OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY

MERRY CHRISTMAS 

FROM GARY AND YELLOW ROSE

OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY

CHRISTMAS EDITION

Christmas here in outer space,

Is a time of stars and twinkle,
Of joyful songs and colored lights,
And an alien Kris Kringle.

Creatures from all alien races,

Celebrate in remote bases,

All across the universe,

Have Christmas plays they don't reherse. 

They know the Christmas script by heart,

They know the ending and the start,

They know the God who sent his son,

To give us life and Christmas fun.

Creatures who look odd and mean,

With 20 eyes and skin of green,

Love Jesus Christ like you and me,

Hang bright things on their Christmas tree.

Christmas joy is universal,

Glirkazoids need no rehersal,

Christmas spirit comes naturally,

Just like it does for you and me.

OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY

When we try to fathom infinity, it's really hard, because we had a beginning and we will have an end, at least to our earthbound existence!

It is impossible for us to comprehend no beginning and no end. It is mind blowing to have ALWAYS existed and will ALWAYS be hangin' around, like God! 

Glirkazoids, like Gary and Rosie, DID have a beginning many, many, many moons ago, and will have an end one day, but usually not for billions of years, unless they get devoured by a ferocious spaze beast or emulsificated by an evil galactical giant!  

Let me try to help you imaginate the enormous distances from one galaxy to another, okay?

Have you ever driven to a place you've never been to on vacation or something, and it seems like you'll NEVER get there? Now imagine that feeling 1000 billion times more! THAT'S how far it is to travel to spaze destinations! 

Due to other worldly, really cool technology, the Glirkazoids, and other alien races, can travel these vast distances in a matter of nano seconds, by means of speedy spazeships, like the Silver Sausage, time travel, inter-dimensional transmigration, and "beaming" from here to there, like in Star Trek.

In fact, there was a Glirkazoid who was a consultant during the filming of Star Trek, the T.V. series! Nobody knew he was a Glirkazoid because he disguised himself as a Myna bird.

Remember, Glirkazoids are only 4 inches tall...max! 

You would think the T.V. dudes would have been suspicious of a bird giving them right on, specific details about space travel, aliens, and such, but as long as the show was a hit, they weren't asking any questions!

I guess it was even more surprising to Leonardo Di Vinci when a "rat" supplied him with all the drawings, paintings, inventions, and brilliant writings that made him so famous! You guessed it, the "rat" was a Glirkazoid incognito!

All of this fascinating information leads us to Yellow Rose (AKA Rosie) and Gary (AKA Knucklehead), who use all of the "gifts" they've been given, physically, technologically, and mentally to save worlds, galaxies, dimensions, and universes throughout the super gigantic, MASTER universe that encompasses all the other universes and everything else...Baba Looey! 

Tune in next week to find out what their next exciting mission will be!

OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY

Gary felt a cold chill go down his spine, all the way down to his butt crack, as he and Rosie entered the infamous Gazza Galaxy to find the AAA, who were a-hankerin' to emulsificate Christmas, just to be mean and nasty!!

They were using their U-Kont Seamy device to make the Silver Sausage (thier magnificent spazeship) invisible to the AAA.

In addition, they were listening on their Biggear Zound eqibment, for the pityfull screams of the victims, who were being violated, while their innocent eyes saw all of their Christmas decorations gathered up! (Like in How The Grinch Stole Christmas)

Rosie is the first to hear a blood curdling scream, then Gary hears one on the other side of the galaxy, then two screams, four screams, will there be some more screams, a hundred screams from the north and east, a thousand screams, like from an injured beast!

Rosie - "We have NEVER failed the Supreme Glirkheads on ANY mission, but how can we stop THIS?! There are too many, and the AAA's are so powerful and NASTY!!"

Gary - "Slim Whitman." 

Rosie - "What?"

Gary - "Slim Whitman!" Didn't you ever see the movie "Mars Attacks?"

Rosie - "No."

Gary - "Watch this clip!"

Rosie - "I get it!" We will just send the Slim Whitman music, electromigrainifully, to the AAA brains and they will explode in a green goo! Cool!"

