DRIVING IN ILLINOIS IS SPECIAL    

If the above clip looks absolutely normal to you, Illinois is your home state. Right...RIGHT?

If you are not from Illinois, and have never been to Illinois, you may think I'm exaggerating the facts in this little blog post, but just ask ANYONE who has ever driven on the "run the gauntlet" roads of Illinois and they will confirm  the words which I've written here so honestly and truly. 

To run the gauntlet is to take part in a form of corporal punishment in which the party judged guilty is forced to run between two rows of soldiers who strike out and attack them.

Take Chicago (PLEASE... take Chicago) for example. The perfect example of what I mean by "running the gauntlet" in Illinois.  Zigzagging between road construction , avoiding truckers that want to kill you, drivers, late for work, who want to run you over, detours, toll booths, roads that pop up in the hot weather, and form giant craters in the freezing cold weather...as a result, here is a little example of a typical Chicago driver going to work...

On the other hand, the roads "downstate" (that's where I live) are so bad NASA used a section of Peoria's Route 29 to film the fake moon landing in 1969 and no one knew the difference! 

If you look closely, you can see my old Mustang on the horizon.

In addition, the BORING scenery tends to put folks to sleep, so as they are dreaming about cornfields...cornfields...cornfields...their pickup hits a massive pothole and careens into a...you guessed it...CORNFIELD! 

Now, don't get me wrong. I LOVE Illinois! 

I love the kind people...

the Illinois River... 

with jumping Asian Carp... 

the history of Abe Lincoln...

most of my grandkids live here

 and I REALLY love them...

the Greg and Dan radio show is here in Illinois...

                                 my beautiful wife...                                   

however...the roads need a little attention...that's all I'm sayin'.

Have To Side With Elizabeth Warren On This

You may be shocked and surprised, surprised surprised...

that I would defend Elizabeth Warren (AKA Pocahontas) for claiming to be Cherokee.

I truly understand her circumstances, for I, yes I believed the same thing about myself, for YEARS!

As a little kid, listening to the stories of my grandpa and other older members of the family, I was fascinated by the tales of OUR Cherokee ancestors, and my great grandmother, who, they claimed, was full blooded Cherokee. 

It made all the sense in the world. She lived in the Missouri Ozarks, chewed tobacco, smoked a corn cob pipe, made poultices, and herbal medicines and stuff that really seemed to work.

I was a true believer.

Elizabeth Warren must have had a similar experience, and believed, with all of her little heart, that she had a Native American heritage, like me.

I was so disappointed when I learned that all the stories were made up. 

Great grandma was actually German, they say.

Why did they do that? 

I have trust issues, because of it, for sure!

Cowboy and Indian shows were very popular on T.V. when I was a kid, and Indians (Native American/Indigenous people), were always portrayed as very brave, great trackers, proud people...so maybe "white eyes" (that's what Indians called white folks, according to "westerns"), were Indian wanabe's in the 1950's, thus, conjuring up fake ancestry to be cooler than their neighbors.

I don't know...but for once in my life I'm on Elizabeth's side...but when she found out she was only one /one thousandth Native American, I'm positive she was as disappointed as me.

3o Minutes To Write My Blog Article

I am really on a tight schedule because my wife needs me to go with her in 30 minutes.

Why? I don't ask questions. You husbands understand, right?

I need to think of something quickly, but it has to be entertaining, as well as timely.

Something that is up to date and REAL! Yeah, it needs to be real...but with just enough fantasy to stimulate your senses in a Disneyesque way. 

However...I don't want to sound infantile, because some folks think EVERYTHING I write is infantile...and I need to lose that moniker real bad-like!

I can't write about politics (I learned that lesson the hard way), or post photos of my dog (I've done that ad nauseam), and I do NOT want to brag about myself again...who has that kind of time! 

Speaking of myself, I think I'll add one of my olde funny songs...that won't take much time...just click on the link and walla, I mean, vwalla, or is it voila? Anyway, here it is...

Okay, I need to speed up a bit to come in under 30 minutes and stop rambling and get to the point and try to make some sense of the universe in time for Donna's appointment in (O my ), 

5 minutes now!!!

Alright, Danny, just calm down and finish up with a series of strange GIF's

Everybody loves strange GIF's!

Yes, Dear, here I come!!!

Mickey Mouse Charged With Abuse!!!

This morning, a disgusting, horrifying film was found stuck in the transom window of Bloggadocious 222's office  that shocked us to our core!

