OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY

EPISODE ONE

We cannot even remotely dream of the ways our super legendary, um, legends, Rosie and Gary, tool around their universe, and all the OTHER universes that float aimlessly in the middle of the "grand universe," that is nicknamed, Wilbur! 

Wilbur

Our beloved spazetronauts will go to the distant reaches of Wilbur, using a sophisticated warp drive system that propels the Silver Sausage at mega-light speeds...which is faster than a fat man going to Golden Corral Buffet!!

In addition, they utilize time travel, which Rosie calls tom travel, due to her cute accent... inter-dimensional travel, which means traveling to different, diverse, disorganized dimensions...solar sailing, with golden wings, powered by the sun, kind of like Daedalus and Icarus, with better results! (You remember what happened to Icarus, don't you?) 

They can also travel by mind bicycle, which uses the power of the mind to create an energy packed, virtual spaze  bicycle, that can be utilized in the case of extreme emergency, where freakin' fear provides the stimulus to make it actually work!

What's the point of all this, you axe so National Enquirerly?

The point is that anytime you see what you perceive to be a mistake about dates, ages, epochs, millenniums...you know... like when I say something was a billion years ago, but in the next episode it was a TRILLION years ago...it's just the fact that Gary and Rosie are always changing from one time to another, or one dimension to another, and everything is in constant flux!

It is NOT that the writer of this blog is so old and forgetful, he can't remember what he wrote last week, let alone a year or more ago!!

Now, where was I?

Don't tell me, it was only 30 seconds ago!! 

Oh, well. How have you been doing? 

Hey, Big Gaz! I absolutely loved your last Bogan News! The chickens and cows blowing up are AWESOME!! 

Rhymesauce, hows about this for the subject matter of a rhyme...Toilets, commodes, eternally slandered, Eljer, Kohler, and American Standard!!

Dear Mim, did you get your new computer yet? I hope so! Of course, how can you answer me if...

Wait a minute, I REMEMBER WHERE I WAS AT NOW!!!

Cool! I was just about to begin Episode One in the latest OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY series!!

My reality fades in and out, like the sound of an A.M. radio, in a car, whilst driving up and down the Ozark mountains! 

The Silver Sausage spazeship was in perfect condition! 

All of the newest, state-of-the-art, shiny gadgets, and Glirkazoidian whatchamacallits of high tech scientifical advancements was incorporated into the ship's infrastructure. 

Gary - "Gee willikers, Rosie! The Silver Sausage has the WORKS!"

Rosie - "Indeed it do, Gary!
"New, sophisticated weapons systems...communication devices that wll allow us to talk with ANY life form...a billion toms faster warp speed...easier tom travel, inter dimensional travel, solar sailing, and mind bicycling!!!"

Solar Sailor 

Gary - "What are you talking about? By the WORKS, I meant the new pin ball machine and COFFEE MACHINE in one! Oh, baby, that's what I'm talkin' about!!!"

Rosie - "I should have known, "skeezix!"

Gary - "Rosie, I'm getting a text message on my flip phone, from the ancient, High Glirkheads!" (He is so excited he stumbles across the whole deck, running for his seldom used flip phone!)

Rosie - " The High Glirkheads may be the wisest, all knowingest, prophet-like dudes on our planet, but high tech, they are NOT! 


Gary - (On the phone) "Uh-huh. You don't say! You don't say!! Yeah. You DON'T SAY!!!" (He flips the flip phone closed)

Rosie - "What is our new mission, bojangles?" (The Bojangles was in reference to his little "dance" he did across the deck)

Gary - "They didn't say! Haha! Just funnin' wit ya, Rosie!! 
"Our mission, if we decide to accept it, is to travel to the farthest reaches of Wilbur, and bring back the Golden Chicken of Kluck, which the Sophomorusians swiped from the Glirkazoid Museum Of Chicken Shaped Artifacts, 222,000 spazeyears ago!"

Rosie - "What do you mean, "if we decide to accept it." We have no choice! It's do it, or get totally emulsificated by the Supreme High Glirkheads!" 

