QUESTIONS FROM MY BLOG READERS ALL OVER THE WORLD 

Recently I invited my faithful readers to send in questions about me and also non-important issues. 

Here are just a few questions, out of the thousands we received.

Jimmy, from Chicago, Il. - "Hey, Danny. What makes you so funny?"

Me - Thanks for joining our question and answer session, Jimmy! I guess I was just born funny. As far back as I can remember, people laughed at me for no apparent reason. At first, it made me a little self conscious, thinking I was funny LOOKING or something, but then I stopped worrying about it and followed the example of my hero, pictured below.

Alfred E. Neuman

Eloise, from San Jose, Ca. - "Hi, Danny! I've been reading your blog for a long, long time and STILL don't understand what you're talking about. Is it me or you that's confused?"

Me - It' s definitely me, Eloise! I really wasn't sure until 87% of the questions submitted were, pretty much, exactly like yours. Some say I'm a complicated soul, others believe me to be eccentric, but my dad always said I was in between dumb and dumber. 

Baroo, from Wewak, Papua New Guinea - "Mister Maness, My name is Baroo. I would LOVE to come to the U.S. of A. some day and live with you for a while. It is beauteous in Wewak, but not much to do. America is so exciting and fun! Would you please welcome me?" 

Me - How are you, Baroo? You are more than welcome to come and live here with me and my family! The more the merrier, I always say! I will give you directions to Peoria, Il., brother. 

Baroo - "Peoria, Il.? I am thinking Baroo will stay in Wewak, no offense, but c'mon man, I want to step UP!"

Recent photo of Peoria, Il. establishment. Circa 10/26/2018

Pecos Pete, from Rattlesnake, Texas - "Howdy Dan'l! What is the circumference of Jupiter?"

Me - 272,946 miles. Ha ha! That happens to be the SECOND most asked question! You Bloggadocious 222 fans know my expertise, don't ya? 

That's where my ceiling fan ran off to! 

Delmita, from Iceball, Alaska - "I listen to the music videos you share with us on your blog. Have you had singing lessons, Danny?"

Me - No, I have not, Delmita.

Delmita - "That's what I thought."

Let's prove Delmita's point! 

Okay! That's all the questions we can handle at this point in Tom! 

At least somebody thought it was funny! 

  Mark a box and comment below, me friends! 

I'M NOT LETTING "THEM" WIN 

I know what "THEY" are trying to do! As soon as I resurrect my uplifting, joyful blog, "THEY" try to pull me down with stories of suspicious packages being sent to unsuspecting political people!

Well, it ain't gonna work, my friends! I can be funny in the face of the fiercest forces fomenting foul feats of fantastic fireworks through Fed EX! Maybe U.P.S.? I'm not sure. The devices could have been sent through the U.S. Post Office, but that seems so 25 years ago, don't it?

So let's rejuvenate our newsweary brains with the happiest song I know...

Isn't this refreshing?

Look! Even the text color is happier! Now we need a prancing puppy, because NOTHING brightens our mood more than a prancing puppy...

Are ya feelin' any better? I know, I am...but I can't stop watching the prancing puppy now. 

You know what else makes me happy? Food! I know it doesn't make the explosive devices go away, or helps the Cental American Caravan to navigate it's way to U.S. soil, but it causes me to have some temporary, fleeting happiness, as I fall into a sleepy stupor. 

So get up off your bootay and make yourself a snack, or go get some White Castle burgers, and I guarantee your outlook will improve, in spite of this rotten, stinking day of bombings, death and destruction! 

I forgot. We don't have a White Castle around here, but Micky D's will work! 

Wait a sec! Actually there was NO death and destruction. COOL! One more thing to be happy about! 

Now, aren't you glad you visited Bloggadocious 222 today? Well, sure you are! You can thank me by making a humorous comment at the bottom. 

Just let me leave you with a little jingle I wrote for the Greg and Dan Radio Show to celebrate A.D.D. Wednesdays, which they will, MOST LIKELY, play tomorrow...or not. Is tomorrow Wednesday? I lose track so easily anymore. Oh, crap, they won't play it tomorrow, due to the seriousness of the news still reverberating in our little brains. 

No matter...I'm gonna be happy in spite of EVERYTHING...

