THOUGHTFUL THURSDAY

Whowee! I'm watching the Cardinals in the Worm Series and they are behind 6 to 1, but the bases are loaded with the Cards at bat and anything can happen with the miracle Cardinals!

A homely run could make it a 6 to 5 game, and I would not be surprised if it happened with Allen Craig coming to bat! 

Well, bird doo-doo, he grounded out!

It must be the 7th inning stretch because a military group is singing God Bless America.

I honestly think the Cardinals will win because so much money is wrapped up in advertisers, food vendors, hotels, souvenirs, and such, that they want it to go the whole 7 games.

Mark my worms!

If I'm wrong, it's okay, because Boston hasn't won a Worm Series at home since 1918, or something like that, and the Cardinals have won quite a few.

I have to admit, I love watching David Ortiz at bat! He can really hit! I just hope he's not "roided up"...that would be sad.

I like baseball players because they talk more intelligently than players in other sports.

Especially bad are the pro basketball players! 

They have college degrees and they talk like blithering idiots! 

"I tol em ta gimme da baa, and I jumps ups an shoots da baa, an we wins da gaa!"

Get any help with your homework, you moron?!

Football players are a little better, until they get so many concussions, they shoot people at random!

I would imagine that chess players talk intelligently, but I don't follow chess, so how would I know.

I really dislike the part when a team wins the Worm Series and everyone is pouring champagne on each other!

It looks cold, sticky, eye burny, and silly to me! 

I would get away from that mess, before I got wet! 

However, then a bunch of them would track me down and pour champagne on my head anyway, so what's the use, huh?

The Cardinals are only two outs away from losing now! 

Uh, oh! NOW ONLY ONE OUT AWAY FROM LOSING!

The crowd is going WILD!!!

What's gonna happen?!

BOSTON WINS THE SERIES!!

BOSTON WINS THE SERIES!!!

BOSTON WINS THE SERIES!!!!

I'm happy for them. They outplayed the Cardinals fair and square..ahem! Excuse me, I had a frog in my throat.

Just wait until NEXT YEAR!

OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY

Gary turned around slowly, sensing something very large and terrifying was behind him. Here is what he saw...

How was our little hero going to get past this gigantic, multi- headed dragon, to recue his Glirkazoid friends, who were held captive in the Badazzbeast's castle pictured above? 

Little did he know that Glrrrl((()))##++yowow77 ( Yo 77 for short) had been sent by the Supreme Glirkheads to give him assistance in time of need! 

This was a time of need for sure...so when Gary had to shield his eyes  from the dragon's fire, Yo 77 came up from behind the monster, threw a lasso around one of his necks, and tied the other end to a fast moving "sky train," which pulled the critter off into infinity!

To Gary, it seemed like the dragon just vanished into thin air! 

Yo 77 was out of sight before Gary knew it, because Gary would have been upset to learn he was being helped. Especially by a girl!!

Yo 77

Gary was pure in heart, but still had a few flaws, like pride, envy, impatience, arrogance, and lots of other stuff.

It just so happened that Yo 77 scored the highest rating of any Glirkazoid to have ever graduated from the Academy,  male or female!! 

In addition, she was superior in compassion and empathy, because she had TWO HEARTS! 

Gary now had an open road to the castle! He ran at lightening speed, jumped the wide moat like a mountain goat, (hey, that rhymed), defeated 111 guards with his martial arts skill of keek-yo-bot, used his mind retranspostion method to gain the whereabouts of his 222 buddies from the brain of the Badazzbeast's head slave, and found his way to the tower of the castle, where he saw his friends locked behind bars, and in chains!

As Gary made his way down the dark corridor he was suddenly surprised by the enormous, filthy, ugly, Badazzbeast, who jumped out of a secret passageway to block Gary's way to his pals, and try to eat Gary while he was at it!!

The bunny is NOT Gary, this is the only picture I could find of the Badazzbeast.

Our hero, Gary! Yaaaaay!

Gary battled with the Badazzbeast valiantly, but he was no match for a creature 100 times bigger and stronger than him!

Just as the Beast is about to devour our little buddy, a colorful flash of light, like a rainbow colored sunbeam, streams into the corridor. 

It's Yo 77!!

I know what you're thinking, this picture of Yo 77 doesn't look like the picture above, right?

That's because Yo 77 changes her appearance when she goes in to action, to save Gary!!

Even though Yo 77 has to show herself to Gary, she knows that Gary is in serious doo doo, and he needs some backup!

