You're Lookin' At A Future Billionaire

It's a little bit amazin' that after all these years of living my high octane life, I've never seen a u.f.o., bigfoot, a ghost, a chupacabra,  grey aliens, vampires, werewolves, zombies, a dragon, a leprechaun, or ANY of all those things that seem to be so popular with a lot of folks!

I may be jumping the gun, but after almost 70 years I'm starting to believe they don't exist!

I just think it's kinda hilarious that so many billions of dollars are made from creatures and things that do not exist! 

Movies, t.v. shows, comic books, songs, regular books, tee shirts, posters, and a ton of more things are inspired by all of these non-existent, afore -mentioned, entities! (I don't think entity is the correct word, but I ain't got time to look it up)

I was not even close!

This all means mucho big money for the CREATORS of the movies, t.v. shows, comic books, songs, regular books, tee shirts, posters, and a ton of more things! And it's all based on fig newtons of our imaginations!! 

Therefore, what I need to do is come up with some mysterious, fictional, uh..let me see...ENTITY to make money offen of. ("offen of" is a southeast Missouri term) (I need to stop using that "entity word)

In addition, it has to be something that cannot be disproved!  That's the ticket! It cannot be disproved, like all the malarkey mentioned above. 

Okay! I've got to think...and it hurts when I do dat! 

I've got it! Potato chip creatures!! "Chip creatures" for short! 

The unsuspecting victim innocently opens a bag of chips, and then a devilish creature, that looks exactly like a potato chip, except with eyes, crawls out of the bag and eats the unsuspecting victim, instead of the other way around! 

No one knows where the creatures came from. From outer space? A bacteria gone rogue? Another dimension? Cleveland? 

Think of all the ways this could be marketed! 

Not just movies, songs, tee shirts and stuff, but Ruffles Potato Chips Company could introduce the "Chip Creatures" potato chips, and make eyes on each chip with poppy seeds or something! 

I know, I know, you're all thinking Danny Boy is a genius, and I can't help but agree, my friends!! 

NATIONAL SCRIBBLE DAY 

 March 27. NATIONAL SCRIBBLE DAY National Scribble Day, on March 27, inspires children to kindness through art. Each of us starts out as a little colorful, wrinkled up human being with eyes, nose and sometimes a shock of hair. Our personality develops as we go.

This baby is destined for Congress....Looks like the late Senator Dirksen.

Well, maybe not.

I found that little National Scribble Day story (above) that proves we have way too much time on our hands in this U.S. of A.

National scribble day? That inspires children to kindness? Through art? 

I did not know that scribbling is art. Did you? 

How does it inspire kindness, hmm?

Maybe when a kid is scribbling and another kid comes over and says, "That's really good art," even though the other kid knows it's just scribbling, that act is believed to be showing kindness to the scribbler. 

Is it REALLY showing kindness to the scribbler?

Let's examine that question, students...but before we do, what did that part mean (above) about "each of us starts out as a little colorful, wrinkled up human being with eyes, nose and sometimes a shock of hair. Our personality develops as we go."

What in the Sam Hill does that have to do with scribbling and who in the name of Pete is Sam Hill? 

So many questions and so little tom to answer them.

Little Tom

Are you as thoroughly confused as I am? Me too!

Should we allow the little scribbler to believe his/her scribblings are fine art? 

How is the little person ever gonna improve, unless someone gives her/him the bitter truth?

For instance, "this really stinks, kid! It's nuthin' but scribbling! Try to draw a dog or cat, and stop with the lame scribbling, woudya?"

On the other hand, some famous artists have sold paintings for millions of pazoozas that were nothing but scribbles. 

A bag of pazoozas

For instance, Jackson Pollock...

So it ain't ALWAYS the best idea to discourage your kid from scribbling, if you can market his works as CLOSE TO  Jackson Pollock creations! 

Something to also consider is the therapeutic value of scribbling. 

Haven't we all doodled? I don't mean like your dog doodles on a fire hydrant, but sat at our desk or a table and doodled little things on paper. 

Scribbling and doodling are very close cousins. 

So we have come full circle, or maybe just a semi-circle, to remember that March 27 is National  Doodling Scibble Day! 

So have at it! Scribble your cares away!! Yeaaaa!!

TWELVE VIEWS? I MUST BE SLIPPING!

Sometimes I feel like I'm slipping when I only get 12 views on my blog, but then I remember that yesterday was a Monday, and folks don't feel like doing much on a Monday, even though 12 views is really low, even for a Monday. 

I'm not the kind of neurotic, insecure dude that let's 12 views get me down. If I was concerned about it, I'd be harping on it a lot, but I'm not phased in the least!

I wonder if there was some kind of computer glitch that hid all the other views from my view, and only allowed me to see 12 measly views. 

On the other hand, I've been known to offend folks frequently, and elicit minor protests from the offended parties on a regular basis. 

I just can't imagine how I ruffled the feathers of so many of my faithful readers that I only received 12 VIEWS!!

Of course, I'm not worried about it, as you can clearly see. 

Maybe there was a gigantic sun flare that not only, messed up the electronical grid, but the brains of my blog fans, who are on the edge of sanity, like me! 

