Monday, April 8, 2013

MADNESS MUSIC MONDAYS

By the way, I was born on Mother's Day!

With Mother's Day swiftly approaching, I'm going to share with you my most misunderstood song, that is entitled, "How Deep Is A Mother's Love."
My mom, and my sister Susan.

Here are some of the words that have been used to describe this song: Gruesome, ghastly, frightening, horrific, morbid, sick, and psychotic! (Can a song be psychotic?)


However, it can't be any of those things, because I wrote this song from a story my mother used to tell us children to teach us about a mother's unconditional love for her children.


Sure, it has moments of jealousy, hatred, envy, insanity, murder, a heart being cut out of a woman, and a talking body part, but other than that, it's a very moving, profound lesson about a mother's deep, deep, unconditional love for her children!
My mom again on left, next to Aunt Ollie, brothers Dave and Dick, and Susan in front.

I picture the characters in the story to be native Americans, who had sharp knives, and were used to scalping people, and cutting up buffalo and such, which makes the story much more believable.


What do you mean, you don't want to listen to the song?!

Trust me, it's okay! 

If you listen real, real closely, you'll see it is kind of heartwarming, in a totally gory kind of way!

Anyway, my mom made us listen to the story about a thousand times, so you can hear it once, can't ya?!

Now, we are gonna stick to the same program of other Madness Music Mondays.

You click on the song first, and then read the words as it's playing. 

Kapeesh?

Excellante!!



Son, you're in trouble again,
Runnin' 'round to who knows where,
Before you break my heart,
Sit down here on this chair,
Listen to this story, 
my mama used to share,
And maybe you will understand,
How much I really care...



How deep is a mother's love,
My mama let me know,
In a story 'bout a mother,
And her son, so long ago.

A poor widowed mother raised up a loving son,
There's never been a happier home,
In time the son got married to a wicked hearted wife,and left his mama all alone.

But each day he would visit her 'cause he loved his mama so,
His hateful wife was filled with jealousy,
She came up with an evil plan to end his mother's life,
Her envy turned to pure insanity!

How deep is a mother's love,
My mama let me know,
In a story 'bout a mother,
And her son, so long ago.

You promised you'd do anything for me, she said to him,
Now listen, while I tell you what to do,
Bring your mother's heart to me, and you will prove your love,
Then I'll know for sure your love is true!

In tears he reached his mother's home in the middle of the night,
He took her heart, and then he took to flight,
He stumbled, fell, and heard a voice that came out of the heart...
Son, are you alright?


How deep is a mother's love,
My mama let me know,
In a story 'bout a mother,
And her son, so long ago.


How deep is a mother's love,
My mama let me know,
In a story 'bout a mother,
And her son, so long ago.


How deep is a mother's love,
My mama let me know,
In a story 'bout...




My mom, with my dog fluffy peeking his head in at bottom left.





Sunday, April 7, 2013


ST. LOUIS SUNDAYS

I saw the Moody Blues play here at the old St. Louis Arena, 3 times! However, that has nothing to do with the frightening story I will tell you today!!

Let me take you back to my childhood. (Harp music and fog from a machine) Back, baaack, baaaack, (echo), baaaaaaaaaack, baaaaaaaaaack. (We spare no expense on the special effects.)



There I was in my Buster Browns and my corduroy. Cute as a bug. Innocent. Unsuspecting. Minding my own business.
(Let’s face it, I was precious.) My world was peaceful, secure and satisfying. Until the “day!”




 I remember it ever so clearly.

It was a Sunday morning, and the golden sunbeams were streaming through the lace curtains like gentle laser beams from an alien warship. Everything seemed so normal. 


Dad was reading the Post Dispatch, Mom was in the kitchen, my brothers and sisters were watching Kukla, Fran and Ollie.


How was I to know that this would be the most—no wait, let’s try again. How was I to know that this would be the darkest, most terrifying day of my life! (Psycho music)


(Yeah, that’s good.)

I’ll never forget my Mom’s words. They seemed so sweet and loving. Daaaany, come to the kitchen. I have a surprise for you.

A surprise? Oh, joy! Cake? Candy? A pony? Not exactly.
She had something a bit more unusual, shall we say, in mind.
(More psycho music).



Mama was standing in front of the kitchen sink with her favorite, razor-sharp butcher’s knife in her hand. The mirror-like blade of the knife reflected her face as a distorted, scrunched up image of a surreal, uh, let’s see, Lucille Ball. Yeah! That’s it! Kind of like a psychotic, demented, Lucille Ball.




At the time, I thought nothing of it. Why would I be suspicious of Mom? Wasn’t she the one who woke up at all hours to feed me and change my dirty diapers? Didn’t she clean up my baby puke and bathe me when I rolled in tar?




Sure, sure she did, uh huh, yep, she did all right. So why then, did it happen? Why, why didn’t I recognize the signs.

