OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY

The vast expanse of the universe,

Is hard to comprehend,

It makes you want to swear and curse,

Like it's never gonna end!

You find yourself a "worm hole,"

To go a whole lot faster,

But it leads to distant parts unknown,

An outer space disaster!

Gary is a Glirkazoid,

And so is Yellow Rose,

Gary gets them lost oft times,

That's just the way it goes.

Rosie is the wise one,

Who gets them back on track,

She's cool and sweet and fun,

But she don't take any flack! 

For just about 10 billion years,

They've saved a lot of creatures,

With blood and sweat and tears,

Our two heroic teachers! 

They have a love for everyone,

Just like Jesus Christ,

Although some call them "space bums,"

They're really very nice! 

BURMA SHAVE

Where Would We Be Without Them?

Our country would have not existed,

If the patriots had not resisted,

Unjust laws and tyranny,

We would not today be free! 

America shines like a diamond,

A lovely prize "they'd" love to win,

Our mighty warriors guard our shores,

Where would we be without them?

Would we be hearing other tongues,

Forced upon on children,

Bowing to an Emperor,

Be slaves to wicked men?

On this day for Veterans,

We thank them once again,

For saving sweet America,

Where would we be without them? 

Danny Maness 

Speaking In Tongues Has Ceased

I like things simple, because I'm simple minded. 

When I was at the food pantry yesterday, I met a woman who was a Pentecostal, and she believed folks who have faith in Jesus, have served the Lord their whole lives with joy, raised Christian children, and even gave her the FREE FOOD she was eagerly accepting, would not go to heaven, because they didn't "speak in tongues!"

Does that make sense to you? I didn't think so.

I've studied the bible for many years and know a lot of scriptures I could cite, but most of the time folks don't take the time to look them up, and I can talk about this in an easy to understand way without having you do a lot of work.

God gave the early Christians the ability to speak in other languages to share the good news with foreigners.

It was not babbling weird words that no one could understand. 

For instance, if you only knew the Hebrew language, God's spirit taught you the language of someone from another land, instantly! So you could spread the word about Christ.

In addition, the Bible says that speaking in the language of other countries, miraculously, would cease, after "what is perfect" would come.

After the entire Bible was completed in the first century, and now, with God's word translated in every language for anyone...anywhere to read, his "perfect" inspired words are everything we need for edification.

So I asked the Pentecostal women if the Christian folks sitting there in that church would be "saved" if they didn't "speak in tongues." She would not answer.

I asked, what about the sweet, caring people in all churches around the world, their children, their granddchildren who have a real faith in God, but do NOT do healings, prophesying, or "speaking in tongues? Would they go to heaven? Still, no answer.

I guess, according to her, there will be very few folks in heaven. Like Jehovah's Witnesses! Ha! I know, because I was a J.W.

At the end of our conversation, I told her I loved her, and would never judge her opportunity to join the Lord. 

I love all of you who read my blog and who don't, and hope to be with you for eternity in Christ's love!

This blog was not funny!

I know, but something moved my heart to write this today.

OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY

It had been over 750 years since our super heroes, Gary and Yellow Rose, had traveled to Krapton, in their Silver Sausage Spazeship! (Glirkazoids have long life spans)

Hey, this isn't the Silver Sausage!

Here she is! Yaaaaay!

Yellow Rose - "Gary...I'm thinkin' about trimming my antenna."

Gary - (Playing a video game) "Uh, wha?" (Involved with shooting virtual creatures in the game)

Y.R. - "I SAID, I'm thinkin' about trimming my antenna!" 

Gary - (Still not paying attention) "Uh, huh. That's nice."

Y.R. - "Nevermind."

Their mission on Krapton would be to stop the Kraptonites from traveling to other planets, universes, and dimensions to "probe" unsuspecting victims, that causes a lot of pain, embarrassment and uncomfortableness! 

Y. R. and Gary decided that the best way to stop them from these dastardly deeds would be to give them a diversion...something else to occupy their tom, and keep them out of trouble.

