SUNDAY SONGS 

Have a nice Sunday!

MY COLONOSCOPY WAS FUN!

My first colonoscopy was 20 years ago,

I cried like a girl, so pathetic,

I had to drink a whole bottle of Castor Oil,

And they didn't use an anesthetic!

Yesterday was quite an improvement,

They gave me stuff that tasted like Kool Aid,

To give me an all night bowel movement,

After that I had it "made in the shade!"

The doctor had me lay on the table,

After a sec it was "night night,"

 So I was ready, willing and able,

To endure that 20 foot snakelight!

Doc found one polyp and snipped it,

He said it didn't look bad,

Then he took him 3 clips and he clipped it,

So it wouldn't bleed, and I'm glad!

So don't put off this procedure,

Cancer is nothing to mock,

Colonoscopies aren't as bad as they once were,

Time's running out on your clock!

BURMA SHAVE

FANNY FRIDAY

Having a colonoscopy today,

I hope for me you pray!

The preparation was not fun,

It gave me the runny "runs!"

I haven't ate one thing since Wednesday,

I think I could eat a giant stingray!

I vowed I'd never go through this again,

But the doctor said it would be a sin,

If I died from some unseen cancer,

Colonoscopy was the only answer.

I think this time won't be as bad,

I'm more ready, not so sad,

I'm more prepared than in the past,
With Obamacare shoved up my a**s!

Wit

Christmas - “Holler" Days

Harken to the joyous sounds, sights and smells of the Christmas of yesteryear. 

Yuletide carols, sleigh bells tinkling profusely in the crisp, crystalline air that crackles ever so gently on your lips and eyelashes.

"Doggy Jingle Bells" playing on a distant unseen radio.

The snapping and popping of an old Ozark stone fireplace as hickory logs send their sweet Christmas perfume through the halls and doorways of an antique log cabin home filled with everlasting Christmas spirit.

This, my good and faithful friends, was not what Christmas was like in my childhood.

My dad hated Chris-----
No, that is a bit too harsh if you ask me. (Go ahead and ask me.)
(You - Isn't that a, bit too harsh?) (Me- Yeah, I think it is too harsh.)

Let me rephrase that statement.
My dad hated spending money for Christmas, putting up the tree, putting toy's together, putting up decorations in the yard and on the house, going to church for a Christmas service or pageant and I never, ever heard him say Merry Christmas. Funny thing. He was a ministers son!

Yep, yep;. that's what I said. A minister’s son. (you always knew they were the worst, didn't you?)

Something in his childhood must have made him bitter towards Christmas and religion in general. ( or maybe he just had a heart two sizes too small).

So, Christmas was literally the holler days at our house.

Dad would holler at mom for spending too much money for Christmas and mom would holler back at dad. Then, all of us kids would start hollering at each other because it just seemed like the thing to do.

Let me share something that totally amazed me.

My dad was a good man. Really!
However, Christmas made him angry, upset, frustrated, foul mouthed, and belligerent.

O.K., now, here is what amazed me.
When dad visited his mother around Christmas, he was a perfect angel.
No cursing, no smoking, no drinking., Why, he was even in a good mood! (at least, he pretended to be).

How did he turn it on and off like that? He never slipped up, either!
Listen to how dad sounded when he stubbed his toe at home - "G.D. son-of-a-bleep and bleepers!)

Now listen to how he sounded if he stubbed his toe at his mommies house, - Oh, shucks, excuse me for such harsh
language.

Dad, at home- Hey, you! Bring me my cigarettes and a beer and then pull my finger.

Dad, at his mommies place - Oh, how I deplore those wicked, wicked souls who partake of "demon" beer and cancer sticks, mommie dearest. (the Academy award goes to Dad for the best performance in a Christmas setting.)

We always got a real Christmas tree. It wasn't really Christmas without a real evergreen tree like Jesus had.

More excerpts from the "Holler Days" chapter of my book next Thoughtful Thursday! 

OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY

OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY

Gary and Yellow Rose were so joyful! Glirkmas was coming quickly and they were actually going to get some time off from saving planets, civilizations, and universes, to join in the ancient celebration!

FYI...all the Christmas traditions and customs, like the Christmas tree, colored lights, elves, flying reindeer, Santa Claus, singing carols, ringing bells, giving gifts...all came from the ancient Glirkazoid festival of Glirkmas!

When a small band of Glirkazoids crash landed on earth around the time Jesus was born, they soon became believers in Christ, and incorporated all of their Glirkmas traditions into their Christmas celebrations.

Glirkmas has been celebrated by the Glirkazoids for trillions of years to simply have a cool happy day!

Everything begins to make sense when you learn that on their planet of Glirka the trees have natural, organic, colored lights that grow, and wrap around all the way to the top!

