Whatever You Do, Don't Miss The Tang Commercial With This Blog!
The last thing I want to do is offend all you Space Cadets, who think the U.S. spaze program is the greatest thing since Tang and Velcro!
Do we still have a spaze program, or has NASA given it up to Elon Musk? I'm not sure, anymore.
Anyway, what a remarkable feat by Spaz X to send a rocket to nowhere, for reasons I don't really understand.
I used to complain a lot when silly space shots came out of MY taxes, but now it's SUPPOSED to be privately funded, however, who knows? The SHADOW KNOWS!
Going to the moon was cool (if they didn't fake it), but the distances involved in going other places in the universe is much, much more than prohibitive!
To get the the nearest galaxy, The Canis Major Dwarf Galaxy, it would take 25,000 years, AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT!
Andromeda is 2,538,000 light years away, and at the speed of light, at which none other than light can travel, it would take 2.54 million years to just get there.
I laugh, sarcastically, at the thought of mankind traveling to other galaxies, like the Star Trek folks.
Ain't gonna happen. Unless worm hole travel technology takes time tunnel traversing to the top traveling tier. (betcha can't say that 3 times fast)
I'm old, old fashioned, not big on technology, and I wish money would be spent on more practical things than spaze exploration that will be VERY limited, due to the afore mentioned impossible distances that makes it all seem silly. Like a microscopic amoeba swimming all the 7 seas!
Think of this, if you divided all the money that's already been spent on the spaze program in the U.S. alone, and handed it out to every single citizen in America, it would work out to be $757, 000 per person! (I just pulled that number out of the air, but it would be a lot of money)
In addition, if you took all the money from Elon Musk and gave it to me, I would NOT be blowing it on spazeships!! No way!! I'd build bicycle paths EVERYWHERE, to improve the health of folks, cut down on pollution, and keep those two wheeled obstacles away from streets where cars alone should be, buy all of the sports teams and only pay the players $30,000 a year, eliminate PAY T.V. and let advertisers take care of the cost, like it used to be (and it worked out real good), buy all the zoos and release the animals into their natural habitats that I will create if there's not enough natural habitats remaining, and I would do all kinds of nice things like that!
NOT stupid spaze stuff!
That's my uninformed opinion. If you disagree, please opine in the comments section.
Have a great, down to earth, Monday, my friends!!!
Friday, March 1, 2019
"Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be too late!"
It's Friday AFTERNOON and I haven't done my blog yet!!
Wha happen?!! Can't think about that now! I just need to get going on this so I don't miss a day! I don't do my blog on the weekends, because my old brain needs to rest for a couple of days from the frenetic pace it takes whilst thinking about the complicated, thought provoking stuff I conjure up for my blog during the week, that is so fascinating and interesting to all you folks, but I don't want to miss a weekday, for that would confuse or disappoint you dear readers who have learned to expect a laugh out loud blog post EVERY SINGLE DAY OF THE WEEK!!!
On the other hand, I don't want to slap something up real quickly, and lose the detailed quality of my often brilliant blog creations.
You know I'm just kidding, right?
I NEVER put any thought or quality into my blog. I follow Nike's advice and "just do it!"
Fascinating and brilliant are not the words to describe my blog. More like bizarre and dysfuntional.
dys·func·tion·al
Dictionary result for dysfunctional
/ˌdisˈfəNG(k)SH(ə)nl/
adjective
not operating normally or properly.
"the telephones are dysfunctional"
deviating from the norms of social behavior in a
way regarded as bad.
The beauty part of all of this is that you guys and gals are ALSO bizarre and dysfunctional, so my blog is absolutely PERFECT for you!!!
Which is the reason why I'll be reaching a milestone of 50,000 page views in just a few days!!!
I'm at 48, 902 page views at this exact moment, so if I receive 100 views a day, it will only take about 11 days for me to reach 50,000! 50 views per day will take 22 days, if my math serves me well, and it don't, and if I get 1000 views in just one day, well...that ain't gonna happen!
Thursday, February 28, 2019
8 Foolproof Steps For Removing Stress And Anger
Removing ourselves from the stress and anger of this tumultuous world is not as hard as it seems.
I used to be a big news hound, displaying an unquenchable thirst for news, because it was REAL!
Real? What's real anymore? Real is whatever "THEY" say is real on the particular network you're watching.
