Asian Carpnado 2 .... The Copi Chronicles

Actual replay of last scene of Asian Carpnado, with Greg and Ed looking out of the window at the aftermath and commenting on the Mayan prophesy and ....

Switch to new movie ... Dan walks up behind them with the cardboard carp under his arm...

Dan - Hey guys!! 

Greg and stand in for Ed, since he has retired, freak out!!! 

Greg - "Dan!! Why aren't you dead? You needed to be dead for the Mayan prophesy to have been fulfilled!!! "

Dan - (Whispering) - "This is where I'm way smarter than I look, partner. I just PRETENDED to be dead, the moron Mayan gods fell for my ploy, and cancelled the Asian Carpnado!!" 

Greg - Do you think messing with Mayan gods is wise, buddy? 

Dan - No probleemo, Greg! Did I ever tell you I grew up on the mean streets of Chi-town! My Uncle Guido used to say (in Italian accent) "Danny boy," he always called me Danny boy, "Mayan gods not-a gonna mess-a with a gooda fella!

Greg - "I seriously hope you're right, Kemosabe! By the way, it's not Asian Carp anymore."

Dan - "What you talkin' 'bout, Willis?"

Greg - "The state of Illinois has declared that the infamous Asian Carp will now be referred to as Copi."

Dan - "Copi? Copi?!! Why Copi?!! That's dopey!!"

Greg - "I don't know why, Danny!! This is not the Copi Details Show!!" 

Dan - "Will there be a state holiday, or festival...like Copi Days?"

Greg - "I DON'T KNOW, Mr. Diablo, they didn't tell me!!!"

Dan - "Who came up with the idea to change the name? I liked the Asian Carp name!"

Greg - "DO I LOOK LIKE CAPTAIN COPI?!!! You keep asking all these questions, that I have no answers for, compadre!!"

Dan - "Sorry, Greg. Do you think the Asian Carp Society will oppose this renaming?!!! 

Greg - "You mean the A.C.S.? I HAVE NO IDEA! By the way, do you know what's better than eating Copi, traveling just a few miles to Bradford to eat at ....

Change of scene...Tribal meeting of ancient Mayan gods in a smoky atmosphere...Mayan gods have feather headdresses...

Itzamna (creator god) - "Hey, Yum Kaax, what is the status on the world wide plague?"

Yum Kaax (nature god) - "Excellent, Itzamna! We taught the mortals a good lesson, alright!"

Itzamna - "Great? What did we teach them, Yum Kaax?"

Yum Kaax - "Well, uh, we taught them, um, that's a good question, Great Creator!"

Itzamna - "Good grief. Okay, what's the status  with the Asian Carpnado, skeezix?"

Yum Kaax - "Awesome, Majestic One, a lot of indiscriminate destruction, and the sacrifice of a goodfella, Dan Diorio!! Thus, the Asian Carpnado was cancelled!!"

Itzamna - "Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, Yum Kaax!!! Dan Diorio did NOT die!!! He was only faking his death, and you, stupidly, fell for his ploy, numbskull!!!" 

Yum Kaax - "How did you know that and I didn't!"

Itzamna - Duh!! I'm the CRE-A-TOR? Nothin' slips past me, Yum Kaax!!"

Yum Kaax - (gulp) "So then you know about the..."

Itzamna - "Yes, and you need to put it back!"

Yum Kaax - "And when I..."

Itzamna - "Of course, and you didn't even wash your hands afterward!"

Yum Kaax - "I beg your forgiveness oh, Beauteous One, should I send another Asian Carpnado?!"

Itzumna - "You idiot! You will NOT send another Asian Carpnado!! This time you will be sending something much more destructive and devastating!!! A (dum, dum, dum sound ) Copi- nado!!!!"

Yum Kaax - "But, I mean, isn't that the same as an Asian..."

Itzumna - "Silence, Yum Kaax!! This one will be different, because, uh, let me see, it will be approved by the state of Illinois, since the name is politically correct!"

Yum Kaax - "Ho-kay, I think I get it, but how will it stop, oh, Merciful One!"

Itzumna - "Ha ha ha!!!! Stop? It will NEVER stop, because the only way it could POSSIBLY end is if Greg and Dan hug each other in the middle of Fulton Plaza, in front of a sizable crowd!!! And dat ain't never gonna happen, Yum Kaax!!! Oh, I am so bad!! Ha ha ha ha, haaaaaa!!!!"

Scene change to Greg and Dan watching movie and talking...

