OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY

CHRISTMAS EDITION 2015

While the brutal, despicable Ice-Us alien monsters 

get ready to invade the wonderful planet of Glirka, 

by freezing the inhabitants, while they joyfully

celebrate Glirkmas so innocently, our heroes are 

busy shopping for Glirkmas gifts for each udder!

Rosie - "Oh, my stars! There it is! The PERFECT gift 

for Gary!! This has to be the weirdest thing I could 

ever give him!"

20 stores away...

Gary - " I can't find ANYTHING for Rosie!! I HATE 

Glirkmas shopping!! Maybe I'll get hints from 

Rosie's Spazebook page."

A few hours later...

Gary - "Eureka! I found what Rosie wants by reading 

 her  Spazebook page!"

We now switch to the bridge of the Ice-Us warship, 

where the Ice-Us commander begins to speak in his 

gravelly, irritating voice, kind of like the way a 

cement mixer would sound.

Ice-Us Commander - (Laughs a mean, evil laugh) 

"Bwa ha ha, ha ha! Very soon, we will turn the 

planet of Glirka into a big round popsicle, and end 

all of their stupid Glirkmas celebrations 

FOREVER!!"

Ice-Us First Mate - "Why, Commander? I think 

Glirkmas is kind of cool!"

At that, the Commander commands security to 

totally disintegrates his First Mate!

Security

Ice-Us Commander - "Anyone else think Glirkmas is 

cool?!!"

No answer from anyone from the entire crew!!!

Let us now switch gears, and observe the

celebratory celebrations, preparation, and 

 perspiration of the Glirkazoids, as they 

prepare for the superglirkafragilistic day of 

Glirkmas!

Picture in your imaginatary mind, multi-colored 

lights, blinking and twinkling along the vertical 

boulevards of Glrka, while Glirkmas songs are sung

gleefully in the midst of the blue hazy mist that 

covers the planet on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and 

weekends!

Traditional songs like "Joy To The Worms," "We 

Three Kings Of Are We In Tar," Rude Alf The Red 

Nosed Alien," and "It Came Upon A Midlife Beer," 

fill the blue air!

The Salavation Army is ringing it's bells outside the 

Super Nova Markets to give away money to 

passersby, while the little tiny tots are waiting 

eagerly for Canta Slaus, to give him their precious 

lumps of coal that he hands out to the wealthy! 

We rejoin the horribly ugsville, Ice-Us Commander 

right now...

Ice-Us Commander - "Bwaa ha ha ha!! It is now 

Glirkmas day, and let's use the steroscope to focus 

in on our arch enemies, Gary and Rosie, as they 

carry on with their stupid Glirkmas giving...and then

 I will activate the "Deep Freeze" machine to cover 

the entire planet in 100 miles of frozen ice!!"

New First Mate - "I thought ALL ice was frozen, 

Commander!"

Ice- Us Commander - "SECURITY!"

The new first mate has met his fate for criticizing 

the Supreme Commander!

Now we see how the steroscope begins to zoom in 

on the planet of Glirka, through the clouds, trees, 

and all the way into the Silver Sausage spazeship, 

where Rosie and Gary abide...even when it's docked!

The hideous Ice-Us Commander is eager to watch 

 our heroes freeze their little antennas off, but first 

he wants to watch a bit of their ridiculously stupid

gift giving, before they go to a frozen tomb of 

DEATH!!

Rosie - (Hands Gary a package) "Merry Glirkmas my 

wonderful, faithful pard!"

Gary - " Is this one of those wacky, goofy gifts like 

you always give? (He begins to unwrap it) 

"Oh, my, Rosie! This is (Gary wipes a tear from his 

eye) the most wonderful gift imaginable, so 

thoughtful, sincere and priceless!

"The complete set of "The 3 Stooges" DVD's, The 

Directors Cut!!!

"This is the greatest gift EVER, my super friend!!!

"Thanks a billion toms!!!!"

Rosie - "You're very welcome, my sweet Gary! 

As the dirty, filthy Ice-Us Commander watches this 

on his steroscope, his beliefs are confirmed! 

Ice-Us Commander - "Aha!! The 3 Stooges?!! This 

proves that Glirkmas is just a bunch of silly 

nonsense that needs to be put out of existence! 