But, what? Probing innocent, clueless victims was so much fun for the Kraptonites! What could possibly replace that?

Y.R. - "I've got it, Gary!" Who is the greatest, legendary, phenominal, singer/songwriter/comedian/videographer person that Glirkazoids love the most?!"

Gary - "Barry Manilow?" 

Y.R. - "NO, you little moron! Danny Maness!"

Gary - " I never liked Danny Manesses music."

Y.R. - (In Gary's face, now) "That's because you are tone deaf, and most of all, JEALOUS, because he's more popular than you on our home planet of Glirka!"

Gary - "He's not THAT popular."

Y.R. - "Are you kidding me? Every single pod (home) on Glirka has the entire collection of his music videos, C.D's, movie themes, and books, and his music is played 24/7 on the Glradio!"

Gary - "Okay, okay! Sheesh! What do you want to do?" 

Y.R. - "I brought everything that Danny Maness has done, and we will hack into the biggest Kradio station on Krapton where his "magic" will spread unto the minds and hearts of the Kraptonites, and they will be too occupied with Danny's wonderful music and stuff, to go our probing unsuspecting "bums!"

TWO WEEKS LATER

Gary - (Calling out to Yellow Rose, who is in her spaceship "cabin") "Well, your idea worked, Y.R.! There has not been one incident of probing by the Kraptonites since they've started listening to the crappy music of Danny Maness."

Y.R. - (Yellow Rose walks out of her cabin) "That's nice, Gary." (Her antenna have been significantly TRIMMED!)

Gary - " YELLOW ROSE!! WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOURSELF?!! WHY?!! NOOOOO!!!!

Y.R. - " Gary! I TOLD you I was thinking about trimming my antenna, and you never objected!"

Gary - " You never told me you were thinking about trimming your beautiful antenna! I would have told you no!"

Y.R. - "I DID tell you, Gary. You were so preoccupied with your video game you didn't hear me."

Gary - (Crying) "Waaaaaaa, waaaaaaa!"

Y.R. - "Don't worry, my friend. They will grow back." 

Example of the inimitable music of Danny Maness

HOPPY TALK 

KEEP TALKIN' HOPPY TALK

It's important you watch this video before reading my blog!

Did you watch it?

Really?

Now, don't say you did if you didn't, okay?

You REALLY did, hmmm?

Good! 

Wasn't it cute? 

However, the cuteness is not nearly as important as the message in the song!

To put it simply, be positive! 

Talk about happy things, whatever is good and upbuilding! The bible says something about that...uh...let me see...

Phillipians 4:8...Finally, brethren, whatever is 

true, 

whatever is 

honorable, 

whatever is right,

 whatever 

is 

pure,

 whatever is lovely, 

whatever is of good repute, 

if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of 

praise, dwell on these things.

That is so true! Nobody likes a negative Nancy, or Nick!

I sure don't! Even when it's me!

We have to be taught to be negative, bigoted, narrow minded, hateful, and fearful of those who are "different" than us, according to Rodgers and Hammerstein...And those dudes were smart!

Please watch this video 2! Thanks!

In conclusion...

Short Blog Post Today

I saw a post on Facebook from a liberal that said we should not set the country back 50 years by voting conservative. 

I agree. I wish we would set the country back 238 years to the time of the Declaration Of Independence! 

Happiness is an awesome concept!

I started out this blog in black and white to show you how little things, like simple colors, can make us happier.

A couple of color changes and we start feeling a bit better! 

We also like cute cartoons with funny captions in a blog post, to cheer us up!

Also, folks like sharing their opinions on things, and it makes them happy to do so. So that's why I'll ask mind probing questions from tom to tom. (By the way, plays on words, like using tom instead of time, is very funny to brilliant minded people!)

For instance...

Who is your favorite cartoon character?

What foods do you refuse to eat, under ANY circumstances? 

Does Santa Clause exist only in your heart, or is he REALLY REAL?

I would estimate that about 89% of everybody loves cute photos of animals, and become quite happy when I include them in my blog...the other 11% have something seriously wrong with them, for sure!