That's exactly what they did, and stopped the AAA from destroying Christmas! 

Yaaaaay! I love happy endings, don't you?

OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY

When we last visited our intrepid (fearless, adventurers) hero and heroine (not to be confused with heroin), Rosie and Gary, the Supreme Glirkheads were about to give them the most difficult, impossiroo, death defying mission of all the zillions of missions they had ever done!

The Absolute High Supreme Powerful Chief Glirkhead speaks with a great echo sound - "I know you are familiar with the Ancient Alien Asshole Astronauts, are you not?"

Gary - Yeah, they're a pain in the butt!

Rosie - "In more ways than one!"

AHSPCG - "We discovered their secret plan to eliminate Christmas throughout all the vast inter course of spaze!"

Rosie and Gary - "Huh? What?! No way!!!"

AHSPCG - "Yes way!!! And only youse guys can stop them!!"

Rosie - "Christmas is the most important thing for Glirkazoids, like me and Gary!! Christmas trees grow naturally on our planet of Glirka, with lights. ornaments, and a star on top! We are born knowing every Christmas carol, and Santa is our biggest rock star!! Even more than Elvis!!"

Gary - "Let me at those disgusting ass reamers!! I'll emulsificte em before they can say, "Haa Bumhug!"

AHSPCG - "That's the spirit, old friends! Of course you know you'll BOTH most likely have your bums violated, disfigured, and probed beyond recognition, right?"

Gary and Rosie - "Huh?! What?!! No way!!!"

AHSPCG - "Yes way!! Are you still up for the challenge?" 

"Gary? "Yellow Rose? Where did you go?"

Roooooosie!!!

Gaaaary!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Gary and Rosie - "Here we are! Sorry, we had to run out to the Silver Sausage (their magnificent spaceship) to see if we still had some "Pooperglue" on board, before we answered your question!"

The Silver Sausage

AHSPCG - "Aha! Smart thinking, guys! We knew you were the perfect team for this "mission impossible!"

Rosie - " I think we will begin our search in the mysterious...wait for it, wait for it, GAZZA GALAXY, where the AAA like to hang."

Gary - "The (gulp) Ga-ga-ga GAZZA GALAXY," Gary says nervously.

You remember what happened to me in the Ga-ga-ga Gazza Galaxy, dont you?!"

Rosie - "Of course I do, but nothing that catastrophic, horrendous, frightening, and down right sickening could happen to you again! The odds are too great against it!" 

Gary - "HA! That's what you said when I told you folks are so dumb that Obummer would be re-elected!"

Will Christmas be saved?

Will Gary and Rosie find the AAA?

Will disgusting things happen to Gary?

Tune in next week for another exciting adventure of Out Of This World Wednesday!!!

OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY

Rosie and Gary walked through the massive, cavern-like doorway of the Hall Of Glirkazoids, where they had entered millions of toms before. 

The Supreme Glirkheads had summoned them, once again, for a secret mission of utmost impotence! 

Since Gary was a VERY IMPOTENT Glirkazoid, he would be perfect for this mission! 

Rosie (AKA Yellow Rose) was legendary in the history of their planet, Glirka! She was so proficient in all of the ancient methods of inter-planetary conflicts, "keek-yo-bott" self defense, word warfare, and emulsification of creepy, ugly, alien beasts, she was the perfect complement to Gary, who was brave...uh...but...umm...had a brain one card short of a full house...if you catch my drift...snowflake.

The 9 Supreme Glirkheads sat behind a huge judge bench type thingy, way up high, so Gary and Rosie had to look up to them. They were old and wise, with long white beards, and wearing scarlet robes and pointy scarlet hats. Kind of like gnome lawn ornaments, but much more respectable.

The Absolute, Powerful, Supreme Glirkhead, spoke first ...with a great echoing, reverb sound!

"Gary and Yellow Rose," you are probably wondering why we summoned you here in person, instead of calling you on the Glirkaphone, right? 

Gary - "Not really. I figured you were dying to look at our pretty faces again!" 

Rosie - (Whispering) "Gary!! Have some respect for the Supreme Glirkheads, you knucklehead!"