Wowie zowie!! What an amazingly cool and bizarre beginning, to what will prove to be one of the GREATEST adventures of all adventures, of ANY adventurers, super heroes, or even SUPERMAN kind of characters of all tom!!!!

Join us next week for Episode Two of OUT OF THIS WORLD 
WEDNESDAY...if ya got the guts!!!

OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY

EPISODE FIVE

Poor, dear, sweet Rosie has been ambushed by one of the fiercest, nastiest, ugliest creatures in the whole dang universe!! 

A QWERTYASTROPOTOMUS!!!!

Quertyastropotomus

Ain't he just Walmart butt ugly?!!

Besides being 657 feet tall, with teeth as big as a Mcdonald's highway restaurant sign...he is highly intelligent, with lasers in his eyes, and skin that is tougher than 100 layers of Kevlar!!!

Rosie - "Oh, shazam! Here I am, out here alone, fixing the cull shield on the Silver Sausage Spazeship, and a vicious quertyastropotomus is about to devour my little self!!"

At that instant, our brave Gary leaps out of the Silver Sausage, prepared for battle!!!

Gary- "Have no fear, my dear, I am here, to slay the qwertyastropotomus, from top to bottomus!!"

Gary taunts the abominable beast, to draw his  attention away from his beloved Rosie!!

Gary - "Hey, big, dumb and ugly! Why not pick on somebody more your size, you poor excuse for a lower life form!!

Actually, Gary is only half an inch taller than Rosie, but when you're talking to a 657 foot tall monster you need every psychological advantage you can get. 

The taunting works, and the gigantic monstrosity fires two powerful laser beams from his horrible green eyes, at our heroic Gary! 

Gary is not even fazed by the direct hit, because he is wearing his stylish laser proof spaze suit!! 

Gary - "Is zat all ya got, lizard lips?!! Hows about a blast from my super sized emulsificator weapon?!!"

Gary fires the weapon with a blast that could knock down the Giant Fortress Of  Amalakek...but it only causes the qwertyastropotomus to stumble back two baby steps!!

Giant fortress of Amalakek

Rosie - "That is one tough cookie, Gary! I'm running over to help you!"

Gary - "Don't be a fool, Rosie! Stay behind that rock, until it's all over!"

Rosie - "No way, ho-zay!!!"

As Rosie is running, like Rudy The Rabbit, over to Gary, they hear a tremendously loud FART sound coming from the qwertastropotomuses bum!

Oh, if only it was JUST flatulence! No, no! Instead, about a thousand "death dealing devil drones" have swarmed from the monsters arse, to sting Rosie in places she ain't never been stung before!!!

Quick as a beautiful white stallion, Gary pulls out his Lone Ranger lunch box!

Rosie - "This is no time for lunch, you knucklehead! Save me from all these devil drones!!"

Gary - "No worries, my beateous flower...my Lone Ranger lunch box just happens to contain my super powerful creature repellent! One little squirt, and the devil drones are history!!"

Gary squirts one little squirt, and the devil drones drop like...uh...let's see...flies!! That's it! They drop like cartoon flies in a Raid commercial!!

Now Gary begins to apply Chapstick to his own bodacious lips. 

Lips?

Rosie - "Is that Chapstick another form of monster repellent, Gary?"

Gary - "No. My lips are just dry."

Rosie - "Oh. So what are ya doin' with the tweezers, Mars Bar, and grabbit's foot?"

Gary - "Aha! Now that's all part of my plan, my dear Rosie!!

"Qwertyastropotomuses LOVE Mars Bars, so that will draw him close. After he comes carelessly close, I'll pull one of his toe hairs with these tweezers. That causes excruciating pain to a qwertyastropotomus, and the grabbit's foot is for good luck that he doesn't stomp me in to a mushy blob!"

Rosie - "It's working, Gary! The beast is coming close to you and eating your Mars Bar, and now he's in excruciating pain, since you've plucked him, and he hasn't mushed you yet, due to the grabbit's foot!! Now whatta ya gonna do?"

Gary - "The fiesta rezis- tonce, Rosie!!"