     Go ahead and play this anyway...okay?

Don't Let This Sweet Face Fool You

        Chevy, the Chorkie dog...Chihuahua/Yorkie mix  

What a SWEET face, right?

Soft and furry, with a cute little black nose, deep, brown, soulful eyes, perky, adorable ears, and only 9 dainty little pounds on this pretty little pup.

Who would ever dream that a vicious, destructive MONSTER lies beneath all of this cuteness.

It's important to play this creepy music whilst reading this horrifying TRUE tale! 

Well, go ahead and click on the creepy music...we won't start until you do, pilgrim!! 

It all began when my lovely, sweet wife, Donna, saw his face on the enter-net...inter-knet...computer.

A face that drew her in, as a beautiful Venus Flytrap would draw an unsuspecting fly to his/her demise. 

It SEEMED so normal to go to the shelter and adopt such a precious little guy, who would bring such joy to our lives for a long, long time. 

Little did we know that we were witnessing a brief glimpse of the dark future, when he came out biting on his leash, as if to say, HE was in control!

On the surface, everything SEEMED okay, as Chevy Wevy adjusted to his new surroundings, but then it BEGAN, very slowly and deceptively.

Items started disappearing from the house. First, a tiny ball that our grandkids liked to play with. Next, socks went missing...then shoes, and even large pillows from the couch!! 

Of course, we never suspected our "fur baby" of swiping these things, we naturally thought that a inner-dimensional wormhole had formed somewhere in our home that was sucking our household goods to another world. 

We had an inkling that the wormhole idea was full of holes when things started to re-appear when we gave Chevy treats.  

We started to think that Chevy was holding our belongings hostage until we gave him treats, almost as if HE was training US to give him doggie biscuits!

Ha ha ha! We knew that a dog could not outsmart a human bean...OR COULD HE? 

We realized, after some time, that Chevy preferred doing his duty INSIDE the house, so we laid potty pads around to protect the carpet, that he would rip to shreds until we...you guessed it...gave him a treat.

Next came the werewolf-like growling, snarling, baring teeth, and biting on his mommy's pant legs...terrorizing the other dogs in the neighborhood, as long as they were safely enclosed in their yards or on a leash...and barking at dogs walking down HIS sidewalk, while he stayed secure behind locked doors. 

So, what do you think we did with this unspeakably terrifying beast from Hades? 

Right. He's still here.

We still LOVE him in spite of his idiosyncrasies.

Wouldn't you?

You can turn off the creepy music now. 

WHY DON'T THEY BAN MOTORCYCLES?

This question has bugged me since 1966, when I JOYFULLY sold my Harley Hummer motorcycle to an unsuspecting victim, and NEVER rode ANY motorcycle again, because I have no death wish!! 

                   This is exactly what it looked like...same color and everything.    

I was 15, had extra money from my summer job, and stupid, when I bought the Blue Beast. I didn't call it the Blue Beast then, but I will now, to add a bit of color to the story. 

My intense hatred for the Beast began when it stalled out, in the rain, miles from my house, while I was attempting to make it back before my dad, who made me promise I wouldn't take it off our street, came home.  (I soon found out it stalled out EVERY time it rained).

I'll not share the words my dad used in this family oriented blog, but I was kinda shocked he didn't kill me. In fact, he was surprisingly forgiving about the incident, after he calmed down...almost like he may have had a similar experience as a kid. 

I didn't question it. 

I could not afford a leather jacket or helmet or boots or ANYTHING, so when I slipped on loose gravel (el numero times) it HURT my tender body parts, however, the concussions NEVER damaged my brain.

In addition, it was cold...even when the weather was not that cold. Like at night. The movement of the motorcycle created a Nordic wind that froze my tussie off...especially with my customary, black, muscleman tee shirt on. 

Definitely not me in photo

Conversely, it was HOT, with the sun beating down on my teenage head, in the blistering heat of a St. Louis summer! 

To make it simple, here is a list of things that led me to despise motorcycles...

1. It was next to impossible to carry groceries for my mom.

2. The giant bugs smacked me in the face, teeth and forehead with the tremendous force of cannonballs.
(Small cannonballs).

