bubbling and boiling blava blows out of the ground, whilst the wild, whistling, woeful wind whips Gary and Rosie weirdly, they trek on to the cavernous cave of the Great Jewel Of Neprotonicus!!

By the way, I forgot to mention that they made their usual, unorthodox landing on Neprotonicus 11 a few parsecs earlier!

Gary - "It's really awesome that we have traversed this planet for about 13 daayloos, and have not been halted by the wild, whipping, whistling, woeful winds, pulsated to death, or boiled in the blue, flowing blava, Rosie?!!"

Rosie - "What are you talking about, Gary?!! We're only 500 pleets from the Silver Sausage spazeship, and it's only been 13 minooties!!

Gary - "Hmmm, it seemed much longer to me. Are we there yet?"

Rosie - "Don't start in, mush head!!! How's about I leave you back in the Silver Sausage, where you WILL NOT get half of the 20,000 pazooza reward for this miserable job?! "

Gary - "Okay, okay, but can you reach the Reese's Pieces in my rucksack so I don't give out on the trail, Rosie girl?"

Rosie - "Are you kidding me, Gary! We just...

At that instant, a BIG burst of wicked wind blows Rosie off the path, and the pulsating planet shakes her to the very edge of a deep crevasse that is filled with boiling, bubbling, blue blava!!!

Quicker than a Juk on a moonbug, Gary grabs his Indiana Jones whip and whips it around the waist of Rosie, without breaking the skin, and pulls her back to safety!!! 

Rosie - "Gary! You saved my life! I was about to belly flop into that molten blava! How can I ever thank you?!!"

Gary - "A few Reese's Pieces will suffice, me lady!"

Our fearless spaze friends, move forward, through the forest of fossilized ferocious felines, who frightened fourteen fanatical flightless fowl by reanimating fast and furiously last Friday!

Rosie - "We have to be very quiet, Gary, so as not to reanimate these fossilized ferocious felines, so they won't feast on our faces."

Gary - "What? These are just big rocks, Rosie! They cannot reanimate from their rigid rockiness! How ridiculous! 

At that, Gary picks up a big stick, and whops the fossilized felines furiously!

Gary - "See! Not even a minor movement, my amigo!"

All of a sudden, the fossilized ferocious felines reanimate faster than Fetter Flies, who reanimate REALLY fast!

So try to imagine this in your wildest imagination. The whole planet is pulsating ... the weird, wicked wind is blowing woefully, hot molten blava is spewing out of the ground , and gigantic, reanimated, powerful panthers and pumas are chasing our champions!!

Gary - (running and out of breath) "Maybe I should have listened to you, Rosie!"

Rosie -(running behind Gary) "You THINK?!!"

Rosie turns around, faces the felines fearlessly, and fires her emulsificator flawlessly! The "capped" cats fall into a crevasse of molten blava, where they are immediately fossilized again! That's the circle of life, I guess. 

Gary - "You saved my rotten life, Rosie! When I didn't deserve it! How can I repay you, my friend?" 

Rosie - " With the natural food of Glirkazoids, of course!" 

Seriously, folks..if these episodes get any more exciting, I'll need to wear an oxygen mask  as I write them! It seems that this may be the one time Gary and Rosie do not succeed in their mission! Oh, I hope they do! I'd miss those little Glirkazoid goofballs! Wouldn't you? Don't answer that!

Make Tuesdays Great Again

Let's face it, Tuesdays are usually a blah day. We got over Monday, but there is still a LONG way to go until the weekend...and you know that EVERYBODY'S workin' for the weekend!

Well, I'm not, because I'm like a car that just came from the Goodyear shop...re-tired! Get it? Re...never mind.

If you're like me, and think Tuesdays are dull, lifeless, boring, uneventful...listen to this. Uh, I guess you can't really LISTEN to this, but you know what I mean, don't ya? Maybe not.

Some things that happened on a Tuesday...

• Tuesday, October 29, 1929- Black Tuesday Stock Market Crash
• Tuesday, June 6, 1944- Allied Forces Land D-Day Military Attack during WWII
• Tuesday, August 16, 1977- Death of the King of Rock and Roll, Elvis Presley
• Tuesday, March 13, 1781- Discovery of Uranus
• Tuesday, January 28, 1986- Space Shuttle Challenger Explodes After Liftoff on Live Television
• Tuesday, November 4, 2008- Barack Obama elected First African American President of the United States

Whoa! It looks like there is only one thing listed here that is positive. The discovery of Uranus. 

This is supposed to be Uranus, but it looks fake to me.

Which brings up a little irritating thing for me. Like, why do THEY keep changing things we were taught when I was in that one room school house on the prairie?!

Uranus used to be pronounced Ur-ANUS, with the emphasis on the anus. Now, THEY say it's pronounced UR-anus, with the emphasis on the UR!

Who did this? Someone embarrassed about putting the emphasis on the ANUS?!! Get over it! We're not in the 4th grade! 

