OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY

The stores of Glirka were really, really crowded with the ancient holiday of Glirkmas approaching swiftly, without any hesitation, like a reckless, abandon spazeship, bolting at a billion times light speed to a destination called nowhere!!!

Gary and Rosie had yet to buy gifts for each other, and it was always a competition between them as to who would buy whom the wackiest gift.

The stores of Glirka have a vast variety of Glirkmas gifts from all over the entire universe, that are so bizarre, fascinating, and weird that they are almost indescribable...so I won't try...but they look something like the objects below. 

Gary - ( Gary talks to himself as he meanders through the stores) "What, pray tell, shall I get for my fabulous friend, Rosie!

"She has everything under the suns (Glirka has two suns), and I need something SUPER RIDICULOUS to really impress and amaze her!"

Rosie - (Talking to herself as she wanders aimlessly through stores) "What can I get my best buddy, Gary, that will totally freak him out, and make ME the winner of our weirdest gift competition!

In the meantime, a gigantic force of wicked, grotesque aliens are planning to attack the beauteous planet of Glirka during the festive Glirkmas season when the Glirkazoids are preoccupied with singing, shopping, and getting high on candy canes! (Glirkazoids get super high from licking candy canes, for some inexplicable reason.) 

These horrible aliens are known by the name of Ice-Us, because they have a special weapon that covers their enemies in ice, totally immobilizing them, and leaving them to die in a frigid, frozen tomb!!

Back to our shoppers...

Gary - (Speaking to a sales assistant) "What in the universe is this thing?" (As he picks up some weird contraption)

Sales Assistant - "No touching, sir! That happens to be the hottest Glirkmas item on the planet! You must live under a rock to not know that!"

Gary - (Thinking to himself) "Why, you snobby bee itch! I'm out saving the universe, which includes your sorry arse, and don't have time to watch commercials on Glirkavision, and you're giving me this holier than thou routine, you poor excuse for a Qwertanian mud monster!!"

Gary actually says...    "Yes, I DO live under a rock, it's a bit uncomfortable, but it protects me from RUDE life forms, like you!"

Sales Assistant - "Well, I never!!"

Gary - "Maybe if you DID you wouldn't be so mean and nasty!"

I think Gary may have a difficult time getting the perfect gift for Rosie!

I wonder how Rosie is doing? 

Join us next week for OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY, and more Glirkmas joy!!!

OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY

The storied history of the Glirkazoids is full of...uh...STORIES!

One of the greatest, and most important, is when a brave, and incompetent crew of Glirkanauts crash landed  their spazeship on Earth, at the same exact tom that Jesus was born! 

Although they missed witnessing the shepherds, wise men, and baby Jesus, their spazeship may have been the "star" that led the wise men to see Jesus! (Totally by accident!)

Maybe you are wondering if the legendary, Rosie and Gary were aboard.

Of course they were! This wouldn't be much of a story without our intrepid heroes, would it? 

Anywho, our little Glirkazoid friends did not meet Jesus until he was about 1o years old, and they soon found out how cool and SMART he was! 

At the young age of 10 he had more wisdom than all of the Supreme Glirkheads put together, but they didn't realize he was God (at the time, Glirkazoids didn't believe in God) until he was older and performed a few miracles. (Glirkazoids can be so shallow.)

I hope you are keeping up. Anyway, for mucho millions of millennia, the Glirkazoid creatures have celebrated a yearly festival of feasting and fun, that they call Glirkmas. 
The festival includes Glirkmas Trees. 

All the lovely trees of Glirka, look like Christmas trees.
They grow that way.
Even the bubble lights grow naturally, like vines, and climb up, up, ‘round and ‘round to the top of the trees for sparkling illumination!( How cool is that!!!)

They sing Glirkmas songs, cover their abodes with colored lights, and even have a cute little old elf-like dude who travels around in a flying contraption to give gifts to the Glirkazoid kiddies. 

So, the Glirkazoid crew decided to introduce the ancient customs and traditions of the Glirkazoid race to celebrate the birth of this cool guy, Jesus.

Now you know the REAL genesis of all the Christmas traditions! 