They double team Mr. Badazzbeast!

First Yo 77 smacks him upside his hideous mouth, then Gary kicks him where it REALLY hurts, Yo 77 then wraps her lasso around his ugly legs and trips him, so Gary can point his ray gun into the Beast's mouth to shoot off his uvula...which is the only way to destroy a Badazzbeast! 

In a really cool, fiery display of orange, yellow and blue flames, the Badazzbeast blows up in front of our eyes, and the triumphant music begins to play in the background!

Then we hear Gary say, "Did they HAVE to send a girl?!!"

In the next scene, Gary and Yo 77 are releasing the 222 captives, the camera backs away from our dynamic duo, farther and farther through the roof of the castle, showing the castle on the mountain top, then up, up, through the clouds, in to the stars...and the song, When You're A Free Man, by the Moody Blues, is playing ever so sweetly in the background  until the end of the movie and through the credits.

No, wait!  This ain't a movie! It was so exciting, it felt like an action packed movie!

This is REAL LIFE!

See ya next week for OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY!!!

HALLOWEEN MEMORIES

Halloween, in St.Louis, when I was a kid,
Back in the fifties, long ago, here's what we did,
We went to every house that had a light lit,
With large grocery bags, so the candy would fit.

We dressed as monsters, witches, and ghosts,
And we would see which one got the most,
Yummy candy, of all shapes and sizes,
And would compare our clever disguises.

My costume was always homemade,
By my Mom, no, we never paid,
For an outfit bought at the store,
To beg candy at everyone's door.

We would cry to the homes, "trick or treat,"
And the people seemed happy to greet,
All the creatures that lurked on their step,
Who had slithered, and limped up, and crept.

Some neighbors would have us come in,
And would say to us all with a grin,
Sing a song, say a poem, tell a joke,
Or no candy we'll put in your poke.

So with red faces and shy,
We would sing a cute song, by and by,
Or recite a short poem, with some fear,
And the neighbors would grin ear to ear.

Sometimes it was windy and cold,
On that Halloween night from of old,
But matter to us, it did not,
Look at all of the candy we got!

My family had kids numbering 6,
We got bags full of treats without tricks,
We dumped them all on Mom's kitchen table,
It's a good thing that table was stable,

Cause a mountain of candy appeared,
And even though this may sound weird,
We could eat what we wanted, the sweetest,
Maybe that's why I have diabetes!

BURMA SHAVE

My Halloween Blog Post

With the dark, evil holiday of Halloween approaching, I offer a triad of my scariest Halloween style videos!

Be prepared for the most terrifying experiences in horror and suspense since Psycho met the Exorcist!

Be AFRAID! Be VERY AFRAID!!

Feast your pathetic eyes on the darkest realm of the soul that begins with terror, moves on to INTENSE terror, and then kind of fizzles out at the end.

We begin with the classic, Glirkademon...Lord Of The Underworld!!

The next super scary video may be way too disturbing for the kiddies, so make sure you remove them from the room before you turn out the lights and watch this!!

HALLOWEEN CREEPY!!

Finally, my fiesta-resistonce of creepy features, Glirakazoids And Werewolves!!!

Have a safe and candy filled Halloweenie!

SUNDAY, SUNDAY!!

Jan Gabriel died Jan. 10, 2010.

Who is Jan Gabriel?

Well, if you lived in the St. Louis or Chicago area you still have his exciting, exhilarating commercials in your head! 

Why am I writing about him now?

I don't know for sure, but this morning 

I had, "SUNDAY, SUNDAY, SUNDAY," going through my head! 

Click on the link below, and you'll know what I'm talking about:

http://www.jancgabriel.com/home_page.php

Have an AWESOME SUNDAY, SUNDAY, SUNDAY!!!!!

SURREAL SATURDAY

I'm bringing back Surreal Saturday today, because Part 5 of my 5 Part Tutorial really sucked, and I was too embarrassed to show it.

You may recall that on Surreal Saturday I scan the vast array of surreal art on the enter-knet, and put hilarious captions under them!

HA HA HA! What a funny dude I am!!

Taa taa, folks! Welcome to Happy's dead, I mean, Bed and Breakfast! 

Don't mind my little friends if they give you a bit of a nip, they mean no harm!

Ever wonder where the term "butt ugly" got started?

Scientists have discovered that cigarette smoking speeds hair growth.

The chairman of the bored.

Another successful Illinois highway project.

Brilliant new government project to repair San Andreas fault line.

The secret of what makes the world go around.

Designer of Obamacare website.

