Astronaut Bob Behnken And Me 
Are Almost Old Buddies!

I was totally shocked, surprised and a little bemused, to discover, from my niece, Julie, that astronaut Bob Behnken is from my home town, St. Ann Missouri, and went to Pattonville High School, where I matriculated!! 

Niece Julie

Three clarifications, for you super observant readers:

1. I know you can only matriculate in college, but I love the word.

2. Whenever I did matriculate at Pattonville High School, the janitor mopped it up.

3. I went to the OLD Pattonville and Bobby (that's what I call him) went to the NEW Pattonville.

Old Pattonville

New Pattonville

From way back in the earliest days of  traveling around the globe in what's called an orbit, with monkeys in cute little space suits, I have admired and respected astronauts!

I was there when John Glenn and Alan Shepard did their phenomenal feats of flight, when I watched them on TV at St. Ann Grade School!

Did Bob Behnken attend St. Ann Grade School? Ancient astronaut theorists say YES, but I don't know for sure. 

Satellite view of St. Ann, Mo.

Even though I graduated from Pattonville in 1968 amd Bobby graduated in 1988, I still feel a deep, abiding kinship with him due to our remarkably similar roots. 

It makes me imagine him and me eating White Castle hamburgers together, going to Skylark Bowling Alley together, going to the Airway Drive In Movie Theater in my old English Ford, where it was only a dollar a carload, together, and sharing our ideas about space engineering, rocket science, and cosmic background radiation. 

Cosmic background radiation

Right at this very moment, Bobby is up on that space station, doing space experiments, and probably thinking back to his happy childhood of  hot summer days in St. Ann, going to Northwest Plaza, rooting on the Pattonville Pirates sports teams, and paling around with his old buddies, which would have included me if I had been born twenty years later!!

Green and white, fight fight fight!!

Way to go, Bobby! I'm so happy you applied all the teachings I NEVER taught you!!! 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DONNA!

One of the most unexplained mysteries of my life, is how I got Donna to be my wife!

Folks are always thinking she's my daughter, when we go someplace new. 

She has the ability to strike up 

conversations with total strangers, has a positive attitude about life, and encourages me, continually, because I do NOT have the ability to strike up conversations, maintain a positive attitude, and I tend to put myself down all the time. 

She said she doesn't mind me mentioning she's 59. She said it's fine!

I bought her wine. 

Birthday Girl, Donna, loves her children and grandchildren to the max!

Those are the facts!

Throughout her life she has had struggles and strife, but has held her head high, I'm so glad she's my wife!

Dear Donna, I'm wishing you all of the best, on your Happy Birthday we'll have DONNA FEST, and celebrate all of the years we've been blessed, today I will serve you, and you'll be my guest!

I LOVE YOU, DONNA!!!!

Out Of This World Wednesday

Impossible Mission, For Real!

Rosie and Gary stand flabbergasted, as they read what their new mission is going to be, from the Missions Screen!

It reads, "Gary and Rosie, your new mission will entail too many dangers to survive, too many alien creatures to defeat, too much lack of supplies, food and water, and other discomforts that will drive you insane! Are you willing to accept these challenges?"

Rosie and Gary,( in unison) - NO!!

Missions Screen - "That don't matter! You're going anyway!! Remember your Glirkazoidian Oath?"

GLIRAKAZOIDIAN OATH

I am a warrior Glirkazoid,

All dangers I do not avoid,

This is my oath of loyalty,

I'll never even stop to pee,

When monsters try to dine on me.

On and on I forge ahead,

Though foes may try to make me dead,

Through hunger thirst and sleeplessness,

I'll save the beings in distress,

And never EVER stop to rest!

Rosie - "I feel so ashamed, Gary. I forgot our Glirkazoidian Oath."

Gary - "Me too, Rosie. Yes! We will go on the mission, no matter what! Right, girl?"

Rosie - "Right, Gary!! What is the mission, Missions Screen?"

Non-activated Missions Screen

Missions Screen - "You will go back in time, to Earth, to the year 2020, and fix everything that has gone terribly wrong."

Rosie and Gary (in unison) - "NO WAY!!!!!!!"

It seems that Rosie and Gary has knowledge of  the history on earth, way back in 2020. 

Will they go so far as to break their oath, to avoid returning to that terrifyingly, horrific time?

Join us next Wednesday to find the answer, here at...

Where Have I Been?

This is not me! 

Chihuahua! All of you faithful readers must be hoppin' mad at me!

I haven't posted a blog story since last OUT OF THIS WORLD WENDESDAY!!

On the other hand, nobody asked where my blog was, or if I died, or if I hitched a ride on the Space X spaceship, and I'm now residing in space! Which would be nothing new for me.

Well, the answer to all of your questions, if you have any, is I was painting my deck, park bench, and glider. I'm old and slow. 

I was also putting in our bucket garden, planting flowers, and doing lots of mowing and weed whipping. 

This is not our bucket garden, but similar. 

Of course, some of you won't believe me, because you think I'm a double naught spy, and travel this thing we like to call "the world", to right all the wrongs that are taking place at a phenomenal rate!!

So here are some photos of what I did, to prove, without a doubt, I was at home and NOT saving the world!

Working at a snails pace takes a long, long time, but it makes me feel good to actually accomplish something...ANYTHING! 