Aren't you happy? 

Well, sure you are, pilgrim! 

Pilgrim? The Pilgrims? That's a whole nuther story, that ALSO includes input from the Glirkazoids.

In fact, ALL of the history of our miserable planet, since the time of Christ, has been positively influenced by our Glirkazoid buddies! 

I need to stop now, before I reveal too many earth shattering secrets, that could bring swift annihilation to the whole, entire population of this little blue marble we like to call earth!! 

Have a nice day! 

OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY

As you may, or may not remember, Gary was just about ready to emulsificate the stretchy necked alien creature, who was flirting with his faithful Glirkazoid shipmate, Rosie.

Not that Gary was jealous, or anything...he simply felt it was not proper behavior toward an officer of the Glirkazoidian Spaze Force! (Yeah, right!)

Emulsificator

Gary - "Fill your hands you son-of-a..."

Rosie - "Put down that emulsificator, knucklehead...or do you want me to shove that thing where the sun never shines!!" (A recurring theme of this blog)

Gary - "Let me just wing him a bit...a little flesh wound, okay?"

Rosie - "You're just jealous, Gary! Calm down, before I emulsificate your butt!"

Gary - "Ha ha ha ha! Jealous? Me? Does it look like I'm jealous?"

Rosie - "Yes! That stupid little smile on your face, and those over bulged eyes, PROVE you're jealous!!

"Now, why don't we just mosey on over to the alien creature, and introduce ourselves."

As Rosie and Gary are moseying over to the Chrisicus Martinicus alien monster from Earth, Gary trips over a "ricktraloid" (a rock), and his emulsificator fires and blows the dude away!!

Gary - "Did I do that?!"

Rosie - "YES! You blew away that cute creature that was saying all of those beautiful words to me, and..."

Gary - "Looky here, Rosie! (Gary picks up a bunch of stuff on the ground)"He" was nothing but a bunch of wires, cogs, nuts and bolts! 

"Just a stupid robot!"

Rosie - (Picks up a card from the ground.) "Look at this greeting card that must have been taped to the back of it!

Dear Rosie,

We know how much you love Chris Martin, so here is a robot representation of him, to reward you for saving the earth so many times!

With sincere appreciation,

People Of The Earth.

Gary - "Sorry, Rosie! That's a real bummer! I accidentally emulsificated a special gift for you that came all the way from Earth. You're not mad at me, are ya?"

Rosie - "Mad? Why no, Gary! Why don't you come over here so I can give you a BIG HUG!"

Gary - "Why is your little green face turning red, Rosie? Are you SURE you're not angry with me?"

Rosie - (Gritting her teeth) "Why would I be angry that you blew away an EXACT representation of Chris Martin (except for the long neck), who would have sang me lovely songs, waited on me hand and foot, and kissed me on the mouth WHENEVER I WANTED IT!!"

Gary begins to run away from Rosie as she reaches for her lasso, then ropes and hogties him, and begins the most horrible torture for a Glirkazoid to endure...TICKLING!! 

Well, well, well...what a dumb ending to a stupid story! 

Hey...what did you expect...Shakespeare?!

Make plans to join us next week for another exhilarating episode of OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY, if you got da guts!!

OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY

When we last visited our intrepid heroes, Rosie was chasing Gary, intent on sticking hard, curved metal objects up his little green keister, for reasons I've forgotten by now. 

Heck, it's been a whole week!

However, I do recall that they observed something very startling that caused them to "stop in their tracks!" 

Let's resume the fascinating story where we left off, shall we?

Gary - "What the heck is that, Rosie?!"

Rosie - "You tell me and we'll BOTH know!"

Here is what they saw...

Gary - "That is one butt ugly creature, Rosie! I wonder where it comes from?"

Rosie - "I'll check it out on my AARDVARK."(Stands for accurate alien recognition device, verifying aliens of rare kinds)

"And I think the creature is kind of cute!"

Gary - "Cute?! With that pale skin, bush-like hair, beady eyes, giraffe neck, and dorky outfit?!"

Rosie - "Look who's talkin'! You have no hair, green skin, no neck, no clothes, and elongated eyes!"

