In Defense Of The Average 

Midwest American

I would be remiss if I did not mention the amazing support of my mediocre music on the super fantastic Greg And Dan Radio Extravaganza!! (I added the extravaganza part, 'cause it's true)

This morning they played my new song, "Average Midwest American," inspired, coincidentally, by the Greg And Dan Radio Extravaganza!! 
Link to Greg and Dan Show...https://www.1470wmbd.com/the-greg-dan-show/

I'll include the song at the end. Making you wait, builds up anticipation...or makes you cut me off, right about now. 

Are you still here? Good!!

The average Midwest American is totally misrepresented on T.V. shows, in movies, on the news, and EVERYWHERE!

We are misrepresented as straw chewin', under educated, beer guzzlin', intolerant, racist, misogynistic trailer trash, but that's only a tiny minority of my relatives.

The rest of us are pretty cool when it comes to the social mores of this 21st century, and other common acceptable behaviors.

For instance...

Midwest Steve - "You and I just finished this case of beer, ya want to start on another one?"

Midwest Bob - "Of course not! I don't want to come across as an average beer guzzlin' midwesterner !!"

Midwest Steve - "It's free."

Midwest Bob - "Don't mind if I do, buddy! Don't mind if I do?" (The average Midwest American has a tendency to repeat himself/herself from tom to tom) 

Tom who?! 

Midwest Hershel - " I hear them Mooslems are pretty much takin' over this area."

Midwest Buck - "Yeah. ain't it great! The prices and service at their mini marts/gas stations are Jim Dandy!! 

Midwest Junior - "I always have the last word with my wife!"

Midwest  Orville - "I know, same as me..YES Ma'am!!"

Midwest Verdell - "I'm coming out of the closet, Wilbur!"

Midwest Wilbur - "I never knew you were gay, Verdell, but I'm not one to judge."

Midwest Verdell - "No, you dumb cluck, Molly has made me sleep in the closet since I bumped into my old girlfriend on the street, and someone took a picture of her hugging me, and posted it on Facebook! After 3 months she's letting me come out!!

Serially folks, the average Midwest American is as diverse as the average Midwest African, or average Midwest Albanian, or average Midwest Australian, or average Midwest Californian Canadian!

Hey! What California denier posted this photo? 

So when you see all that stuff about us being rednecks, dumb Trump supporters, white supremicists, and part of the He Man Women Hater's Club...

Actual photo of He Man Women Hater's Club from the misogynistic Lil Rascals!

Don't believe it!!! Remember these true, enduring words...

Now...Ta-da da daaa...the song you've all been waiting for, that was graciously played on the Greg And Dan Radio Extravaganza this very morn'...

Friday Fall Quiz...Penmanship Will Be Part Of Your Grade

It's been many moons since I last gave you guys and gals a quiz, so it's about time.

Remember...grading is on the honor system, so self grade yourself honestly. I know you will. 

St. Peter may ask about this on your entrance into heaven, so...

Friday Fall Quiz Questions

You may begin.

1. Glirkazoids are...

a. sandwiches

b. computer components

c. spaze aliens

e. those spinning things that kids spin between their fingers.

2. True Or False...

The true center of the universe is Peoria, Illinois.

3. Yes or No...

 Worms hear.

4. The author of the legendary Bloggadocious 222 blog is _____________.

5.The mysterious "blob on the moon" is actually...

a. a moon pimple

b. an underground mountain of gold.

c. Alice Kramden

d. a vast, secret military base, built by Zurreallyuns, for no apparent reason, since it's been there for a trillion years.

6. Most beautiful First Lady...

7.  True or False...

Politicians are smarter than us.

8. The BEST entertainment for "average midwest Americans" is...

a. the Greg and Dan radio show.

b. Bloggaocious 222

c. Asian Carp round ups.

d. all of the above.