The mean, ugly commander looks into the 

steroscope again...

Gary - (Looks into Rosie's eyes and says) "I saw what 

you wrote on Spazebook, you said"..."This year if

I could have a miracle I'd give it to all my friends who 

have cancer or someone they love to be cured forever 

from this disease.

"Then I'd give everyone who is sad a smile for 

a Christmas gift. I'd wrap it up & send it to everyone 

with the slightest feeling of sadness.This is honestly 

what I would do because I care so much for all of you."

"So, Rosie, I traveled to the furthest region of the 

universe, to the planet of Zorba, where they have cures 

for everything, and in this little bottle...

is the cure for ANY disease! Please share it with 

your friends! There is enough in that little bottle for everyone!

"As for giving them happiness...You already have 

that gift, dear Rosie! For centuries you have given 

your friends smiles, and been there for them 

whenever they had the slightest feeling of sadness!"

No one knows why the Ice-Us Commander suddenly 

decided to spare the planet of Glirka, go back to his 

home planet, and never harm anyone again.

MERRY GLIRKMAS ONE AND ALL!!

OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY

The stores of Glirka were really, really crowded with the ancient holiday of Glirkmas approaching swiftly, without any hesitation, like a reckless, abandon spazeship, bolting at a billion times light speed to a destination called nowhere!!!

Gary and Rosie had yet to buy gifts for each other, and it was always a competition between them as to who would buy whom the wackiest gift.

The stores of Glirka have a vast variety of Glirkmas gifts from all over the entire universe, that are so bizarre, fascinating, and weird that they are almost indescribable...so I won't try...but they look something like the objects below. 

Gary - ( Gary talks to himself as he meanders through the stores) "What, pray tell, shall I get for my fabulous friend, Rosie!

"She has everything under the suns (Glirka has two suns), and I need something SUPER RIDICULOUS to really impress and amaze her!"

Rosie - (Talking to herself as she wanders aimlessly through stores) "What can I get my best buddy, Gary, that will totally freak him out, and make ME the winner of our weirdest gift competition!

In the meantime, a gigantic force of wicked, grotesque aliens are planning to attack the beauteous planet of Glirka during the festive Glirkmas season when the Glirkazoids are preoccupied with singing, shopping, and getting high on candy canes! (Glirkazoids get super high from licking candy canes, for some inexplicable reason.) 

These horrible aliens are known by the name of Ice-Us, because they have a special weapon that covers their enemies in ice, totally immobilizing them, and leaving them to die in a frigid, frozen tomb!!

Back to our shoppers...

Gary - (Speaking to a sales assistant) "What in the universe is this thing?" (As he picks up some weird contraption)

Sales Assistant - "No touching, sir! That happens to be the hottest Glirkmas item on the planet! You must live under a rock to not know that!"

Gary - (Thinking to himself) "Why, you snobby bee itch! I'm out saving the universe, which includes your sorry arse, and don't have time to watch commercials on Glirkavision, and you're giving me this holier than thou routine, you poor excuse for a Qwertanian mud monster!!"

Gary actually says...    "Yes, I DO live under a rock, it's a bit uncomfortable, but it protects me from RUDE life forms, like you!"

Sales Assistant - "Well, I never!!"

Gary - "Maybe if you DID you wouldn't be so mean and nasty!"

I think Gary may have a difficult time getting the perfect gift for Rosie!

I wonder how Rosie is doing? 

Join us next week for OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY, and more Glirkmas joy!!!

OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY

The storied history of the Glirkazoids is full of...uh...STORIES!

One of the greatest, and most important, is when a brave, and incompetent crew of Glirkanauts crash landed  their spazeship on Earth, at the same exact tom that Jesus was born! 

Although they missed witnessing the shepherds, wise men, and baby Jesus, their spazeship may have been the "star" that led the wise men to see Jesus! (Totally by accident!)

Maybe you are wondering if the legendary, Rosie and Gary were aboard.

Of course they were! This wouldn't be much of a story without our intrepid heroes, would it? 

Anywho, our little Glirkazoid friends did not meet Jesus until he was about 1o years old, and they soon found out how cool and SMART he was! 