The hoot owl hooting outside my window and the dead albatross in my sandbox.


So, anyway, Mom said (very slowly), “Come Danny, hold out your hand.” 

Expecting the nicest surprise ever, I did what I was told.



 Mom said, (very slowly and eerily) “Closeyour eyes.” I did so in my youthful innocence. I felt her put something in my hand. A kitty? A puppy? 




In a sweet, singsong way, Mom said, “Open your eyes.” I opened my eyes.

I did not find the wonderful, beautiful surprise my childish heart yearned for so eagerly. Instead, I saw in my tiny virgin palm, an ugly, awful, slime covered, raw chicken’s butt!



(Psycho music again). 


I am told I was found in an alley ten blocks away, muttering something about the Little Red Hen, Donner Pass and proctology. 











Hey, but that was my Mom, a laugh a minute, and that was growing up in the Maness household in the 50's, in St. Louis! 

Have a great Sunday, and watch for flying chicken butts, and Flying Burrito Brothers!!
This story was retrieved from my least selling book.




Saturday, April 6, 2013

SURREAL SATURDAYS 

SURREAL SATURDAYS 

SURREAL SATURDAYS 

SURREAL SATURDAYS 

SURREAL SATURDAYS 

Hurry up and draw my legs you idiot..this hurts like hell!!






An example of how the Lilliputians make use of 
the high heeled shoes from a girl they've just eaten. 






Someone said, "Catch a wave," so I did!!




Yawn...I wonder how long I've been sleeping  under this tree?!



Note to self: Find new Chiropractor!



No...I think you DO have a drinking problem, Charlie!!





Well..no...It wasn't your ordinary, saucer shaped ufo.



Yeah, this works so much better, Crater Face!
You said it, Wart Woman!



Woody struggles to create self image.



...and this bubble is telling you to french kiss me now.




How a stunt man puts his kids to bed.


HAVE A SUPER SURREAL SATURDAY!!

Friday, April 5, 2013


FAN FRIDAYS






The Superior Race

I have deeply admired all the “black” role models that have helped to mold my awesome personality throughout my life.

For instance, Bill Cosby.
Can you think of any comedian that has attained the universal acceptance and wholehearted love from his fans as Bill Cosby?
(However, Moms Mabley was funnier, and I think Cosby would agree)
PLEASE...Don't miss this! It's the best part of the blog today!

Living the first 5 years of my life in a south St. Louis housing project convinced me of the indisputable fact that “black” Americans are the superior race.


( Sidebar: Why do we say “BLACK” Americans? They are not BLACK! This beautiful race has a diverse array of subtle tones that include lovely shades of tan, light or dark brown to deep dark brown that can sometimes shine like diamonds. ( Listen to “Diamond Girl” by Seals and Crofts, written about Jimmy Seals black wife.)

I came to this conclusion by the age of 3.
The “black” kids were better at EVERYTHING!
Sports, singing, dancing, and humor.
They had perfect skin, and best of all, they were ALWAYS COOL.

Let’s briefly review some of the phenomenal people the “SUPERIOR RACE” has produced in America’s history.

Nat King Cole, Ella Fitzgerald, and Leena Horne ( The most beautiful woman of her time) are STILL delighting millions of adoring fans around the world through their recordings.

Jim Brown was the greatest FOOTBALL player of all time.

Everybody knows that!














Who floated like a butterfly,
Stung like a bee,
The greatest of greats,
The mighty, Ali!


















Remember the name of the all-time greatest singing group?
"The Supremes!" Get it? The SUPREMES!!!


After you read this short list of outstanding “black” Americans, you will, no doubt agree with everything I’ve said so far!
RAY CHARLES

George Washington Carver                                 Rosa Parks











Sidney Portier                               General Colin Powell
Ruby Dee                                             Martin Luther King Jr.










Morgan Freeman                           Cicely Tyson
Denzel Washington                       Oprah Winfrey
Condoleezza Rice                          Whitney Houston
Aretha                                                               Michael Jordan















Richie Havens                             



                                    





Hattie McDaniel


James Earl Jones                          Spike Lee
Willie Mays                                    Bob Gibson
Marian Anderson                                        Lou Brock                     















James Booker                                Sugar Ray Leonard
Langston Hughes                                                Harriet Tubman












Clarence Thomas                            Ben Vereen
Yvonne Greer ( I actually KNOW this lovely, talented woman!)

And on and on and on,

Until we have to admit who the superior race really are, or is it IS?

Hey, I don’t have anything against white people. I AM a white people!
I’m just relating true facts.

As most of you know, I'm usually a big silly guy, however, I truly believe that God has created an exceptional race of people who I look up to, and admire for their talent, humor, love of life, and ability to thrive against all odds!
Thanks for letting me share this with you in all sincerity!
Danny
LOUIE ARMSTRONG