Tin Machine [ original song] Blues

 You're from Pekin if...

You like to show the scar on your butt where you got snake bit at Lick Crik.

You've got more guns than dishes.

You're emergency survival kit contains duct tape and Jim Beam.

You wear your camouflage outfit to church.

You have 8 vehicles in your front yard, one almost runs, but you ride a bike because of too many D.U.Is. 

You've named a private body part.

For convenience, you moved close to the jail.

You believe the Pekin Dragons are real, as you work at the meth lab in your attic.

You have female cousins in North and South Pekin who have filed paternity suits on you.

You swear to fix the roof when it stops raining, but when it stops you think, "what's the big deal?!"

You always say, "we don't need no Rodeo Dr. to shop (pronounced like a cowboy rodeo), we got Goodwill! It's just as good!"

You refer to Grand Prairie as the "new mall," even though it's almost 20 years old. 

You often listen to your vinyl record of Edward Dirksen, to soothe your mind, while gazing at your Susan Dey poster. 

 I wrote a few "zingers" about how to know you're from Pekin. Ha ha!

You know you're from Pekin when ... you think stop signs are suggestions.

A "Baby On Board" sign is for your pet pig.

You call the muddy bank of the Illinois River, The Beach.

You keep your doors unlocked at night in hopes your neighbor will bring in beer.

To keep from mowing your grass, you put up a Prairie Grass Experiment sign. 

You think a job is a waste of time, since you're  already an expert dumpster diver. 

You don't need an automatic dish washer, since Ole Blue licks 'em up clean, real nice like. 

Since you can't get rid of all the flies in the house, you claim them as dependents. 

You call the strong smell from the distillery, Chanel Number 2.

You think bow hunting for Asian Carp should be an Olympic sport. 

YouTube Banned My Video, And they did not tell me why, 

Just said that it was "hate speech, "it made me want to cry,

I don't have hatred in my heart, my friends know that's absurd,

So I grabbed my trusty headphones, and went over every word.

YouTube banned my video, and I made a big appeal,

They denied it in 10 seconds, and I said, "this can't be real,"

That video was all about being kind, and fair to all,

But talking to the YouTube folks, is like talking to the wall

After I perused my song, I called a faithful friend,

He said, the song seems A okay, but one photo might offend,

So I took the photo out, and submitted it again,

The YouTube bigwigs shut it down, and that's the bitter end.