The APSG - "That's okay, after all these billions of years, we know Gary by now. He's a scatterbrained, fun loving, rebellious, mischievous moron, but Rosie...you and him have never failed us, no matter how impossible the mission!"

Rosie - "Is this mission so secret and important that you were afraid to call us on the Glirkaphone for fear the call may have been intercepted?"

The APSG - "No...we just wanted to see your pretty faces!  Just kidding, just kidding! See, the Supreme Glirkheads have a sense of humor too! Ha Ha Ha!"

At that, ALL 9 Supreme Glirkheads begin laughing!

Supreme Glirkhead #5 - "Did ya hear the one about a Progbeast, a Fluffnex, and a Qurettaziz walked into a bar, and the Progbeast says, "Do you serve crabs here, and the bartender says, no, but in your case we'll make an exception!" 

The APSG - "Okay, okay...enough levity! Let's get back to the MOST IMPORTANT MISSION of all tom!!"

My word! What could this mission be?! 

Will Rosie and Gary be able to handle it?!

We will find out next week in the next episode of...

OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY!!

OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY

The vast expanse of the universe,

Is hard to comprehend,

It makes you want to swear and curse,

Like it's never gonna end!

You find yourself a "worm hole,"

To go a whole lot faster,

But it leads to distant parts unknown,

An outer space disaster!

Gary is a Glirkazoid,

And so is Yellow Rose,

Gary gets them lost oft times,

That's just the way it goes.

Rosie is the wise one,

Who gets them back on track,

She's cool and sweet and fun,

But she don't take any flack! 

For just about 10 billion years,

They've saved a lot of creatures,

With blood and sweat and tears,

Our two heroic teachers! 

They have a love for everyone,

Just like Jesus Christ,

Although some call them "space bums,"

They're really very nice! 

BURMA SHAVE

Where Would We Be Without Them?

Our country would have not existed,

If the patriots had not resisted,

Unjust laws and tyranny,

We would not today be free! 

America shines like a diamond,

A lovely prize "they'd" love to win,

Our mighty warriors guard our shores,

Where would we be without them?

Would we be hearing other tongues,

Forced upon on children,

Bowing to an Emperor,

Be slaves to wicked men?

On this day for Veterans,

We thank them once again,

For saving sweet America,

Where would we be without them? 

Danny Maness 

Speaking In Tongues Has Ceased

I like things simple, because I'm simple minded. 

When I was at the food pantry yesterday, I met a woman who was a Pentecostal, and she believed folks who have faith in Jesus, have served the Lord their whole lives with joy, raised Christian children, and even gave her the FREE FOOD she was eagerly accepting, would not go to heaven, because they didn't "speak in tongues!"

Does that make sense to you? I didn't think so.

I've studied the bible for many years and know a lot of scriptures I could cite, but most of the time folks don't take the time to look them up, and I can talk about this in an easy to understand way without having you do a lot of work.

God gave the early Christians the ability to speak in other languages to share the good news with foreigners.

It was not babbling weird words that no one could understand. 

For instance, if you only knew the Hebrew language, God's spirit taught you the language of someone from another land, instantly! So you could spread the word about Christ.

In addition, the Bible says that speaking in the language of other countries, miraculously, would cease, after "what is perfect" would come.

After the entire Bible was completed in the first century, and now, with God's word translated in every language for anyone...anywhere to read, his "perfect" inspired words are everything we need for edification.

So I asked the Pentecostal women if the Christian folks sitting there in that church would be "saved" if they didn't "speak in tongues." She would not answer.

I asked, what about the sweet, caring people in all churches around the world, their children, their granddchildren who have a real faith in God, but do NOT do healings, prophesying, or "speaking in tongues? Would they go to heaven? Still, no answer.

I guess, according to her, there will be very few folks in heaven. Like Jehovah's Witnesses! Ha! I know, because I was a J.W.

At the end of our conversation, I told her I loved her, and would never judge her opportunity to join the Lord. 

I love all of you who read my blog and who don't, and hope to be with you for eternity in Christ's love!

This blog was not funny!

I know, but something moved my heart to write this today.