NO SNOW SATURDAY

My heart is heavy with the forecast of 3 to 8 inches of MORE snow in the next few hours!

In fact, 3 more inches will break the record for snowiest winter of all tom in Peoria!

I don't want to break no STINKING record! I'm tired of the "white death," as I prefer to call it!

So, here are a few of the ways we can stop the snow from coming, that I've conjured up in my inimitable brain.

1. Go outside right now, face the west, and begin yelling at the top of your lungs, " COME ON SNOW, COME ON SNOW, COME ON SNOW," for 93 minutes, exactly.

2. Drag out all of your snow gear, winter coats, boots, shovels, ice picks, dog sled, sled dogs, your big Russian fur hat...and put them on your front porch.

3. This is most important! Go out and buy the most expensive, state of the art, largest, snow thrower available...and put it in your driveway!

4. Now tell everybody, family, friends, neighbors,strangers,EVERYONE...that "a huge snow storm is coming, MARK MY WORDS, a GIGANTIC snow storm, and I've got everything ready to handle it this time, by George!!

Of course, the snow will pass over you, to make you look like a fool! 

But deep in your cunning heart, you will know that you outsmarted the "white death," this tom!!

HA HA HA HA HA HA! (NOW MORE AND MORE HA HA'S, LIKE AN EVIL DUDE IN A CLASSIC FLICK), HAAA, HAAAA, HAAAAAA, HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

33 a few hours