I hope you all can forgive me for neglecting  my duty of providing a funny, entertaining, thought provoking blog for you each day, but it's hard for a man like me to multi-task. Some women will say it's difficult for men, in general, to multi-task, because women are WAY better at multi-tasking, like it was built into their DNA!!

I digress. I'll keep trying to give you a funny, entertaining, thought provoking blog, even though it has NEVER been any of those things to a lot of folks who don't understand my avant-garde style of humor. 

I'm happy that YOU do!! 

Arriva birdie!!!

Out Of This World Wednesday

A New Adventure Awaits

As you rabid Out Of This World Wednesday fans know, the exciting episodes of Out Of This World Wednesday are more than just a bunch of silly spaze stories, but go way, way beyond the superficial realm of syfy comedy, into the deep, dark mysterious regions of the mind and soul!

The battling of monsters and dragons, evil cosmic villains, and dreaded interplanetary diseases are mere illustrations for what we earthlings experience in our semi-miserable lives every day. 

Gary and Rosie represent the dual personalities that each individual displays in times of tumult, terror, and trepidation.

At times, you're the smart, witty, sophisticated, Rosie, who is logical, brave, fearless and foxy...at other times, you can be the slow witted, fumbling, Gary, who is  always screwing up, but seems to prevail in the end, by sheer luck. By YOU I mean ME.

Who is this? ↑

Frankly..I'm mostly, Gary. Who are you? 

Anyway, all of you faithful readers know EXACTLY what I'm talking about, you newbies need to stick with the  OOTWW series until you understand the deeper, hidden meaning that permeates the inner sanctums of  these profound writings!

Let's begin our new Out Of This World Wednesday series, shall we?

Gary and Rosie have just returned home to their planet Glirka, after having obliterated the malevolent, Krug The Kruddy, who was responsible for the toilet paper shortage in the universe, among other nasty things. 

Gary is speaking into a microphone to record their adventure, for posterity?

Gary - "As Krug approached, I said, I don't care how big and fugly you are, fatty...I will single handedly emulsificate you into a puddle of liquid slime, buddy! Since Rosie was nowhere to be seen, I whipped out my emulsificator and..."

Rosie sneaks up behind Gary.

Rosie -"Aren't you leaving out a few details, Gary? Like ME smacking Krug across the face with the Ancient Book Of Battles, and ME providing the applewood seasoning to make Krug sneeze, when he had transformed himself into an aardvark and almost sucked us up, and ME emulsificating him along with you?"

Gary -"Details shmetails, Rosie! No one ever reads these boring reports anyways."

Rosie -"No one but the Glirkazoidian High Command, who give us promotions, pay increases, medals, and special honors!"

Gary - "Ha! Gotcha, Rosie!! I knew you were standing behind me all the time, and I was PRETENDING to leave you out of the report! Wow! You fell for my little joke!"

 Rosie - "Well, I got the last laugh, goofball! I ALREADY sent the full, accurate report to the High Command a few parcepts ago!"

Gary - "Uh, that's, um, great, Rosie! You're on the ball, girl! Responsible Rosie! That's you! Uh, super...then...I'll, um...be going, uh,,,now."

At that precise moment, a new mission appears on the New Missions Screen, and Rosie and Gary are totally flabbergasted!!

What is this flabbergasting new mission? 

Find out next week in...

How I Have Lived So Remarkably Long

This is not me...YET!

There's a reason I've lived to the ripe old age of seventy. It's because I avoid risky business. I have ALWAYS worn my seat belt, even before it was mandatory. I never picked up the bad habit of smoking. I gave up motorcycles at age 16, after I realized how stupid I was to ride with NO SEAT BELT, air bags, four wheels for stabilization, steel doors to protect me from collisions, no bumpers or safety glass, and the REAL possibility of being thrown off and skinned alive by the rough concrete on the highway!

The reason I bring this up is because of what happened to me at church yesterday.

I sing in the praise band at church. If you don't know what a praise band is, you must be a heathen! Just funnin' wit ya, folks! 

Anyway, a praise band performs more contemporary Christian songs, basically for younger folks who prefer newer music over the old traditional hymns. 

That's okay with me, except for the songs that keep repeating the same verses 60 times! ♪God is good, good...O God is good...♪God is good, good...O God is good...

♪God is good, good...O God is good...♪God is good, good...O God is good...♪God is good, good...O God is good...♪God is good, good...O God is good...♪♪ (repeat 60 times)

Getting back to the "no risky business" part, they opened our church back up yesterday, taking all the precautions necessary to keep us safe. Masks...social distancing...no passing the plate...it was GREAT!

However, when they asked me to sing with the praise band again, I refused. 

This is not me, but only a representation of me refusing to sing.

The praise band members do not wear masks when they sing, because that would be silly. They do not social distance very well, and folks spit a lot whilst singing, 

I'm sure they thought I was being overly cautious, but they are all young and fearless. 

I told them I am high risk, but I don't think they could wrap their young brains around that fact.

It's all good. Pastor Tom said I can wait untill I'm comfortable. That was cool!

I enjoy singing at church, but for now I'll sing with the rest of the, socially distanced, congregation.

Example (ABOVE)  of what NOT to do in these 

UNCERTAIN TIMES!!!