9.  Clouds are really whipped cream for ________to eat.

10. What do angels put on their hot chocolate?

11. Which photo appeals to you? No right answer.

12. Two TV antennas got married.  The wedding was okay, but the __________was great!

13.  If you could live ANYWHERE in the world, what color would you paint your house?  Trick question. 

14. The GREATEST singer of all tom is/was...

a. Joni Mitchell

b. Richie Havens

c. Freddy Mercury

d. Enrico Caruso

e. Tom Jones.

15, Tests are pretty much obsolete, because...

a. we can Google any answer we want.

b. who cares if we know the circumference of the earth, and other unnecessary stuff. 

c. very soon, computer chips will be implanted in our brains that will give us all the known info in the universe, when we blink our eyes or something. 

Times up!!!

Send your answers to me through the magic of the enter net, and I'll grade as fairly as a democrat would grade a republican, or vicey versy!!

HAVE A SUPER WEEKEND!!!!

Out Of This World Wednesday...The Great Fight!!

With the Great Jewel Of Neprotonicus 11 safely on board the Silver Sausage spazeship, our gleeful Glirkazoid globetrotters, trot across the globes of spaze, to Neprotonicus 12.

Gary - "So, all's well that Roswell, Rosie!"

Rosie - "Gary. Don't you mean, all's well that end's well?"

Gary - "Don't attempt to rewrite history, Rosie! You KNOW it was a Glirkazoid spazeship that crash landed in Roswell, New Mexico, Earth, and don't try to hide these true facts, girl!!"

Rosie - "It was a weather balloon, and anyway, all's well that Roswell, makes no sense, goofball!!"

Gary - "It does to me! Besides..."

At that instant, everything instantly shuts down on the Silver Sausage spazeship, instantaneously!! 

Gary - "Wha happen, Rosie? I can't see nuttin' honey!'

Rosie - "This is no time for breakfast cereal, Gary! We need to survey the surprising stoppage, seriously, and solve our sticky situation swiftly!"

Gary - "Alliteration ain't about to aid anything at all, airhead! Now you got me doin' it!!"

The scene shifts from inside the Silver Sausage to an outside view, where we see the helpless, Silver Sausage spazeship in the clutches of a paralyzation beam, emitted by an ugly Textakon vessel!!

As we zoom in on the transparent cockpit of the ship, we see the hideous face of Pallbassion The Destroyer! Pallbassion The Destroyer is the most feared predator, in the history of predators! 

Pallbassion The Destroyer hails the Silver Sausage hastily! 

PTD - "Hailing the Silver Sausage spazeship...hailing the Silver Sausage spazeship...are you there?"

Rosie - "Hail yes, we're here!! Where else would we be, Pauly?! You got us trapped in your evil paralyzation beam, you big rat!!"

PTD - "Chill, Rosie! What? Did you wake up on the wrong side of the hibernation chamber? I come in peace, my old friend."

Rosie - "Do you think me a fool, Pauly? I know what you're here for, you want to try and kidnap me again, to make me your obedient slave for all eternity!!"

Gary - "Over my dead, Glirkazoid, body, you buttfaced beast!!"

PTD - "Come on, guys. I'm all over that obsession."

Rosie - "Wha-what? You're over me?"

PTD - "Yeah! Water under the bridge. I've burned my bridges. Bridge On The River Kwai...

Rosie - "Well, what's wrong with me? I haven't gained an ouncaal since you last saw me, I just curled my antennas, and I'm wearing my favorite lipstick!!! 

Gary - "What are you SAYING, Rosie?!  Do you WANT to be kidnapped by Pallbassion The Destroyer?"

Rosie - "Uh..of course not! I'm  just a bit surprised that..."

PTD - "No matter, my fearless, forever foes. I'm here on business! Hand over the Great Jewel Of Neprotonicus 11 and I'll release you from the paralyzation beam, and no one has to be disgronified."

Disgronification is the most agonizing thing that can happen to a Glirkazoid! Worse than a nasty case of  Drizzillian Diarrhea!

Gary - "Rosie! We must hand the Great Jewel over to PTD. Pallbassion is far more powerful than us, and it's only a stupid jewel that billions of Neprotonicans were depending on for their utter survival."