Gary whips out his photo of Steve Urkel, and holds it in front of the qwertyastropotomus! The gigantic beast begins to laugh and then crack, and starts falling to pieces in big chunks! 

Rosie - "Gary! My hero! How did you know that photo of Steve Urkel would destroy the horrible qwertyastropotomus?"

Gary - " You know how Steve Urkel cracks us up, right."

Rosie - "He does, but not like that!!"

Gary - "Well, I knew this qwertyastropotomus was trillions of years old, by counting the rings around his ankles, and most likely had not laughed for billions of years! This made him very dry and brittle on the inside, so when he cracked up, he LITERALLY cracked up!!"

Rosie - "You actually put a thermal nucleated bomb in the Mars Bar, didn't ya?"

Gary - "Yeah, but the Urkel story was much better."

Rosie - "Shut up, and hand me that pheckle wrench, you weirdo. We need to fix the Silver Sausage for our next adventure of OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY!!!!

I Can't Get In To Pre-Season Games

I LOVE watching the St. Louis Cardinals baseball team, but not the pre-season games.

Not just because they don't count, but because they are trying new guys out, and experimenting with new things, and it's not perfect. 

Not that the regular season team is perfect, but they are usually about as perfect as a team can be!

I don't like exibition games of any kind, either! What's the point?

The End!!

I WONDER ABOUT SILLY THINGS

Has anyone ever noticed that after Ted Cruz makes a good point, and the audience applauds, he gets this silly smile on his face?

Even if  it's a serious point!

Like a little kid who delivers a line in the church pageant, and then smiles, because he so proud of himself.

Maybe I'm the only person who ever noticed that, but I wonder about silly things.

OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY

EPISODE FOUR

When we last visited Rosie and Gary, they had crash landed on the murderous, odorous planet of Pluberus, and Rosie had slipped outside of the Silver Sausage spazeship to do repairs. 

Gary - (Looking out of the porthole) "Rosie!!! What are you doing out there! Pluberus is one of the most dangerous planets in the universe, except for Aureolus, where the Amazing Amazonian Aardvarks suck the meat from your body!"

Of course, Rosie could not hear him, because in outer space, NO ONE CAN HEAR A WARNING!!

-

While Gary begins to gather up all the gear he will need to go out and protect his faithful companion, Rosie feels a disturbance in the phorz! (Incidentally...the phorz is a weird feeling Glirkazoids get when they are in danger)

Gary  - "Let's see, I'll need my laser proof  spaze suit, my super sized emulsificator weapon, my lunch box, a pair of tweezers..."

Rosie - (Still outside of the ship, talking to herself) 

"I sense danger, but I can't contact Gary because I forgot my communicator! I'm sure he'll come out here soon! "

Gary - "I can't forget my chapstick, creature repellant, my lucky grabbit foot (It wasn't so 

lucky for the grabbit, was it), a Mars bar, my 

photo of Steve Urkel ..."

The planet of Pluberous is so foreboding, as if all of the evil darkness, forgotten junk yards, horrible, frightening creatures, and all the yucky mucous, from all over the universe, has converged on this one, God forsaken sphere! 

As we focus back in on our dear, sweet Rosie, who is dilligently screwing the cull shield back on the Silver Sausage spazeship, the background music begins to play very quietly, and then increases to a louder crescendo...like this music below...

Behind Rosie, we begin to see the form of a gigantic, terrifying lifeform, and we can hear it snarling at our adorable Rosie...

Gary - " I also need to take my handy dandy flashlight, 

my ancient Samurai sword, my latest copy of  Universal Inquirer..."

Rosie spins around with a super quick, kick-yo-bot move, and faces the enormous alien beast confronting her in the pitch blackness of the Pluberus landscape! 

The beast is so ugly and humongous, (about 200 meters tall) mere words cannot describe it, so here is a picture worth a thousand worms...

Oh my!

I hope Gary gets his gear ready!

That's a fierce lookin' beast!

How tall is 2oo meters, you ask? 

656.168 feet!! 

That's taller than the St. Louis Arch!

NEXT WEEK THE MIGHTY BATTLE ENSUES!!!

Don't miss EPISODE FIVE of OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY!!!!