SAD SUNDAY

A sad Sunday, 

I don't know why,

I wake up and want to cry,

Maybe a bad dream ,

I can't remember,

Or maybe because it's nearly November,

When the memories,

Of my misspent youth,

Come back to haunt me,

Like blowing leaves on the roof,

When the warmth of the fire,

Makes me recall again,

The times, the places,

And lost old friends,

Who are gone forever,

Without a goodbye,

Always wanting the truth,

But then living a lie,

An Autumn chill,

Crawls up my spine,

Harbinger of winter,

And frosty pine,

Afraid of the falling,

That I know must come,

And ending this poem,

Cause it's just plain dumb!

BURMA SHAVE

LOL!

SILLY SATURDAY

What if doctors named all of our streets?

Let's see...Amputation Avenue...Biopsy Blvd...Circumcision Court...Diarrhea Drive...Hysterectomy Highway...Lipo suction Lane...Psychiatric Parkway...Rupture Road...Surgery Street...I think you get the drift, snowflake. HA!

What if creatures from another world 
named our cities?

A Ferengi

Alien, Arkansas...Cosmic, Colorado...

Dimensional, Delaware...Ferengi, Florida...Glirkazoid, Georgia...Inter Galactic, Idaho...Klingon, Kansas...Lizardpeople, Louisiana, Mutant, Montana...Nebula, Nebraska...Outer Limits, Ohio...Planetary, Pennsylvania...Rocket, Road Island...Spaceship, South Carolina...Time Travel, Texas...UFO, Utah...Vortex, Vermont...Worf, Wisconsin...

Worf

How about if proctologists were allowed to name new cars?

Never mind about this category!

There are too many opportunities to get me in trouble! HA! Maybe you can come up with some of your own! 

What kind of names would pro wrestlers name their pets? Hmmm?

A Beagle-The Bloody Baron Bopper

A black cat- Mr. Terror, The Night Stalker

A hamster- Horrible Hulk Hamster (of course)

A weenie dog- The Storm Trooper of Germany

A chihuahua-The Mexican Death Machine

I think the Mexican Death Machine is the funniest, but Chihuahua's always make me laugh!

Have an AWESOME Saturday,

 I hope you're good and gay,

So I'm not judging you my friend,

If you lean that way,

I'm talking 'bout in yesteryear,

When gay meant fun and bright,

I'm really in no mood for a politically correct fight.

In fact, it's time for blacks and whites,

and gays to live in peace,

And even Tom who's sexual preference,

Never was released,

And Jews and Muslims need to get along,

Each and every day,

Stop killing one another,

After you kneel down and pray,

Rich and poor, old and young,

Everyone's your brother,

Stop the hate and fighting,

Start LOVING one another!

BURMA SHAVE

FAN FRIDAY

I am a huge fan of "pay at the pump!"

In fact, I think "pay at the pump" is the greatest idea since those pull off can lids that eliminate the need for a can opener.

Paying inside is a total nightmare for me!

Have you ever noticed there are a lot of people who have no clue about what is going on around them?

Their kids are screaming bloody murder and they can't hear them, they never see caution signs or rules signs, like when they say "ENTER HERE" or "WET FLOOR."

Those people are ALWAYS in front of me when I go inside the little gas mart to pay for my gas!

All I want to do is pay for my gas, and invariably, everyone in front of me wants to do a dozen other things beside paying for their gas!

In addition, even though the gas mart has two cash registers, there is NEVER two cashiers, and the line is so long it goes back to the soft drink bar where folks are pushing and shoving trying to dispense their 89 ounce "polar pop" that they spill on my white sneakers!

The cashier is either new, too old to see and hear, or just plain dumb! 

This is when the real torture begins!

The first person in line pays for his or her gas, but then wants cigarettes, but not simply a pack of good old fashioned Pall Malls.

This person is very, very picky, and wants a pack of cigarettes that the cashier has never heard of in all of her 2 days of working there.

The rookie cashier looks and looks for about 10 minutes and can't find the elusive cigarettes.

The customer insists she has bought the mysterious cigs there before, and goes back behind the counter to locate them herself.