So, step number one in removing anger and stress is... 1. Stop watching the news. In fact, get someone who's a geek or nerd to delete all of the news channels from your T.V. (if that's even possible), and listen to old records (if you still have a record player), of happy songs by Mitch Miller or Burl Ives.
2. Keep repeating to yourself, "there is no bad news, there is no bad news, everything is A-Okay, everything is A-Okay," even though you know you're telling a big fib to yourself.
3. Adopt too many pets. They'll keep you so busy you'll forget about the world coming to an end in 12 years, according to AOC! How many pets? So many that when anybody walks into your home they'll say, "don't you think you have too many pets?"
4. Listen to the Greg And Dan Radio Show every morning between, about, 5:20 AM to 9:00 AM, and you'll get everything you need to know about world events, but with a funny twist. You'll also hear some of my hilarious stuff from time to time on there, and YES, I DO believe in self promotion when it comes to ME, ME, ME!!
5. Watch entertaining YouTube videos. There are millions of 'em! Here are a few examples of some that will brighten your day...
6. Do NOT discuss politics with ANYONE, or religion, or Cubs versus Cardinals, or if toilet paper should go over the top, away from the wall, or under, along the wall, or deep dish pizza compared to thin crust, or..or...well...don't discuss ANYTHING!!
7. Keep eating everything you enjoy! Eating is probably the biggest stress reliever imaginable! Although, when you hit 600 pounds, the massive food costs and hospital bills will bring on more stress, but that won't be for a long time, if you last that long.
8. Focus on helping others. There is an old Native American saying, " If the moccasins of your brother are worn down, and his bow is broken, and his quiver is empty of arrows, and his teeth are falling from his mouth like pine cones from a tree, and his teepee is filled with holes, remember, the red fox always dances with the chickens at the full moon."
I guess you have to be Native American to understand the true meaning, but just be nice to others and your life will be less angry and stressful most of the time, but if you're driving in Chicago traffic, there's no preventing stress and anger, so we'll make an exception for ya there.
Wednesday, February 27, 2019
What Does Garbage Day Mean To You?
Today is "garbage day" for us. Every Wednesday. Some call it "trash day." Others call it "refuse removal day." I think that's what they say in rich neighborhoods. In England, I imagine they say "rubbish removal day." "Some folks call it a sling blade, I call it a kaiser blade, um hem."
I lost my train of thought for a second. Got off track, and derailed my brain for a bit.
What I was getting at, before I rudely interrupted myself, is that "trash day" is so noisy!
It's always been noisy. Remember when we all had metal garbage cans, and it was metal against metal banging against our brains as we tried to sleep?
What I don't get is why it's even noisier today, when we all have plastic garbage cans!
I think it's the super loud trash trucks that boom me out of bed every Wednesday, like the sonic booms that were created by jets as they broke the sound barrier over my St. Louis home when I was a kid. (A little aerodynamic history for ya)
The brakes sound like tortured banshees (I know I used the banshee word in a recent blog article, but it just seemed to fit here), and the mechanical thing that lifts the can and bang, bang, bangs it against the tail of the truck, and then along with the the crusher mechanism, is louder than the entire Industrial Revolution!!
The Industrial Revolution In All It's Glory
Can't they put soft rubber cushion things on the metal parts to make them a bit quieter? Change their brake pads more often? Spray WD40 on the squeaky areas, so we can get some sleep?
An ancient query for you...Do you put your garbage can out the night before or on the morning of "refuse removal day?" Personally, I wait until morning, because I don't want any delinquent street urchins spilling my trash all over creation in the middle of the night!
A big drawback to that is when you're lying in bed and vaguely hear the rumblings of the garbage truck coming down the street, and you have to put on some clothing, empty the house trash into the big garbage can outside, and take it to the curb as fast as Wudy The Wabbitt, before the garbage guy can gleefully pass your house!!
I'm dying to know what your preference is when it comes to putting out your garbage can the night before or on the DAY. What are your most interesting garbage day stories? Did raccoons ever invade your private trash receptacle?
Is dumpster diving something you enjoy?
In conclusion...Never throw ashes from your grill into the garbage can! You'll probably get a nasty note from your garbage man, like I did. I don't blame him. That was kinda dumb for me to do that. Who wants to breathe in that charcoal dust that can cause pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis! I sure don't! Bonus question...What is the longest word in the dictionary?