12 views could be considered a national embarrassment for a blogger who is closing in on 50,000 lifetime views, like me, but I'll just let it roll off me like water off a duck's back, water under the bridge, sands through the hour glass, whisky that flows over the teeth and through the gums, look out tummy, here it comes! (where did THAT come from)

So, as I bid you ado, remember, view counts don't matter to me or I'd be going on and on about them. It's making whoever reads my simple blog a happy,  joyous soul. Even though I may shed a tear from tom to tom... when I only get a stinking TWELVE VIEWS!!!

Tom to Tom...Get it?

Famous All Over Again! 

Thanks Greg And Dan!

My heart is always extremely thankful when the Greg and Dan radio show plays one of my outlandish musical compositions on the air!

Here is a link to their super comical/informative show that runs from 5:30-9:00 in the morning, C.S.T...

https://www.1470wmbd.com/shows/greg-dan/

It's kinda mind blowing that they continue to air things that I recorded, even though my keyboard is like a toy keyboard, my recording equipment is just a software program I purchased for $19.00, and a Yeti microphone. (not to be confused with a Yeti cooler)

Microphone

Cooler

Greg and Dan were kind enough to play my new "The Mueller Report" song, even though it's a touchy subject right now. 

Some folks hate the results of the Mueller report, and others love Bob Mueller's determination.

As for me, I just appreciate the inspiration from the situation, so I could write a satirical song! 

Later on you can play the infamous song that I wrote and was FEATURED on the Greg and Dan radio show this morning, when I include it at the end of this blog story. 

It takes lots of cojones to play something so cutting edge! Even more cojones for Greg and Dan to air something that half their fans will find irritating, and a massive amount of cojones to play ANYTHING my brain conceived!!

I'm really not sure what cojones means, but it heard folks say it in movies. No matter, Greg and Dan have lots of 'em!!

Even though I'm extremely old and decrepit, I STILL get a big kick out of hearing my stuff on the radio. 

I loudly declare to Donna, "they're playing my song on the radio, they're playing my song on the radio!!!"

"DONNA, come in here! They're playing my song on Greg and Dan!! You're gonna miss it!!!"

Of course, Donna is usually  somewhere in the house where she can't hear me, like down in the basement doing the laundry or something, and I feel bad that she missed it. However, I get a lot more excited than her. She enjoys hearing my stuff on the radio, but she's more level headed, and not wild and crazy, like me. 

Here is the moment you've been waiting for (or not) since the beginning of this blog posting! My new song, The Mueller Report...

Please give me a review of my new song in the comments section, if you have the cojones!!!

I Sound Like An Old Washing Machine

I had my regularly scheduled echo cardiogram (echo) this morning, and it's always a bit disconcerting to hear my heart sound like an old wringer washing machine! 

On television doctor shows, the heart makes that familiar, solid, thump thump, thump thump sound, but when I get my "echo", it sounds like my old heart is making a slush slush, squish squish sound!! 

The "echo lady" said that was normal, and that everybody's heart sounds like that on an "echo." 

Then why doesn't it sound like that on T.V.?!!

I have to admit, I haven't really watched doctor shows since Ben Casey and Doctor Kildare, so maybe Grey's Anatomy and Doctor Who are more realistic, and have squish squish heart sounds. Doctor Who?

Yes, I know Doctor Who is a syfy show. That was my pathetic attempt at medical humor, or humour, if you're Doctor Who. Doctor Who?

By the way, I had cataracts removed from my eyeballs by Doctor Hu. This time I wasn't trying to be funny. Only pointing out a homophone. (Homophones are a type of homonym that also sound alike and have different meanings, but have different spellings.)

An "echo" is a lot like a sonogram for a man who's not gonna have a baby. 

They spread that cold gel on your chest instead of your belly, and get a picture, like the picture, pictured above, under the washing machine photo, and you hear those squish squash sounds. 

In my opinion, hearing my own heart make those splish splash sounds, gives me a feeling of vulnerability, a sense of mortality, as if I'm a complex machine, but as frail as a delicate wet flower, lying on the tracks of the New York subway system during rush hour, and knowing I can't remove myself before that big ole train comes along and turns me into a squishy mess, but then I think about how that BIG GARDENER IN THE SKY loves me, and will lift up my squishy mess to his bosom, and recreate me back to my flowery beauty. 

Wow! They didn't even give me any drugs, and I'm talkin' way over my head!

Please don't send me any nasty messages, because I'm not a xenophobe, or even Xena-Warrior Princess, but the "echo lady" had an accent, and I couldn't tell if it was Russian, Guatemalan or whatever.

So I was having a bit of difficulty following her instructions. Here are some examples:

Echo Lady: "Daag ov u shur n le un dable."

Translation: "Take off your shirt and lay on the table."

Echo Lady: "Daag deeb brathe."

Translation: "Take a deep breath."

Echo Lady: "Moob un tyeur bog."

Translation: "Move on to your back."

Seriously, I have a deep respect for her, to have achieved such a technically challenging job is more than I could ever do! It's MY inability to quickly understand her speech patterns is the thing that frustrates me! I get so embarrassed when I ask folks to repeat themselves millions of times! (It seemed like millions of times) 

What? What? What? What?

I'll just end with a song I wrote, that most of you have heard a million times (I'm sure it feels like it) , that has it's focus on a heart. If you've never heard it, I'm SHOCKED!