Dan - "Do you think this sequel is as good as the original, Greg? Is that a bat flying around?"

Greg - "Let's face it, brother. Sequels are NEVER as good as the original, and yes, that's a bat!"

Dan - "Maybe we shouda done it in 3D and found an A-lister like Ray Liotta, to spice it up a bit."

Greg - Ray Liotta would have been great, but he's not available anymore, if you know what I mean."

Dan - "That's why I said an A-lister LIKE Ray Liotta."

Greg - "Who's as great as Ray Liotta, Danny?"

Dan - "Well, how about, Ray Romano?"

Greg - "Ray Romano? Do you think Ray Romano is an A-lister?"

Dan - "No. Okay, what about, Brad Garrett or Peter Boyle?" 

Greg - "Peter Boyle is gone, Little Tommy, and you seem to think the whole cast of E.L.R. are A-listers."

Dan - "E.L.R.?"

Greg - "Everybody Loves Raymond! Next you'll suggest Patricia Heaton!"

Dan - "Do you think she would have been available? She coulda been a screamer! A classic movie like this needs a good screamer!"

(clip of screaming woman)

Greg - "Or maybe she could play the sexy Virgin Copi Princess, sent to make the movie PG, because everyone knows a PG rated movie is more popular than a G rated."

Dan - "Are these chocolate nuggets in my popcorn, Greg? They really have a choco-nutty taste!"

Greg - "Let's see. (Greg tastes them) Uh, remember that bat flying around here a few minutes ago? This is his guano, buddy. 

Dan - "Spit, spit, hack, cough, gag...

Scene change to Bradley professor talking to students...

Professor Lipshitz - "So as we re-analyze the natural origins of the Asian Carpnado..."

Student 1 - Professor Lipshitz, it's COPI-nado!!" 

Professor Lipshitz - "Very well, COPI-nado. We find the Mayan curse myth is nothing but a, um, MYTH! Pure science now shows that when you consider wind direction, isobars, cold fronts, manifest destiny, Minions, barometric pressure, guano particles, and tiny shiny items in the atmosphere, the super destructive Asian, I mean, COPI-nado is nothing more than a freak of nature, like Marty Wombacher! 

Student 1 - (Looking out the window) Holy carp!!! 

(CGI of whirling, swirling, COPI-NADO)

(Scene change to news room with excited newsgirl, Jules)

Jules - We have numerous reports of a whirling, swirling mass of fish that smells worse than rotten tomatoes! An apparent tornado sucked up the Copi from the Illinois River, and the razor sharp fins of the fish are cutting through Peoria like a Ginsu knife through hot butta! One report is of a Bradley student, Bob, who had his fillings knocked out by the tremendous force of the Copi-nado! He said, "man, like, it hit me so hard my brain felt like mashed potatoes." 

Scene change to Fulton Plaza

(Greg and Dan, with innocent bystanders, cowering from great COPI-NADO)

Greg - "Danny!!! I told you it wasn't nice to fool Mother Nature!!!"

Dan - "No, you said, " Do you think messing with Mayan gods is wise, buddy?"

Greg - "Okay, but either way we are royally screwed, Diablo!!"  What do you think we should do in these last moments of existence, my faithful friend?" 

Dan - "Let's don our shorty robes, Big Guy!! 

Greg - "Good idea!

(Greg and Dan remove their clothing and reveal shorty robes, underneath everything)

Dan - "Now what?"

Greg - "We need food and adult beverages, and there just so happens to be an abandoned charcuterie board right here, and a cooler full of libations!"

Dan - "I just want some snacks and booze before we "go!" 

Greg - "Never mind...just eat, drink and be merry for today we cease to exist!"

Dan - "I'm pretty open minded, Greg, but I won't be Mary for nobody! I don't go for that, no can do!"

Greg - "What?"

Dan - "What?"

Greg - "What in the heck are you talking about, Danny?!"

Dan - "What?"

Greg - "However, we need to do something that we've never really done before, my dear friend!" 

Dan - "What you talkin' 'bout?" 

Greg - "We need to give each other a big hug before we're ripped to shreds from this COPI-nado!!!"

(Greg and Dan stand two feet apart and stare lovingly at each other.)

A Time For Us music begins to play and after what seems to be a century, they hold out their arms and say...

Greg and Dan - NO WAY!!!! 

The Copi-nado swoops in and carries them away!!! 

Will we ever see Greg and Dan again?

What do you think?