When the Glirkazoid children are old enough, they place a star on top of some of the trees. The star represents their sun, which is 10,000 times bigger than the Earth's sun, and keeps them nice and warm all the time...like in Jamaica.

The ancient Glirkazoid elders dress up in their sacred red robes, with white trim, and with their long white beards..uh..well you can see how the Santa Claus idea began.

Glirka actually has flying reindeer that the elders ride on to deliver gifts to the whole Glirkazoid world population.

There are special craftsmen on Glirka who make the gifts for everyone else, and they are all short...4 inches...MAX!

So now you can see where the story of elves got started.

Glirkazoids add to they joy of Glirkmas by going to each others homes singing songs and ringing bells, and this is also a good way to find a Glirkazoid chicks! 

Glirkazoid chicks think bells are "rad!"

Hey, I don't know! It's their weird custom!

Gary would be visiting his family on the east side of Glirka and Yellow Rose would be celebrating the holiday on the west side of the planet.

Sure, they argue about things from tom to tom, try to outdo each other on their missions, get on each others nerves occasionally, but deep down they are forever TRUE friends, and would miss each other on Glirkmas.

So off they zoomed to their respective destinations, looking forward to a great and glorious Glirkmas vacation!

 Little did they know what would soon befall them!

Join us next Wednesday for OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY!!!!!!!!!

TREMENDOUS TUESDAY

Can't help but share these tremendous pictures on TREMENDOUS TUESDAY!!!

Here is what Breanna's mommy, Ashley, had to
 say: After Breanna's not so easy 

appointment today, we took her to see

Santa for the second time, (first time 

was with Brooklin). She had her mask 

on, he spent 10 mins just talking to her. 

She whispered to him "can I take a 

picture with you." Before we left Santa 

gave her a hug and said I love you. 

Hands down one of the best Santa's 

thus far. 


I personally think this was the REAL Santa!

Look at the facts! A REAL beard, old, kind eyes...

Look at the pictures again.  Have you ever seen 

ANYONE that looked like Santa as much as him?!

I think not!


What a tremendous revelation that Santa takes the 

time to come down from the North Pole to talk to his 

fans during such a busy season for him!

"Christmas isn't just a day...it's a frame of mind."

Did you watch the Miracle On 34th St. 

 clip? Then you are a true believer in  Santa Claus!

If you just skipped over it, too bad you 

outgrew the wonderment and magic of 

Santa Claus. You, you....ADULT!

For all of you children at heart...here is 

a classic:

Twas The Night Before Christmas

I hope you watched the classic, Twas The Night Before Christmas, and I hope your heart is as happy as mine is right now!

MANESS MUSIC MONDAY

Dee- Dee is cute one in front!

It's my sister Dee-Dee's Birthday today, and I made a special version of this song I wrote in her honor!

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay,

Dee- Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!

SUPER SILLY SUNDAY

DRUG WAR IN PROGRESS

 "When you said let's go for a spin I thought..."

Have a grape Sunday!

Happy Dan...Happy Man

I am happy that my wife Donna came through her surgery okay! I was really worried! 

Who else would be able to put up with me?! 

I'm happy for my 7 granddaughters who make me feel loved all the time!

I'm also happy for my wife's children who make me feel like a Dad!

Benji the Wonderpup makes me happy!

Happy for Cheryl and her husband who are feeling better, and extremely thankful for the friendship of Yellow Rose!

Happy I know Daveman, Manolis, Gounderus, Dee Tom, Chea, Jay,
Kate, Kiel, and others who have touched my heart through YouTube!

I get really happy when I get comments from my sister Dee-Dee, and my nieces Gina, Julie & Paula! Yaaaaaaaaaay!

Also from my wife's brother, Dave, who is very funny and talented!

I know I left some folks out, but you know who you are and that I love ya!!

Which brings me to my "Sad Depressing Song" that has gone over the 500 views mark! Again I exclaim Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!

518 to be exact!


This song is only a parody of sad, depressing songs (that means I'm making fun of sad depressing songs), like Alanis Morissette might do, or that Counting Crows guy, I do a very bad impression of Adam Duritz in this video. I'm a happy guy..REALLY!

As a rule, stay cool, don't be a fool, and sit on that stool, wit yer ole boots and leggins'!!

BLOGGING ON BLACK FRIDAY

I'm blogging on black Friday,

I don't know what that means,

I'm looking out my window,

While pulling up my jeans,

And everything looks normal,

The world has not gone black,

The way the news dude put it,

Gave me a heart attack!

Maybe it's a holiday,

To celebrate black history,

But I don't see a big parade,

Black Friday's still a mystery.

I just turned on the boob tube,

And what do you think I see,

People fighting, kicking, screaming,

While on a shopping spree!

Why don't they take a deep breath,

Be happy, joyful, gay,

And appreciate this sacred time,

That's fondly called Black Friday.

Whatever that m