Gary - "Yeah...I'm pretty awesome,ain't I!"

Rosie - "Oh, brother!"

"Look at my AARDVARK message, Gary! 

"This creature is from planet Earth! A human being...specifically, a Chrisicus Martinicus!"

Gary - "I wonder if it can talk. (Gary calls out to the creature) Hey, man, can you talk?!"

Chrisicus - "Look at the stars

Look how they shine for you

And everything you do

Yeah they were all yellow.

Gary - "Tell me something I don't know, giraffe boy! Of course the stars are yellow, but some are red, and others are kinda white lookin'and..."

Rosie - "I think he's speaking in some kind of code, Gary. Do you want to tell me something, Chrisicus?"

Chrisicus - "Your skin

Oh yeah your skin and bones

Turn into something beautiful

You know you know I love you so

You know I love you so!"

Gary - "WHAT?!! Hey! Who do you think you are, DUDE! You can't just land on our planet and start flirting with my girlfr...I mean, my fellow officer! That may be cool on your miserable little planet, but not here, buddy!"

Rosie - "I think it's cool."

Gary - "Rosie! What are you saying? You're not gonna let that long-necked freak talk to you like that, are ya?!"

Rosie - "I don't mind it so much. Go ahead and say something else, Chrisicus."

Chrisicus - "'Cause you're a sky, 

cause you're 

a sky full of stars

I'm gonna give you 

my heart

'Cause you're a sky, cause you're 

a sky full of stars

'Cause you light up the path."

Gary - "OKAY! That does it! I'm 

blowin' you away, sucka!! Where's 

my emulsificator?!!"

My, my!

Gary is REALLY ticked off!

That's the end of this episode, because we need to get ready for Thanksgiving tomorrow, and ain't got much tom!

Have a happy Thanksgiving, except for all of you pagans who don't live in the U.S. and don't like gluttonous behavior anyway!

Out Of This World Wednesday

Rain is a frquent visitor to the planet of Glirka, in the northern regions, across the fertile valleys, in the fall, between 6:00 A.M. and 9:00 P.M., on Tuesdays, if it's not snowing.

Gary despised the rain, because he didn't like getting wet, it made his antenna droop, and it would cause the Silver Sausage to stall out.

Rosie - ♪♪"Whatcha doin', Gary?♫

Gary - "What does it look like I'm doing? I'm trying to start our cockadoodie spazeship that has stalled out in the dagblasted rain!!"

Rosie - "Oh, don't be such a rainbasher, Gary! I totally, and absolutely LOVE the rain as it gently flows down from heaven to refresh our planet, water the flora and fauna, fill our lovely lakes, ponds..."

Gary - "You're all wet, Rosie!"

Rosie - "How dare you insult my opinion like that, you dirty..."

Gary - "No...I mean you're GETTING all wet standing out in the rain! Come here under the cull shield where it's dry!" 

Rosie - "This is kind of romantic, listening to the raindrops on the cull shield, just you and me..."

Gary - "Hand me that snerklewrench, Rosie."

Rosie - "Uh, what?"

Gary - "The SNERKLEWRENCH...we gotta get this bucket a bolts started to go on our next mission!"

Rosie - (Indignant) "Sometimes I think there are more important things than our stupid missions...here's your dumb farklewrench!!"

Gary - "Farklewrench? How can I loosen the bicklebolts with a farklewrench? I need a snerklewrench..."

Rosie - "Here's your @#%&* snerklewrench, and you know where you can stick it!!"

Gary - "You seem a bit tense. Rosie. Is this one of your female times of the month?"

Rosie - "THAT DOES IT!!! I'm taking this snerklewrench AND the farklewrench and sticking them where the sun don't shine!!! BEND OVER, SUCKER!!!!"

Gary begins to run away from Rosie, as if his life depends on it (and it does), and as they are running, they see something that instantly stops them in their tracks!!

What do they see?

Is it a vicious spaze monster?

An invasion of evil creatures from a nearby planet?

A gigantic sock puppet that resembles Big Gaz?

Join us next Wednesday for answers... in OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY!!!

Veteran's Day Blog 2015