And I truly believe that my wonderful friends and family find happiness in knowing I write this stuff for them, to cheer them up a bit, and let them know I'm always thinking about them, and would visit them if I had the gas money!

Love you guys...and gals...to borrow a phrase from Ted Drewes, the ice cream guy...I mean frozen custard!

Yet, another happiness inducer!!

CLICK ON MY BLOG by Danny Maness

Click on my blog, It will not harm you,

It may dismay, it might alarm you,

Or cause some mild insanity,

Don't be afraid, it's only me.

Sometimes my thoughts are esoterical,

But there's no need to be hysterical,

Just realize it's all in fun,

Happiness is NOT a gun! 

Not guns or wars with people fighting,

Just happy things is what I'm writing...about,

and silly stories from my brain,

Bout crazy, wacky, wild insane...folks.

Click on my blog, it ain't that rough,

I write about a lot of stuff,

I write so much you're bound to love,

At least one thing that makes you...uh...laugh.

I was born to entertain,

In the sunshine and the rain,

All you guys in diverse weather,

Because we need to love each other,

In wind and rain and stormy night,

Who just said, "go fly a kite?"

I'll fly a kite, I'll dance and sing,

I will do most anything,

To make you laugh and bring you joy,

Even more if  you're in Illinois.

BURMA SHAVE

We Illinois residents need a bit of cheering up, 

don't we!

Did You Ever Feel Like Me?

I Doubt It?

Me, with radio legend, Greg Batton!
I'm the short dude!

I have a few quirks that are completely normal to me, but may sound extremely abnormal to you.

I cannot hold anything in my mouth, besides food, without gagging!

You know, how someone will put an object they are holding in their mouth to free both hands to do something. Like a pen.

I can have the pen (or any other object) in my mouth for about 3 seconds before the gagging reflex begins, which turns into dry heaves after two more seconds, and lets not talk about what happens next! 

I cannot bite into a popsicle stick without getting creepy cold chills up and down my spine, and I get that same spine chilling feeling from just touching one of those rough cardboard drink carriers they give us at Micky-Dee's! In fact, I'm getting cold chills just writing about it...for real!

I can't go to bed without making sure there is not ONE crumb on the sheet! I'll take my hand and brush any seen or imaginary crumbs off, before I climb in.

When I do dishes, I have to wash everything twice, and rinse everything twice, just to make sure I did not miss any stuck food on the dishes or utensils, because finding food residue on my plate or utensil drives me MAD! Mad I tell you! Stark raving MAD! 

Well, maybe not that bad, but it DOES freak me out!

I will not drink anything all the way to the bottom of a bottle. This behavior is based on reality, for a change. 

One of my sisters (I can't remember which one...I had so many) was drinking a bottle of some soft drink when we were kids, and when she reached the end, there was something that looked like a slimy worm lurking at the bottom! Oh, gag!

So, for about 60 years now, I've been watching for that creature at the bottom of my bottles! Including Tequila bottles! 

I do not like my legs stretched out when I drive. I feel more safe and comfortable with my legs kind of bent and crumpled up, for some masochistic reason. 

I would rather eat a piece of cheese rolled up in a slice of lunch meat, than have a sandwich. I think the bread takes away the flavor of anything on it. 

I do my very best not step on any kind of insect...ant, cricket, pill bug, or even spider! It's not a religious thing...I just think they have as much a right to live as me! 

I love the idea of going out in sub-zero temperatures, and dressing so warm that I can't even feel the cold! It's kind of a cozy feeling for me.

I think the taste of Bayer aspirin is GREAT! Even as a child, I loved the taste of aspirin, and not just the sweet baby aspirin, the REAL, UNCUT STUFF! (However, I never abused, or over used the stuff)

This is kind of worrisome! When I started writing this I didn't realize how many quirks I had, and I haven't even scratched the surface yet, brothers and sisters! 

At least, I'll have something to write about again on another morn'!

Jack Nicholson portraying Melvin Udall, another O.C.D. dude