TRAVELIN' TUESDAY

Speaking of traveling, I would love to be able to visit all of my family and friends before I'm stone cold dead, and they spread my ashes along the St. Francis river in southeast Missouri, where I spent some of my happiest childhood days. (When I told my family I wanted to be cremated, like my native American ancestors, I had to make it clear they needed to wait until I'm dead!)

This is a scene from Shogun, but you get the point.

Of course, I would be doing some traveling when the wind carried my ass, I mean ashes, hither and yon over them Ozark mountain ranges, but it would be kinda nice to actually be able to converse with people instead of just making soot on their clothes.

I have NEVER visited my big brother Dave who has lived in Florida for many moons, but you know the cost of gas nowadays, and flying is out of the question because nobody is gonna frisk me, and take pornagrafical pictures of my magnifico naked body!

My brother, Dick, doesn't want me, and I've visited my sister Dee-Dee recently...I think it was 2009, but I don't wanna wear out my welcome. I do that a lot!

It would be so cool to visit my YouTube friends all over the whole wide worm before I walk through dem pearly gates, or the gates of Hades, which ever comes first. Just kidding, just kidding! I'm a sinner, but mercifully forgiven by a really, really forgiving God! REALLY forgiving!!

Where was I, Oh, YEAH, visiting my YouTube friends in my imagination!

I would love to visit Sara in Norway! It looks so beautiful there, and I'd want to go in winter with all the snow and stuff, pet her dog, Bris, feed a baby sheep, and drink some of that Norwegian booze by a fireplace, and listen to Sara Marie sing. 

Okay, okay, I know I can't drink alcohol without killing myself, and never could afford to fly to Norway, but if I'm gonna dream, I might as well dream BIG, huh?

Traveling to Greece to visit my friend Manolis would be great fun! 

Maybe we could do a music video together, drink ouzo, eat delicious Greek food, and I could meet Jim, Manolis' friend, an alien from outer space! (I wonder if ouzo has any alcohol in it? Probably not.)

I've always wanted to go the the U.K. to "Meet The Beatles" (I hope they're home), visit the tower of London, have fish n' chips, drink Guinness beer (Hey, a stroke won't kill me), and most important, meet my little YouTube friend Kate! She is so nice and would give me a tour around town, I hope.

Arrrg, what if she pretends she doesn't know me, and throws slop water on me while I stand on her doorstep, on an ancient cobblestone street? 

That would still be pretty AWESOME!!

I think visiting my great friend Michael (AKA Gounderus), in New Mexico, would be a laugh a minute riot!

I would absolutely die for an an opportunity to make a funny video with him! (And I just might, if I keep doin' all this imaginary drinking!)

Above all else...more than ANYTHING  I could ever, ever imagine in my wildest imagination, for infinity and BEYOND, would be to visit my BFF, Yellow Rose of Texas, who lives ...guess where?

TEXAS!! Yeah, baby!!! OH, BEHAVE!!!

We love the same movies, music, think alike, have grandkids together...uh..well..not together, like together, we just both have adorable grandkids!

We'd ride around her lake on her pink bike (like in Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid), except I would ride on the handlebars!

We would battle with snakes, look at her baby birds, drink wine from her garden jug (it would be worth it), sing silly songs, read sections of my dysfunctional books to her grandchildren, do a video to make all our YouTube friends jealous, laugh...UNCONTROLLABLY, cry a little, listen to Coldplay and the Moody Blues, 

watch the Texas sunsets, watch baby turtles hatching, and be so tired by 9 P.M. that I'd have to crawl to my pup tent and go to bed! 

It's so wonderful to dream!