At the young age of 10 he had more wisdom than all of the Supreme Glirkheads put together, but they didn't realize he was God (at the time, Glirkazoids didn't believe in God) until he was older and performed a few miracles. (Glirkazoids can be so shallow.)

I hope you are keeping up. Anyway, for mucho millions of millennia, the Glirkazoid creatures have celebrated a yearly festival of feasting and fun, that they call Glirkmas. 
The festival includes Glirkmas Trees. 

All the lovely trees of Glirka, look like Christmas trees.
They grow that way.
Even the bubble lights grow naturally, like vines, and climb up, up, ‘round and ‘round to the top of the trees for sparkling illumination!( How cool is that!!!)

They sing Glirkmas songs, cover their abodes with colored lights, and even have a cute little old elf-like dude who travels around in a flying contraption to give gifts to the Glirkazoid kiddies. 

So, the Glirkazoid crew decided to introduce the ancient customs and traditions of the Glirkazoid race to celebrate the birth of this cool guy, Jesus.

Now you know the REAL genesis of all the Christmas traditions! 

Aren't you happy? 

Well, sure you are, pilgrim! 

Pilgrim? The Pilgrims? That's a whole nuther story, that ALSO includes input from the Glirkazoids.

In fact, ALL of the history of our miserable planet, since the time of Christ, has been positively influenced by our Glirkazoid buddies! 

I need to stop now, before I reveal too many earth shattering secrets, that could bring swift annihilation to the whole, entire population of this little blue marble we like to call earth!! 

Have a nice day! 

OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY

As you may, or may not remember, Gary was just about ready to emulsificate the stretchy necked alien creature, who was flirting with his faithful Glirkazoid shipmate, Rosie.

Not that Gary was jealous, or anything...he simply felt it was not proper behavior toward an officer of the Glirkazoidian Spaze Force! (Yeah, right!)

Emulsificator

Gary - "Fill your hands you son-of-a..."

Rosie - "Put down that emulsificator, knucklehead...or do you want me to shove that thing where the sun never shines!!" (A recurring theme of this blog)

Gary - "Let me just wing him a bit...a little flesh wound, okay?"

Rosie - "You're just jealous, Gary! Calm down, before I emulsificate your butt!"

Gary - "Ha ha ha ha! Jealous? Me? Does it look like I'm jealous?"

Rosie - "Yes! That stupid little smile on your face, and those over bulged eyes, PROVE you're jealous!!

"Now, why don't we just mosey on over to the alien creature, and introduce ourselves."

As Rosie and Gary are moseying over to the Chrisicus Martinicus alien monster from Earth, Gary trips over a "ricktraloid" (a rock), and his emulsificator fires and blows the dude away!!

Gary - "Did I do that?!"

Rosie - "YES! You blew away that cute creature that was saying all of those beautiful words to me, and..."

Gary - "Looky here, Rosie! (Gary picks up a bunch of stuff on the ground)"He" was nothing but a bunch of wires, cogs, nuts and bolts! 

"Just a stupid robot!"

Rosie - (Picks up a card from the ground.) "Look at this greeting card that must have been taped to the back of it!

Dear Rosie,

We know how much you love Chris Martin, so here is a robot representation of him, to reward you for saving the earth so many times!

With sincere appreciation,

People Of The Earth.

Gary - "Sorry, Rosie! That's a real bummer! I accidentally emulsificated a special gift for you that came all the way from Earth. You're not mad at me, are ya?"

Rosie - "Mad? Why no, Gary! Why don't you come over here so I can give you a BIG HUG!"

Gary - "Why is your little green face turning red, Rosie? Are you SURE you're not angry with me?"

Rosie - (Gritting her teeth) "Why would I be angry that you blew away an EXACT representation of Chris Martin (except for the long neck), who would have sang me lovely songs, waited on me hand and foot, and kissed me on the mouth WHENEVER I WANTED IT!!"

Gary begins to run away from Rosie as she reaches for her lasso, then ropes and hogties him, and begins the most horrible torture for a Glirkazoid to endure...TICKLING!! 

Well, well, well...what a dumb ending to a stupid story! 

Hey...what did you expect...Shakespeare?!

Make plans to join us next week for another exhilarating episode of OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY, if you got da guts!!