MY DAD'S SILLY SONGS

Besides being a phenominal baseball player, good provider, and great joke teller...my Dad knew a lot of silly songs that I remember up to this day!

I made a little video to chronical a few of them, while I tried to sing them in the way he did with his gravelly voice, although mine is not nearly as corduroy in texture! 

Before we watch the tribute to Paul Edgar Maness, I want to share how much fun it was going with him to his "Muny League" baseball games in St. Louis when I was a kid!

Back then, different companies like Mallinckrodt Pharmaceudicals, Carter Carburetor (where my Dad worked) and lots of other ones I can't remember...I think Monsanto, but I'm not sure, had baseball teams.

I believe they started out as baseball teams, and over the years changed to fast pitch softball.

All of this doesn't matter, anyway. My point is...umm...uh...let's see...the TAVERNS...YES...the TAVERNS after the games!

Dad would take me to the taverns after the games (that they almost always won) where he and all his teammates would treat me to whatever I wanted! 

Beer nuts, pretzels, ice cold pepsi, chips, the pin ball machines, bowling machines...I was in kid heaven!!

Thanks Dad! That was so cool...and thanks for the songs!!!

OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY

The Silver Sausage was almost at the breaking point after traveling at 1000 X warped speed, through the treacherous Aspertame Belt, across the space sea of Atlanticapacifica, and up the black hole of Corlon Oscopee!!

Gary - "We need more power, Yellow Rose!"

Yellow Rose - "I'm givin' her all she's got, Admiral!"

Gary - "Why did you say that in a Scottish accent, Y.R.?"

Yellow Rose - " I don't know. That always seems to happen when you say "we need more power!"

For the last 222 budd-light years, the super-powerful, vicious, extremely fast Depublikratians have been chasing our two amazing heroes to put them to a S...L...O...W..., painful, humiliating DEATH!!

Why? You ask, with that puzzled look on your faze!

Gary had innocently destroyed the sacred, golden temple of the Depublikratians, where they had worshipped for 100 billion kreptons, because he was trying to smoke out the Balogny Beast that he ASSUMED  was hiding in the edifice! (He wasn't!)

Instead of loading a smoke bomb in the Gaffer-gun, our genius, Gary, accidentally, loaded an emulsificator bomb and emulsificated the whole dang, diamond encrusted, priceless temple! 

Even though Gary said, "my bad," it didn't seem to pacify the bitter, bloodthirsty Depublikratians! 

Yellow Rose had absolutely nothing to do with the accident, but they considered her an accomplice, and had her "marked for death" as well! 

Hence, the mad, wild chase across the universe ensued!

If you want, join us for our next Out Of This World Wednesday to see the exciting finale of this extraordinary TRUE tale!

CRANKY, DUMB, AND TIRED

Doc changed my medication,

I told him not to do it,

When everything is goin' right,

That's not the time to screw it!

I was feelin' pretty good,

Almost witty and inspired,

But ever since he messed my meds,

I'm cranky, dumb, and tired!

"Danny Boy, you're doin' well,"

My "shrink" did sayeth like that,

"So I'll experiment with you,

Just like an old lab rat!"

"You're doing close to perfect,

But you need a bit re-wired,

These new pills have small side effects,

You'll be cranky, dumb, and tired!"

Feel like I've run a marathon,

When I awake from rest,

I'm not sure what the day is,

But I'll try to do my best,

To smile at everyone I meet,

While I end up mean and snappy,

I don't recall what year it is,

But I know that it'll be crappy!

I hope I soon recover from this, 

I'm lazy as a bum,

My mind is nearly wasted,

And I'm cranky, tired, and dumb!

DID OBAMA MAKE A POOR SWAP?

Bowe Bergdahl was swapped for 5 bloodthirsty terrorists, and everyone is all frazzled about it! 

Since I do not believe ANYTHING  I see on the "news" anymore, I'm just gonna talk about lopsided swaps that might have been.

Camilla Parker-Bowles for Princess Diana.

Tiny Tim for the Beatles.

Lassie for Arnold the pig.

Marilyn Monroe for Twiggy.

Lawrence Olivier for The 3 Stooges.

Abraham Lincoln for Al Jolson

Alfalfa for The Mormon Tabernacle Choir.

Johnny Carson for Conan O'brien.

King Kong for Boots, on Dora The Explora.

The United States Marine Corp for Barney Fife.

Brad Pitt for Lyle Lovitt.

Alaska for Rhode Island.

Ice Cream for slimy spinach.

The St. Louis Cardinals for the Cubs.

IS EVERYONE AS HAPPY AS THEY PRETEND TO BE ON FAZEBOOK?

When I'm on Fazebook, 

I put my best foot forward,

Don't tell them 'bout my debts and pain,

Act like my life is heading starward!

http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/starward

Even though I'm feelin' down and out,
I pretend I'm jump and jivey,
Don't tell 'em 'bout my toothache,
Or my bout with poison ivy!

I want to show my Fazebook friends,
I'm happy and successful,
Why bring them down with rotten news,
And make their lives more stressful.

Folks will tell about their cruise,
How everything was first rate,
But fail to mention the spoiled fish,
That made them 'gurgitate!

The family reunion was a hit,
On Fazebook it sounded fun,
Of course we never hear about,
How Uncle Charlie used his gun!

Fazebook is for nicey nice,
For puppy dogs and kittens,
We don't tell about our problems much,
We keep that all unwritten.

So then, is everyone as happy,
As they pretend to be on Fazebook,
Of course they're not, but we all knew,
Uncle Charlie was a crook...anyway!
BURMA SHAVE

I HOPE MY MIND KEEPS IMAGINATING

I keep losing a bit of my mind every day, it's sad to say,

Faces I knew so well in the past are fading fast.

I even forget names like Spencer Tracy, one of the best,

Funny how I can remember Evelyn West, and her $50,000 Treasure Chest!

However, my greatest fear and trepidation is losing my imagination.

I can be strong and young again, watch the trains at Union Station,
ride the "street cars" of St. Louis, in my imagination.

Alas, my memory grows so dim I'm losing "banks" to draw from,
I remember mom feeding homeless men, back then they called them "bums."

I'm glad I still remember that,
Her kindness so extreme,
I'm not as good as she was,
Not even in my dreams.

I need to write about the things I saw since my creation, but if I forget some details I've got my imagination!
BURMA SHAVE

SOUND THE ALARM

Sound the alarm, because the state of the Union is not as it should be,

Sound the alarm, because millions still are not free,

Sound the alarm, at wake up and in the still mid night,

Sound the alarm, but be prepared to fight,

There are those who wish to do you harm if you sound the alarm,

So build a wall around you, no, not of brick and mortar, but of truth and integrity,

So everyone can see you're not at all like me!

BURMA SHAVE