Newfangled TV Ads Make Me Mad!

I'm so frustrated with these newfangled TV commercials! 

Unlike normal folks, I used to love watching commercials. Especially the weird and funny commercials that had weird and funny characters, like Mr. Whipple...

Madge...

The Trix rabbit...

Wally Cox...

The Maytag Man...

Way back when, the ads were slow enough to follow, understandable, and devoid of pyrotechnics and CGI (computer generated images, for you in Goofy Ridge). 

Tell me I'm just an old geezer, but I cannot keep up with 21st century commercials! Okay, who said, "You old geezer?"

First of all, they do the ad in split second flashes! Before you can get a brief glimpse of the attractive focus group, they flash on to another attractive focus group, then continue to do 1 second flashes of different focus groups, cars, dogs, babies, vacations and more, until I forget what the commercial is all about, and I have a headache!!

Example of what I'm talkin' about! 

A lot of times I'll watch a commercial that has bizarro music, an actor who THEY think I should recognize, no words, but lots of swirling, colorful  CGI stuff in the background. When it's over, I have no idea what THEY were advertising! 

Example of ad that makes no sense!

Here's something else THEY  have been doing for a while, that drives me totally BONKERS! 

Playing the boring ad twice in a row is NOT gonna make me buy the product! Playing the ad THREE TIMES IN A ROW is gonna cause me to NEVER buy the product!! Even if I desperately need it!! 

Guess if I'll ever buy a My Pillow.

In the old days, if they wanted to sell you a hamburger, they would show a nice, juicy hamburger, steaming on a plate. It made me hungry for a hamburger. Duh!

Especially White Castle Hamburgers! Yum!!

Now, they will show everything else BUT a big juicy hamburger, in many commercials! A sexy girl leaning on a sexy car...a family at a theme park...Sea Turtles (to capture the environmental crowd), a doo wop group...Sorry, but none of that stuff makes me hungry like a picture of a NICE JUICY HAMBURGER, a LARGE ORDER OF FRIES and a BIG COKE!

There are about a thousand other things in commercials I could complain about, but, as you all know, I'm not one to complain.

However...I want to conclude with the fast talking disclaimers. To save themselves from lawsuits, the ad folks include disclaimers that are faster than light speed X 10! 

Why? No one understands them! They actually make me angry, because it's like someone is speaking a foreign language to make me feel inferior, which I always feel when some superior foreigner is talking to me, let alone an American who speaks a foreign tongue to me! How do they do that? I can't do that!!

This is funny!

So, let me leave you with one of my all time favorite commercials from days of olde...

If you remember this you're a seasoned citizen!