3. I was really disappointed in the poor performance on ice and snow. 

4. Could not bring my friends to the Drive-In Theater with me. (It was $1.00 a car load back then, so I was missing a great deal!)

5. All the other things I already mentioned.

Okay, now...let's get to the nitty gritty...dirt band! 

The U.S. government FORCES cars to have tons of safety features, which include...safety belts, safety glass, air bags, a padded dash, 4...count them...one...two...three...four tires, and a LOT of other stuff too numerous to recount at this time.

Motorcycles, on the other hand, don't need nuttin' honey! 

How does that happen? Sometimes I wonder if the governmental authorities want to eliminate all the motorcycle people   because motorcycles are so stinking LOUD! 

Yeah!! That's another thing! Why can motorcycles be so LOUD and cars have to be quiet? Dudes will even put megaphones on their "bikes" to make them even LOUDER, and WHY do motorcycle folks keep revving up their engines for no other reason than bringing attention to themselves, and why...

I better stop ranting or I'll bust a gasket.

I hope I didn't offend any motorcycle enthusiasts. I know how sensitive you can be. 

    DRIVING IN ILLINOIS IS SPECIAL    

If the above clip looks absolutely normal to you, Illinois is your home state. Right...RIGHT?

If you are not from Illinois, and have never been to Illinois, you may think I'm exaggerating the facts in this little blog post, but just ask ANYONE who has ever driven on the "run the gauntlet" roads of Illinois and they will confirm  the words which I've written here so honestly and truly. 

To run the gauntlet is to take part in a form of corporal punishment in which the party judged guilty is forced to run between two rows of soldiers who strike out and attack them.

Take Chicago (PLEASE... take Chicago) for example. The perfect example of what I mean by "running the gauntlet" in Illinois.  Zigzagging between road construction , avoiding truckers that want to kill you, drivers, late for work, who want to run you over, detours, toll booths, roads that pop up in the hot weather, and form giant craters in the freezing cold weather...as a result, here is a little example of a typical Chicago driver going to work...

On the other hand, the roads "downstate" (that's where I live) are so bad NASA used a section of Peoria's Route 29 to film the fake moon landing in 1969 and no one knew the difference! 

If you look closely, you can see my old Mustang on the horizon.

In addition, the BORING scenery tends to put folks to sleep, so as they are dreaming about cornfields...cornfields...cornfields...their pickup hits a massive pothole and careens into a...you guessed it...CORNFIELD! 

Now, don't get me wrong. I LOVE Illinois! 

I love the kind people...

the Illinois River... 

with jumping Asian Carp... 

the history of Abe Lincoln...

most of my grandkids live here

 and I REALLY love them...

the Greg and Dan radio show is here in Illinois...

                                 my beautiful wife...                                   

however...the roads need a little attention...that's all I'm sayin'.

Have To Side With Elizabeth Warren On This

You may be shocked and surprised, surprised surprised...

that I would defend Elizabeth Warren (AKA Pocahontas) for claiming to be Cherokee.

I truly understand her circumstances, for I, yes I believed the same thing about myself, for YEARS!

As a little kid, listening to the stories of my grandpa and other older members of the family, I was fascinated by the tales of OUR Cherokee ancestors, and my great grandmother, who, they claimed, was full blooded Cherokee. 

It made all the sense in the world. She lived in the Missouri Ozarks, chewed tobacco, smoked a corn cob pipe, made poultices, and herbal medicines and stuff that really seemed to work.

I was a true believer.

Elizabeth Warren must have had a similar experience, and believed, with all of her little heart, that she had a Native American heritage, like me.

I was so disappointed when I learned that all the stories were made up. 

Great grandma was actually German, they say.

Why did they do that? 

I have trust issues, because of it, for sure!

Cowboy and Indian shows were very popular on T.V. when I was a kid, and Indians (Native American/Indigenous people), were always portrayed as very brave, great trackers, proud people...so maybe "white eyes" (that's what Indians called white folks, according to "westerns"), were Indian wanabe's in the 1950's, thus, conjuring up fake ancestry to be cooler than their neighbors.

I don't know...but for once in my life I'm on Elizabeth's side...but when she found out she was only one /one thousandth Native American, I'm positive she was as disappointed as me.