DID OBAMA MAKE A POOR SWAP?

Bowe Bergdahl was swapped for 5 bloodthirsty terrorists, and everyone is all frazzled about it! 

Since I do not believe ANYTHING  I see on the "news" anymore, I'm just gonna talk about lopsided swaps that might have been.

Camilla Parker-Bowles for Princess Diana.

Tiny Tim for the Beatles.

Lassie for Arnold the pig.

Marilyn Monroe for Twiggy.

Lawrence Olivier for The 3 Stooges.

Abraham Lincoln for Al Jolson

Alfalfa for The Mormon Tabernacle Choir.

Johnny Carson for Conan O'brien.

King Kong for Boots, on Dora The Explora.

The United States Marine Corp for Barney Fife.

Brad Pitt for Lyle Lovitt.

Alaska for Rhode Island.

Ice Cream for slimy spinach.

The St. Louis Cardinals for the Cubs.

IS EVERYONE AS HAPPY AS THEY PRETEND TO BE ON FAZEBOOK?

When I'm on Fazebook, 

I put my best foot forward,

Don't tell them 'bout my debts and pain,

Act like my life is heading starward!

http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/starward

Even though I'm feelin' down and out,
I pretend I'm jump and jivey,
Don't tell 'em 'bout my toothache,
Or my bout with poison ivy!

I want to show my Fazebook friends,
I'm happy and successful,
Why bring them down with rotten news,
And make their lives more stressful.

Folks will tell about their cruise,
How everything was first rate,
But fail to mention the spoiled fish,
That made them 'gurgitate!

The family reunion was a hit,
On Fazebook it sounded fun,
Of course we never hear about,
How Uncle Charlie used his gun!

Fazebook is for nicey nice,
For puppy dogs and kittens,
We don't tell about our problems much,
We keep that all unwritten.

So then, is everyone as happy,
As they pretend to be on Fazebook,
Of course they're not, but we all knew,
Uncle Charlie was a crook...anyway!
BURMA SHAVE

I HOPE MY MIND KEEPS IMAGINATING

I keep losing a bit of my mind every day, it's sad to say,

Faces I knew so well in the past are fading fast.

I even forget names like Spencer Tracy, one of the best,

Funny how I can remember Evelyn West, and her $50,000 Treasure Chest!

However, my greatest fear and trepidation is losing my imagination.

I can be strong and young again, watch the trains at Union Station,
ride the "street cars" of St. Louis, in my imagination.

Alas, my memory grows so dim I'm losing "banks" to draw from,
I remember mom feeding homeless men, back then they called them "bums."

I'm glad I still remember that,
Her kindness so extreme,
I'm not as good as she was,
Not even in my dreams.

I need to write about the things I saw since my creation, but if I forget some details I've got my imagination!
BURMA SHAVE

SOUND THE ALARM

Sound the alarm, because the state of the Union is not as it should be,

Sound the alarm, because millions still are not free,

Sound the alarm, at wake up and in the still mid night,

Sound the alarm, but be prepared to fight,

There are those who wish to do you harm if you sound the alarm,

So build a wall around you, no, not of brick and mortar, but of truth and integrity,

So everyone can see you're not at all like me!

BURMA SHAVE

I Wish I Could Have A Beer

A beer is such a simple pleasure, 

Like an ice cold golden treasure,

But I can't drink the brew so fair,

Since diabetes climbed my stair.

He came to visit suddenly,

And brought me thirst, the urge to pee,

Sheer exhaustion, health cost fear,

Oh, how I wish I had a beer!

I used to drink beer all the time,

Not enough to cloud my mind,

Just pure refreshment for the heat,

Now I have numbness in my feet.

From what they call neuropathy,
That sometimes overpowers me,
My meds make all my thoughts unclear,
Worse than if I'd had a beer!


Diabetes is a devil,
He's not on the straight and level,
He'll give you sweets and call you dear,
And then he'll take away your beer!
BURMA SHAVE

LIGHT FROM THE PIT
by Danny Maness

Hear my cries echoing from the pit,

Clap, clap, clap ancient ones,

While the yellow brick walls ooze green slime,

How can I scale the steep wall,

with the slippery slide of prejudice surrounding me?

Maya Angelou felt the hopelessness of the pit,

Her fears were based on the reality of things seen,

A tragic childhood memory never forgotten,

Then the piling on, piling on,

Until she finally realized she was Maya Angelou.

The light beaming from her face,

Could have only been ignited in the pit,

That face, HER face was sheer joy,

The antithesis of hate, and bigotry.

How bright a glow from the lamp,

burning in the deepest darkest places,

A light out in the sunshine can barely be seen,

But how clear the flame lit in the darkness.

I have a pit to climb from every day,

Oh, how I've prayed to have Maya Angelou's spirit,

I'm not even close,

I wonder if she can throw me a ladder now?

OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY

WEDNESDAY WEDNESDAYWEDNESDAY  WEDNESDAY

The opening scene shows the Silver Sausage (Gary and Yellow Rose's spaceship) simply floating among the countless number of shining stars in this little ole place we like to call the universe.

Now the camera lens zooms in closer and closer on the Silver Sausage, until it's looking right through a porthole to where we can see Yellow Rose and Gary working on something very complicated and technical looking, like a master computer, with wires sticking out, switches, blinking lights, and NO INSTRUCTIONS!

Gary - "Would you hand me that sqwats wrench, Yellow Rose?"

Yellow Rose - "Why would you need a sqwats wrench, Gary? A sqwats wrench is way too big to fit into that small space you're working in, and it's only used for removing tricanstipated electronated toilets!"

Gary - "I know that, Yellow Rose. I just need something long enough to scratch my back."

Yellow Rose - "I'll scratch your back for you, because you need to keep focused on this job! If we don't get this fixed we will never be able to complete another mission, save millions of innocent alien creatures, and emulsificate giant, ugly, stinking, evil space creatures, which is loads of fun! Right, Gary?

Gary - "Ooou...ooou! A little to the left, Y.R.!"

Yellow Rose - "Okay, enough back scratching for you! Did you hear anything I said?"

Gary - "Yes, I realize that fixing this is probably the most important thing I'll ever do aboard this ship, but  how can I concentrate when you're scratching my back so exquisitely?"

Yellow Rose - "Oh, brother! Let me give it a try!" 

In about 22 sparsex of tom, Yellow Rose had everything back together, pushed the button, and nothing happened!

Gary - "Aha, smarty pants! You couldn't get it to work either!"

All of a sudden, Gary is startled by the sound of the device working like a charm!

Gary - "Yellow Rose! How did you do that? It's a miracle!"

Yellow Rose - "Not exactly Gary. I just noticed it wasn't plugged in, and had not been plugged in from the time you started tearing it apart!"

Gary - "Hee, hee, hee. That's funny, right? My bad! 

Well, at least we can go on our missions again, now that the COFFEE MAKER is fixed!