Another one is aunt. Everybody (at least in America) used to pronounce aunt like ant! Now, more and more folks use the British pronunciation of ont! What happened?!! Too many British movies? Some even say, onty! Sorry, but a little too fancy sounding to me. 

Wuthering Heights Movie 

It' really sounds funny to me (just my personal opinion) when a giant, mean looking linebacker, on a pro football team, says, "I'd like to say hi to my dear onty, from UR-anus, Ohio."

Mean Joe Greene

I don't know if there is a Uranus, Ohio, but you get my point, right? Maybe not. 

I know there is a Jupiter, Florida, and Earth City, near St. Louis, but I don't know about the other planets. If you know other places named after a planet, let me know in the comments section.

What was my initial subject? I lost track for a minute.  Umm, TUESDAY!! That's it, TUESDAY!!

Remember Tuesday Weld from the Dobie Gillis Show? Oh, my! I was only a kid, but I had a major crush on her! In fact, I was only 9 to 13 years old when the show aired on TV, but, well...

Enough said.

Of course we can't discuss Tuesday without one of my favorite songs by the Boody Mlues...

I know what you're thinkin'..."Danny boy, you've put this song on your blog a million times, why AGAIN?"

Okay, you are correct...but how many times have you hunkered down and listened closely to this iconic song on a TUESDAY, hmmm?!

You should do it today! It will make you feel better! I guarantee it! 

Disclaimer: Any guarantee made on this blog is not ACTUALLY a guarantee, but only something made up to enhance the validity of this invalid blog, and any monetary rewards, gifts, penalties, or settlements, must be authorized by the king of Latvia, on a Tuesday, after 12 midnight. 

From now on, Tuesdays will never be the same, right guys?! Maybe not. 

Anyway, have a tremendous, terrific Tuesday!!!

My Loving Tribute To Dogs

On National Dog Day

This little poem was written by me when I was in the fifth grade...

Dogs can be brown or black or white,

Some will bark and some will bite,

Some will do some good tricks, too,

They will do their tricks for you,

Some dogs are brave,

Some dogs are true,

And that's the kind of dog for you!

This was before the fifth grade, but they didn't take a lot of pictures of me.

The poem was inspired by my wonderful, intelligent, brown, mixed breed dog, Fluffy. In addition, the poem ended up in the school newspaper, which was like winning the Pulitzer Prize for a fifth grader! 

My 

My dad gave me a "pull it surprise" when I pulled his finger!

I don't think it hurt that my sister, Dee-Dee, was working on the school newspaper at the time.  She denies having ANY involvement in having it published, but I still have my suspicions.

            Dee - Dee is the cute little girl behind me, in front.

Most folks I talk to (and that ain't too many) will tell me that their childhood dog was the greatest dog in the world! I have written extensively about Fluffy! I even have a chapter about him in one of my books! Although I forgot which book. 

I'll look it up. Okay, it was in my first book, "Chicken's Butts and Coconuts, chapter 6. The title is "Fluffy!"

A partial image of Fluffy is in this photo of my mom, at bottom left, but hard to see. That's all I got, unfortunately.

Today, I'm asking you to say a little bit about your beloved dog, from the past or present, without shedding too many tears.

Everyone knows that dog is God spelled backwards, and that proves that God meant to show us His loving qualities through dogs, right? (By the way, this is my own theory, not to be viewed as scriptural or anything)

Dogs love us unconditinally...like God.

Dogs comfort us...like God.

Dogs rescue folks in trouble...like God.

Dogs lead the blind...like God.

Dogs warn us of dangers...like God.

Dogs forgive us when we act badly toward them...like God. 

Will our sweet departed dogs come to meet us in heaven?  The answer is YES! 

I know this from Is. 11:6 

 The wolf also shall dwell with the lamb, and the leopard shall lie down with the kid; and the calf and the young lion and the fatling together; and a little child shall lead them. 7 And the cow and the bear shall feed; their young ones shall lie down together: and the lion shall eat straw like the ox.

"But Danny boy," you say, doubtingly, "there are NO DOGS mentioned in Is. 11:6!"

Maybe not, but think this through, logically, like I never do. If God is gonna have lambs, leopards, lions, calves, bears, fatlings (whatever they are), and wolves, a close relative to the dog, in paradise, isn't it a sure thing that he will have our precious dogs with us as well?!! Slam dunk!! Drop the mic, you betcha he will!!! 

So in conclusion, my dear friends, you owe it to your dogs, past and present, to make a heartfelt comment here on my blog, or on Facebook, even just one word would satisfy God, I believe, and He is most certainly reading Facebook today! Maybe not my blog, but Facebook is pretty much universal!! 

Have a howling good National Dog Day, and don't forget to have them spayed or neutered, and don't leave them in a hot car, and make sure they have a lot of water to drink, and give them a LOT of attention, and if you don't have a dog, adopt one today!!! 

Benji Was A Sweet Dog

Chevy Made Our Lives Whole Again