My State Of The Onions Speech

My fellow Americans. You're probably wondering why I asked you to be here today for my State Of The Onions Address.

Well, as most of you do NOT know, the state that grows the MOST onions is Washington. Here are the top onion producing states in the order of their, uh, production...or acreage...or whatever...

U.S. Onion Acreage Estimates
State	Acres
Washington	23,900
Idaho-Eastern Oregon	22,800
California	16,150
Texas	13,500
Georgia	11,600
New York	9,050
West/Central Oregon	8,950
New Mexico	7,300
Nevada	4,400
Colorado	4,102
Michigan	2,350
Wisconsin	1,620
Utah	1,610
N. Dakota/Minnesota/Ohio	1,082
Other (FL, IA, IL, IN, MA, NC, NE, NJ, PA, SC, etc.)	935
Arizona	800

As for me and my household, we LOVE  onions! Especially when they are sauteed in butter! They have appeal to millions of Americans! (Get it? A PEEL)

On the other hand, millions of OTHER Americans despise onions with a deep, abiding hatred that knows no bounds!

Okay, okay, but it's nothing to cry about! (Get it? Nothing to...nevermind)

Actually, onions are cherished throughout the entire world! Just look at the next boring statistics...

World's top 8 onion producing countries

1. China. Production: 22,300,000 tons.
2. India. Production: 19,299,000 tons. ...
3. The United States of America. Production: 3,159,400 tons. ...
4. Iran. Production: 2,381,551 tons. ...
5. Russia. Production: 1,984,937 tons. ...
6. Turkey. Production: 1,904,846 tons. ...
7. Egypt. Production: 1,903,000 tons. ...
8. Pakistan. Production: 1,660,800 tons.

As true, patriotic Americans, how can we stand by and let China and India be ahead of us in onion growing?  Land sakes! India is beating us by 16 million tons and China is kicking our butts by 19 million tons!! It's a cryin' shame!! (See, I did it again)

Although Washington is our official state of the onions, we ALL need to be states of the onions and peel through the layers of bureaucracy that prevent our agricultural communities from producing more sweet Vadalia, white, red, shallots, green onions and leeks! 

Leeks are not as commonly known to Americans, but I don't know how many times I've gone to the grocery store and taken a leek! 

In conclusion, the state of the onions is strong, but we can work hard, as patriotic American citizens, to increase onion production even more in Washington, more in Idaho/Oregon, California and Texas, more than in India and China, and spread onions throughout the entire universe!!! 

Superbowl Half Time Show...A Big NO!

I grew up watching and listening to entertainment that was relaxing, funny, mellow, rock and rolly, inspiring, and good things like that. So excuse me for not enjoying the Superbowl 53 Halftime Show. 

First of all, didn't they used to pick the GREATEST stars in the world to perform at halftime?

Folks like Paul McCartney, Prince, Michael Jackson, The Rolling Stones, Whitney Houston....

Who in the heck is Big Boi? I looked him up and he's from Georgia, so maybe that's why they selected him to sing at the Mercedes-Benz Stadium Atlanta, Georgia. A major superstar? I don't think so. 

Ask people on the street (before Superbowl 53) who Big Boi is, and this will come to mind for most of them.

Travis Scott? Don't think many would know him either. Not like they would know, let's say, James Taylor, Alicia Keys, Garth Brooks, John Legend, Aerosmith, or even Taylor Swift! 

Many more folks know about Adam Levine from The Voice than from listening to Maroon 5, I suggest, but I've been wrong a LOT in my life. 

My point is, not one of Superbowl LIII halftime performers were on a high enough level in the entertainment world, to have been on the biggest stage (viewerly speaking) in the universe!

Image of microscopic section of the universe.

Led Zeppelin they were not! Hey! Why didn't they have Led Zeppelin? Now there's an AWESOME band! The fans would have loved Stairway To Heaven or that one that talks about coming from the land of ice and snow and Hot Springs Arkansas. That's got a great beat!! 

Yeah, I know Led Zeppelin is gone, but a boi can dream, can't he? 

Boi, Boy, or Buoy? Place your 

answer in comments section below.

Didn't the "bigwigs" think about the audience when they planned this halfwit halftime show? 

Think about it. The Superbowl audience consists mostly of heterosexual men (men who like women), and a much smaller percentage of women who like men, so why have 3 MEN, two doing rap (which had to be bleeped), and one doing a strip show!

Of course, I could be TOTALLY wrong, as usual. Maybe the world is at a place where women watch the Superbowl more than men, and when you throw in men who love men, folks who love rap, pyro-technic aficionados, tatoo lovers, Maroon 5 fans, and people too high to really know what was going on, it may have been a the most brilliant idea for a halftime show, EVER!!

Let me know if you think my observations are way off base, unfounded, old fashioned, silly, or deeply profound. 

I just hope that next year they have a well known group like the Beatles, or Sly And The Family Stone!! Oh, yeah, baby!!!

Superbowl 53 (LIII) Sleepy As Can Be

I told you that I was gonna do a review of the Superbowl and the Superbowl commercials today, but EVERYTHING was ho hum.

Who said, "You DIDN'T tell us you would do a review of the Superbowl game and Superbowl commercials?"

Well...anyway...I guess you're right, but I was definitely gonna do it, and THOUGHT I told you about my decision.

How can a review a "nothing burger" Superbowl disaster? 

The commercials went from okay to bad! Nothing like the CLASSIC Superbowl commercials of times past, in my expert opinion. 

I will not even talk about the snorefest of a game. 

Maybe I'm wrong. Did you guys find the game a wonderful display of DEFENSE, or just saying that to make yourself look like a REAL connoisseur of the intricasies of football, whilst, secretly,  finding the game excruciatingly boring?

Doesn't the Superbowl Bigwigs even review the commercials anymore, or do they only care about who gives them the most money? 

My gosh, even the Budweiser Clydesdale commercial about "wind power" sucked wind!! 

Doesn't EVERYONE know that wind power is one of the most inefficient methods of producing electrolysis that was ever conceived!! 

Then the one about "girl power" showed how ignorant these ad people are! Did they not know that girls have ALWAYS had the power since Adam and Eve! 

I'm sorry, but those "message" commercials just bring me down when they play them during an event that is supposed to lift us up with joy and excitement, like the Superbowl normally does, but this Superbowl did not, so I guess the pitiful ads were wholly appropriate!

The Bud Light commercial with the BIG barrel of corn syrup was okay,, but I have always enjoyed that little, wacky, Bud Light kingdom, anyway. 

Who disagrees wit me? (Yes, I know I said wit)

Who wants to be the first to defend the crappy commercials during Superbowl LIII (53).

I really like John Malkovich, but he was SO overacting, whilst standing in the CGI Colosseum, in that little pregame thingy with Peyton Manning, who is surprisingly funny. (I THINK it was a CGI Colosseum, because I don't think they would send Malkovich all the way to Rome for a silly promo like that. Or would they? 

I am truly interested in what you folks think about Superbowl LIII and the ads! I'm sore disappointed, to use a bible word. What are your innermost thoughts and feelings? Did you even watch? What kind of snacks did you have at your Superbowl party? Why didn't you invite me? 

I almost forgot! I got physically sick watching all of those football players KISSING the Lombardi Trophy! With all the spit and slobber from the other players, they STILL kissed right on top of  the spit and slobber of everyone else, not worrying about where those mouths have been! Yuck!!!