Rosie - "You're right, Gary. We have no choice. Go on ahead and open your transporter, Pauly, so we can send the jewel over to the Textakon...sigh."

PTD - "I'm so happy you see it my way, my once worthy enemies, but I'm sad to see how much you've slipped since we last rumbled. Send over the jewel, fools! But wait! Just to make sure you don't send a hypertonium bomb instead, Gary,  send Rosie with the jewel, and I'll send her back, I promise!"

Gary - "Okay."

Rosie - "OKAY? OKAY?!!! I'm starting to feel like chopped liver around here!! Pauly is over me! YOU don't care if I get transported to the ugly, dirty Textakon vessel! What a rotten day!!"

An emotionless, Gary, unemotionally transports Rosie to the Textakon, while Pallbassion The Destroyer smiles in approval!!

PTD - "Rosie! Don't you know what I did? I have managed to obtain the Great Jewel and YOU, in one fell swoop!! I was just pretending about being over you! I think you're still hot as a Negollian Nightclub!!"  

Rosie - "You're even uglier than I remember, Pauly! By the way, don't you want to take the protective wrapping off the jewel and inspect it for damage?"

At that instant, Gary pops out of the wrapping paper and faces the grotesque monster who assumed he had them deceived!

PTD - "Bu-but! I saw Gary transport you and the Jewel over here, on my viewing thingy, how?"

Gary - "Ya big dummy! Haven't you ever heard of replicas? Robots that look just like you? It was my replica that did the tricky transporting, you big knucklehead! Now prepare to have your krummy 
keester kicked!!"

Now, here is where we have the 20 minute fight scene, with a lot of running up and down metal stairs, firing disgronificators at each other, using light sabers and cutting into conduit, where sparks fly, Gary and Rosie hand to hand combating with PTD,  jumping on his enormous back, kicking him in the face, so he throws them clear across the poop deck, but they are not injured, and then they throw those Ninja stars at Pauly, but he bends out of the way, like in the Matrix, and after that, PTD is able to grab both of them by the neck, and starts talking to them...


That's where the bad guys ALWAYS go wrong.  Instead of eliminating our heroes immediately, they talk to them first. 

PTD - "Well, well, well! I've got you now, you little pipsqueaks! Ha ha ha haaaa! For millions of epocyers I've tangled with you two overgrown termites, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah...

Little does Pauly know, that as he's talking, Gary is sending out a secret message to a friend who has always come to the rescue, whenever and where ever needed, due to the fact that he is gifted with being able to penetrate ANY defenses ever designed to stop ANY creature!!

PTD - "Blah, blah, blah, blah...who's there?!" 

Pallbassion turns around, and shrieks in terror at the sight of the ONLY one who can take him down with ease. The remarkable, righteous RHYMESAUCE!!! 

Here is what Rhymesauce rhymes to Pauly...

Important you listen to this, to understand the point of this Out OF This World Wednesday!

PTD - (crying) "Okay! Okay! Here! I'm letting go of these little, peaceful Glirkazoids, un-paralyzing the Silver Sausage, and will not try and steal the Great Jewel Of Neprotonicus 11 anymore!! Please stop rhyming, Rhymesauce! You're breaking my heart!" 

Gary - "Well done, Rhymy!! I knew you'd come through for us again!"

Rhymesauce - "It was a pressure, I mean, pleasure, my old friends!! Ha ha!! Need any more assistance?"

Gary - "Nah! Taking the Great Jewel to Neprotonicus 12 will be easy peasy now!"

Rosie - "Don't speak too soon, Gary! Being braggadocious could jinx us!!"

Rhymesauce - "Not that I believe in jinxes, but I'm leaving RIGHT NOW!!"

Will things go "easy peasy" for our Glirkazoid galavanters from now on? 

Did Gary jinx the mission by his braggadociousness?

Will Pallbassion The Destructor  Destroyer stay out of trouble?

Will the St. Louis Cardinals get a new batting instructor? 

These are all questions that may, or may not be answered next week in 
OUT OF THIS WORLDWEDNESDAY!!!!