                           Example of a transom window so the youth will get it. 

If there are any chitlins reading this, you gotta stop, right now. Okay, thanks. Now grab an adult, so he or she can read it! 

The despicable film shows a crazed Micky Mouse abusing two of his cast members in a cruel, sadistic manner. 

We will be revealing this horrible film clip in a few seconds, so PLEASE make sure the kiddos are totally out of the house, so they are not scarred in their souls forever, and disillusioned from EVERYTHING pure and innocent. We will wait until they're gone. 

Okay, brace yourself for something that will be seared into your brain for eons of millenniums of time! 

We put it on a loop for it to REALLY sink in. We are definitely NOT trying to sensationalize these tragic events. 

Would we do that?

We told you it was horrific , did we not?

After some of Mickey's friends watched this, they felt compelled to talk with our reporter:

Goofy - "Uh, huke, Micky has never acted like this! Oh, gorsh, he's a swell guy!" 

Daisy Duck -   "I don't know what to think. Mickey has always been a real gentleman. To see him treating the goose like that is appalling! Or is that a DUCK...oh, dear, I hope not!"

Pluto - "No comment."

Minnie Mouse - (In tears) "HE BEATS ME! HE BEATS ME! He's worse than Brett Kavanaugh!" 

When we see real icons of innocence, like Bill Cosby and Harvey Weinstein revealed as total monsters, it should not surprise us that our cartoons heroes are not any better? 

Goin' Up To Calvary

Above is my new song that I wrote, sang and recorded...not necessarily in that order.

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, Danny, I thought this blog was all about fun stuff, and not propalatizing, prozlityzing, I never could spell proselytizing, for the life of me! 

That's not what I'm doing, folks! 

I just wrote this song and would like you to tell me how you liked it. Simple as that.

Did you enjoy the music? 

The singing?

The pictures? 

Now, if you decide to give your life to Jesus after listening, that's your choice. 

That's between you and God. 

           Nikki Submits Her Resignation 

What a total shock to hear about Nikki's sudden resignation!  It almost brought me to tears.

For so many years I've admired her for her talent and abilities beyond many others in her field. 

Millions of folks around the world will never forget her impact on the music world! 

Oh, wait...I was thinking Nicki Minaj...my bad!

The REAL Christopher Columbus Revealed

There are two schools of thought regarding the life and legend of Christopher Columbus.

1. A brave hero who was financed by Queen Isabella to sail three ships across the Atlantic Ocean and discover America.

2. A greedy businessman who never REALLY discovered America at all, but took the credit for it.

I know I didn't include details like, Leif Erickson, cannibal activities, diseases that wiped out millions of Native Americans, and other incidental atrocities... but we are searching for the total TRUTH...tootsie.

Our researchers have found that "Christopher Columbus" was actually born, Bernie Blatz, but later changed his name to Christopher Columbus, because it sounded much cooler. 

Can you imagine Americans celebrating Blatz day? No pazazz whatsoever! 

WHAT?!!

In addition, Bernie was not Italian at all, he had a German father and Mongolian mother, who both loved Lasagna, which led to the misconception that they were an Italian family. 

Of course, none of this matters, in light of the fact that American holidays are just an excuse to get off work, drink excessively, and argue over useless information from long past history, like the Cardinals/Red Sox World Series of 2004. 

Back to our riveting account!

Now, Bernie..er...uh...I mean, Christopher Columbus loved to gamble...big time!

As with ALL gamblers, he had to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, know when to run...and he owed so many gambling debts he decided to RUN!!!

So with a little help from his gal friend, Izzy Bella, a local dance hall girl...he booked passage on a ship that was going to Liechtenstein...a simple 3 hour tour...a 3 hour tour...

The ship got blown off course, a bit, and ended up in almost America, which is close enough for historians and tellers of tales. 

Well, that's it! Ain't history great? 

Especially when we can make it up as we go along, like historians have done for eons upon eons.

What's an eon, you ask? 

e·on

ˈēən,ˈēˌän/

noun

1. an indefinite and very long period of time, often a period exaggerated for humorous or rhetorical effect.
2. 
   
3. Wasn't this fun?  Let's do this again REAL SOON, but without all the hysterical stuff...I mean...historical stuff. 
4. 
   
5. Here is something I'll ALWAYS remember from my school days..."Columbus sailed the deep blue sea in fourteen hundred ninety three!" I hope this helps you youngsters out there.