Social Distancing...Nothing New To Me!

Sometimes I think (and that can be very dangerous) that the whole wide worm has lost their proverbial marbles, but then I ask myself if I'm not the one who's a pickle and special sauce short of a Big Mac!

As you can tell, I'm a bit hungry. Which often makes me light headed, and causes me to write with silly, reckless abandon. 

That's okay! I'm otay, you're otay...EVERYBODY'S OTAY!!!

When in the course of humid events, we find ourselves immersed in viruses of unknown origins, and deeply believe that toilet paper is the answer!

How well I remember the "swine flu," when all the little piggies were coughing and sneezing. How we bought them aspirin, chicken soup, Theraflu and such, AND how it ended well, with sausages for all!

THEY say that old folks, such as I, are more successful with this stupid virus, or is it susceptible? Whatever! I, pretty much, stay at home anyways!

I'm not a big hugger, I don't like crowds, I'd rather eat at home than in a restaurant, can't afford to go to sporting events, such as bazeball and futball games, I'm basically a shy guy...so I'm good!

I'm sure the young whipper snappers are "champing at the bit," but that can really damage their chompers! 

whip·per·snap·per

/ˈ(h)wipərˌsnapər/

Learn to pronounce

Origin

late 17th century: perhaps representing whipsnapper, expressing noise and unimportance.

Champing at the bit vs. chomping at the bit

One definition of bit is a metal mouthpiece used for controlling a horse, and one definition of champ is to bite or chew noisily. These are the senses meant in the idiom champing at the bit, which refers to the tendency of some horses to chew on the bit when impatient or eager. In its figurative sense, it means to show impatience while delayed, or just to be eager to start.

I saw a large group of teens at the park yesterday, who were all gathered together! Yelling, running around, touching each other!! I think it was kind of a protest gathering. 

I displayed my "social distancing" technique, but I'm positive they didn't want an old coot participating in their protest anyway. 

I try to keep my distance from folks. Of course, I've ALWAYS been like that, because....

1. I don't like being crowded. My personal space is precious to me.

2. What if one of us has bad breath, or body odor! Don't want to smell another person's stink, or they mine! I gag easily!

3. A lot of folks spit when they talk. I allow space for that!

4. Since I don't enjoy being hugged or even touched, I stay far enough away to prevent that from ever happening. However, there are some folks who can't be stopped!! 

I guess it's not THAT bad when a hugger gets to me, I admire their special skills, like Bryan Mills (Liam Neeson) has in "Taken!"

So follow my example, stay safe, keep your social distance, hermitize yo-selves, and never trust a pirate!! 

The Hermit by Gerrit Dou...A little sophistication for ya! 

Good day!!!

Do You Long For The Days Of Olde...

Before The VIRUS?

Do you ever long for the days when we could go to the store and all the shelves would be filled to the tippy top with basic items?

Do you remember when the restaurants were open for business, and we could enjoy a leisurely meal with a large group of family and friends? 

How's about watching sports events, in person, along with 40,000 fans?

Do you recall the kidlets going to school? Not just online school, but actually going to a brick and mortar school with hundreds of other kidlets?

Museums used to be fun, and Disneyland. Do you have those memories in your memory bank? 

Think back to the time when we all didn't live in fear of hugging somebody, going to a wedding or funeral, or attending a birthday party.

Wow! What a WONDERFUL time that was a couple of weeks ago!!

Toilet Paper Wars!

Who woulda thunk that plain ole toilet paper would become a rare commodity in the year of 2020 Ano Domini?

The TP shelves at all the major stores are as barren as the Sahara Desert on a really hot day! 

If this crazy crap (no pun intended) doesn't stop, we'll be trading TP like gold ingots, in all those Apocalypse kind of movies!

Folks will be hijacking semi-trucks hauling loads of TP!

The Toilet Paper Rebellion will be the end of civil society, and anarchy will prevail!!

It will be like...

Dealer - "Psst. Hey dude! I got some primo butt wipe in my bag, man."

Anonymous citizen - "Two ply?"

Dealer - "Right on, man! Only the best for my fragile fannied friends!"

Anonymous citizen - "How much, "friend."

Dealer - "For you...two Benjamin's a four pack."

Anonymous citizen - "Okay. We both know you're rippin' me off, but what choice do I have, you greedy slimeball!"

TP dealer with individual baggies of TP.

Of course, we can follow the French model, and attach a bidet to our toilets! We could eliminate TP altogether! 

I don't know if I'm just imaginating bad things, but I always picture a nasty, wet mess, after I install my bidet incorrectly! I know I'd screw it up!

Back to "bathroom tissue," as they used to call it in the TV commercials. 

Smuggling TP across the border will soon be a critical problem for the Border Patrol! Black market TP will be the "cash cow" for sneaky little smugglers who plan on wiping up the desperate folks who still yearn for their poo poo paper!

No need for desperation, my friends! Just about ANY relatively soft stuff can be used as TP!

How many remember corn cobs? I do! First you use a red one, then you use a white one to see if you need another red one. 

Other items include, Sears catalogs (if any still exist), newspapers (if any still exist), old socks, rags, Kleenex, leaves are always handy, and the way, THEY SAY, some folks in far away lands do it...which I ain't gonna discuss!!

So please refrain from fighting in the TP Wars!

You'll probably not find any anyway. Although my wife found a BIG stash in an undisclosed area here in Pekin! She has sworn to keep it a secret, which is all the better for us!  Sorry if I'm being asinine!