After another 10 minutes she remembers she had bought them at the Quicky Mart across town, and she laughs and laughs without even realizing the line has now doubled in size!

As for me, I just want to pay for my gas.

The next person pays cash for her gas, and has a deep desire to come up with the exact change for some unknown reason.

She digs and digs in the deepest, darkest regions of her purse and comes up with a quarter, two dimes, a nickle, and she then counts out, "one, two, three, four, five, six, seven pennies," with a broad smile on her face, like she won the lottery!

Speaking of the lottery, the next dude wants LOTTERY TICKETS! The lottery ticket buyers are the absolute worst! 

They aren't satisfied with a regular, take your chances ticket. They buy multiple kinds of tickets, and have their special lucky numbers for each one. 

This takes 20 minutes...minimum!

After that is the mom with 7 dirty kids, who are destroying the gas mart, opening up the Twinkies, and yelling at the top of their lungs!

The mom is yelling back at them while holding her crying baby, and trying to buy a DIFFERENT brand of rare cigarettes that the cashier can't find!

Of course, I could go on and on about each individual customer, with his or her extra special needs and desires, but we ain't got forever!

"Pay at the pump" has totally freed me from this nightmarish experience.

I quietly slide my card, happily pump my gas, and quickly drive away.

How wonderfully glorious!

Whoever it was that created "pay at the pump," thank you from the bottom of my heart! I could kiss you!

I hope it was a "hot chick" inventor!

THOUGHTFUL THURSDAY

The peace and tranquility of Thoughtful Thursday could only be compared to a sweet scented Calgon bath, guaranteed to "take you away!"

However, putting on a strip tease for the neighbors can be equally relaxing, if you're relieving your body of stinging ants.

Maybe you might want to kill a snake, invite a bee to sting you, or kiss a frog?

This sounds too crazy and unbelievable you say?!

It's all true, and really happened to my friend Cheryl! Except for kissing the frog! Click on the link below and see:

http://mimcherylanne.blogspot.com/2013/09/adventures-in-my-back-yard-scary-story.html?spref=fb

I told you so!

Isn't she funny?!

Back to total relaxation and soothing, mellow thoughts that make you physically tingle from the tips of your toes to the top of your punkin' hade.

You see, that is why I created Thoughtful Thursday to begin with.

To help folks get away from the stress and worry of their difficult lives, and mentally float off to a place of euphoria and Peoria.

Why not Peoria? It's a pretty nice town.

Better than East St. Louis, I'll tell you that much!

The Cardinals are losing 1 to 0 to the Brewers?!!

How can that be?

The Cards just swept the Pirates 3 games, and now they're losing to the COCK-A-DOODIE BREWERS!!!

Oh..uh...excuse me...I got away from the calm, healing message of Thoughtful Thursday. My bad.

If you really, really want to calm your whole spirit and soul, make friends with the wonderful Cheryl Merritt, who has the ability to calm the savage best...including me!

Here is a link to her YouTube channel:

https://www.youtube.com/user/avarismimi

You have already clicked on the link for her blog. Right? Riiiight?!!!

You better had, or I'll give you "wet fur!"

Darn it, I did it again!

Think peace, Danny, think tranquility, think flowing waters...I need to pee!

911

The best description of a nuclear bomb I ever heard was a "demon inspired" nuclear bomb.

The weapons that were dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki Japan that killed men, women and children were beyond my level of understanding, as a human being.

What dark powers helped scientists to develop such an unimaginable, horrifying weapon, and then the military and government be so soulless as to annihilate little innocent babies, pregnant mothers, and the elderly in an excruciating horrific way.

I can understand warrior against warrior to protect freedom and homeland, but the slaughter of innocent people is far beyond my comprehension.

That is why I believe the unthinkable, cowardly act of the murder of harmless people on Sept. 11, 2001 was put in to the hearts of these crazed religious zealots by unseen forces that have directed weak gullible people for centuries.

There is a plague of "madmen" who tell us a "voice" told them to murder innocent people, and they obey this invisible mentor by carrying out his orders.