Have a great and wonderful Surreal Saturday my friends!

FAN FRIDAY

 I am a fan of freedom,

And it makes me shed a tear,

When it seems that what was liberty,

Is replaced by doubt and fear.

Can we still say what we want to say,

Is it politically correct,

Are we afraid to speak our minds,

With "Big Brother" on our necks?

Can we raise our children like before,

When we could discipline with love,

Or will we be charged with child abuse,

Caged like a wounded dove?

Our Fathers fought for freedom,

Many died for freedom's cause,

But now God is not allowed in schools,

Not even Santa Clause!

I wonder when the day will come,

When I can't write these words,

When "they" say I'm a seditionist,

And never should be heard?

Remember, if you speak the truth,

And are found by the N.S.A.,

They may think you are a traitor,

Who hates the U.S.A.!

But all you want is freedom,

You're not talking gun and fist,

Just liberty and life,

And pursuit of happiness!

I am a fan of freedom,

And I think that you are, too,

So stand up and cry out LIBERTY,

Before it's taken from you!

By Danny Maness

THOUGHTFUL THURSDAY

Writing silly stuff, silly stuff, silly stuff today, and if you do not like it, you can go away!

I'm tired of Obama care, and wars all over the earth, I'd rather dwell on silly stuff, happy times, and mirth!

Puppies, kitties, babies sweet, fill my imagination, maybe I will dream again of going on vacation.

Of course, I have no money, to take a pleasant trip, but if I could, I'd fly away, or sail out on a ship!

To an island where the weather's warm and the girls all wear bikinis, I'd sit out on the sandy beach, grilling up my weenies!

Don't want to think of sickness, sadness, or abuse, I'd rather write this goofy stuff, and be a silly goose!

I'm told I need to stop a while, and face reality, I think I'll just ignore them, and climb up in my tree,

Away above the problems, the hatred, and the lying, I'll think a lot on living, and never think of dying!

Crying doesn't suit me, I'm big, and tough, and strong, I'll forget about my dumb ole debts, and sing a happy song!

I have family who loves me, friends closer than a brother, special ones who comfort me, like an ever caring mother!

Taking life dead seriously, 

I'll leave to hardier stock, 

I tried to do it years ago, 

And wound up on the rocks,  

 So now I'll just be silly, 

Dance, and laugh and sing, 

And leave the sorrow and tears to those,

 Who can deal with what life brings.

BURMA SHAVE

OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY

The 222 Glirkazoids that were being held captive by the Badazzbeast were hoping, beyond hope, that a hero would come and release them from their slavish conditions!

They were forced to do the "beast's" bidding, from cleaning his nasty, filthy castle, to scraping dirt out from under his hideous, gigantic claws!

Our hero, GARY!

Little did they know that our hero, Gary, was on his way to save them, with his pure heart giving him the strength and courage to continue on and on, through the Desert Of Burning Sand, swimming the River Of Piranhas, circumventing the gale force winds of Fartzfluffer, and now climbing the terrifying Mountain Of A Thousand Deaths!

Gary had the feeling someone had been watching him the whole time, while he conquered the many obstacles on his way to the Mountain Of a Thousand Deaths!

Gary would see flashes of colors here and there, and then cold water would appear in front of him in the desert, another flash of colors, and the piranhas seemed to swim away from him, and the Fartzfluffer winds would somehow be diverted in another direction after a glimpse of colors!



What was going on?

It was as if some unknown spirit was helping him!

Who or what could it be?!

Gary couldn't dwell on that right now. He was busy ascending to the top of the Mountain Of  1000 Deaths, where the castle of the Badazzbeast was located, and where his cute little Glirkazoid friends were being held captive!

There was danger in every step, as he climbed higher and higher, over the treacherous terrain, with sharp rocks cutting into Gary's flesh, a torrential rain pouring on his green little body and into his elongated eyes, and giant pterodactyls attempting to pluck him off the side of the mountain!

In spite of the nearly impossible odds, Gary felt as if an invisible presence was lifting him up when he fell, shielding him from the rain, and fighting off the pterodactyls with him!

The CASTLE!! The grotesque, black, horrible castle loomed ahead of Gary!

It was guarded by 12, two headed dragons, or was it 2, 12 headed dragons? 

Anyway, it was going to be a monumental task for Gary to even enter the castle, to rescue his 222 little buddies!

Gary hears the sound of something very humongous behind him, he turns around and...

We will continue with our continuing story on the next...

OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY...day, day, day,...