My point is, we try to make air travel safer, turn our schools in to guarded compounds, spy on our neighbors like the NSA, carry concealed handguns...but most importantly, we need to wait on our Lord to get to the root of the problem and eliminate the wicked one and his minions.

And the devil, who deceived them, was 

thrown into the lake of burning sulfur, 

where the beast and the false prophet had 

been thrown. They will be tormented day 

and night for ever and ever. Rev: 20:10


He makes wars to cease to the end of the 

earth; He breaks the bow and cuts the 

spear in two; He burns the

 chariots with fire. "Cease striving and 

know that I am God; I will be exalted 

among the nations, I will be

 exalted in the earth. Psalms 46:9,10.

In that day the wolf and the lamb will live together; the 

leopard will lie down with the baby goat. The calf and the 

yearling will be safe with the lion, and a little child will lead 

them all. Isaiah 11:6.

TRAVELIN' TUESDAY

AMABO 6

This planet really sucked cosmic wind! 

Why would they send us to such a dry, desolate, God forsaken place in the  remotest part of the universe.

What was even worse, Amabo 6 was doomed to be destroyed by a giant asteroid in just a few days!

Major Cronin understood he was not the most beloved member of the Inter-Galactic Force, after he emulsified the Royal Ambassador of Delkron for trying to eat his personal shuttlecraft, but this was ridiculous!

Cronin's 7 person crew were getting restless, and kept asking about the mission.

"Why are we here?" "Is this a punishment?" "When are we going home?"

The  crew looked up to Cronin, and he didn't have the heart to tell them that he had not been told anything himself!

General Gieselman just smiled, put his hand on Cronin's shoulder, and said, "Bill , the mission will be obvious after you get there," as Cronin boarded the gigantic, silver cargo vessel 11 months ago for Amabo 6.

Obvious?! Obvious?!! Nothing was obvious!! 

They had been there for 3 weeks now, and absolutely nothing had happened, or been discovered, or made a noise, or even moved, except for the asteroid, that moved closer each minute!

This hell hole had no vegetation, no water, no life forms, and no saloons!

A nice, ice cold beer would be perfect right now, Cronin thought to himself, as he shuffled through the hot sand of the pitiful planet.

All of a sudden, Major Cronin hears a slight pop sound, and a bottle of Xanpus beer (Cronin's favorite), pops out of the sand!

Cronin bends over and touches the bottle in amazement...It's ice cold!!

When the thirsty crew see what just happened, they begin thinking about beer, and ice cold bottles of their favorite beers start popping up in the sand!

"Eureka," cries Major Cronin! "We've found it!" 

It was now obvious to Cronin that their mission was to load the massive cargo vessel with beer and bring it back to earth, to end to the "great beer shortage"...this needed to be accomplished before Amabo 6 was destroyed!

So, feverishly, they had to think about beer, the beer would pop out of the sand, and then it had to be quickly loaded on the immense cargo vessel before the asteroid strike!

After toiling for what seemed like forever, but was actually 97 hours and 14 minutes, the vessel was filled with beer.

"Done," Cronin said with pride, but with just minutes to spare.

Everyone was loaded on the vessel.

It would have to be a super light speed take off to avoid the destructive force of the asteroid, and the debris that would be exploding up from the shattered planet of Amabo 6.

There is no way to stop the countdown and launch now...10..9..8..7..

Cronin looks out of the porthole at the doomed planet, and thinks about how proud his deceased Dad would have been right now...

6..5..

At that moment, Cronin sees something coming out of the sand and standing up...

4..3..2..1 BLASTOFF! 

It is his Father!!

MANESS MUSIC MONDAY

My friend, Ryan Aurand, taught me this song many years ago.

Ryan passed away last year, but he had told me this song was written by an English teacher he had met in Virginia named Jim Farrow or Jim Farrell...I can't remember after over 40 years.

So Jim, if you're out there, I think this is one of the most amazing songs I've ever heard, and I do not want to infringe on your absolute rights to this fantastic song!

I hope you like my simple rendition of this wonderful song: