Meet Me at Constipation And Diarrhea!

I love cute unusual street names, like Bow Wow Boulevard for a street with a doggy shelter or A- Hole Avenue for a few city blocks of proctologists. Psychiatrists might name their street Wacky Way! However, there are some names that seem to be taboo for street names. For instance, Diarrhea Drive or Constipation Court. Hey, did you hear about that accident on the corner of Snot and Vomit? What if you lived on Leprosy Lane or Puke Parkway? So, give me directions to your house! Well, you start out on Spit Street and make a right on Hitler Highway. Go about two miles and make a left on Jeff Dahmer Drive. Make another left on Casey Anthony Court and you're there! Let's see, Lynch Mob Lane, Decapitate Drive, Armageddon Avenue, Poop Place, Sist Street, Booger Boulevard... Now, what disgusting street names can you come up with?

Danny Maness is going to church?

Yes! I go to church every Sunday.
Now, you may be thinking, "But, Danny, you're a big, dysfunctional, wacked out sinner!"
Duh! Why do you think I need to go to church so badly!

Doris Day Is Coming Out With A New Album!

There is still hope for me! Doris Day is coming out with a new album at age 87! Let's see, I'm 61 so I've still got 26 years to to get ready. Whew! What relief! I was starting to think I was over the hill but I'm a spring chicken compared to her!
Oh, how I loved the sweet voice of Doris Day in my younger days. Now, let me think; When she was 20 I was -6. When she was 30 I was 4. When she was 40 I was 14? I had the HOTS for Doris Day when I was 14? I didn't know she was 40! That makes me feel kind of weird. I wonder if I can find a picture of myself at 14. Close enough! That's me, number 72. I was actually 17 but that's pretty close if you ask me. See that boyish, dumb looking expression? Can you believe I was having abnormal thoughts about Doris Day at that very moment. She was 43 at the time, for heavens sake! However, you have to admit she LOOKED 30. That's not so bad, is it?
Anyway, I got away from the main subject; the lovely VOICE of Doris Day. Remember, Que Sera Sera? Pronounced Quay Sarah Sarah. I loved that song almost as much as this one: " I hear the cotton woods whiperin' above, Ta-a-my Ta-a- my Tammy's in love, the old hooty owl hooty hoots to the dove... That one really gave me "feelings" for Doris. Chihuahua! Pronounced Chi-hoowa-hoowa. Maybe I'll include a picture of a Chihuahua here: Close enough!
My whole point being that I can still make something out of myself at 61 if Doris Day can come out with an album at 87! ( God, I hope her voice doesn't sound all weak , quivery and scratchy.) Right? Here is a small sample of my musical talents. Let me know what you think.

A Blogging We Will Go

Oh, a blogging we will go, a blogging we will go, hi ho the dario, a blogging we will go!
I feel GOOD today! Did you ever have one of those mornings that you felt like it was the first day of the rest of your life and you could accomplish anything your little heart desired? Me neither. Although, I DO feel GREAT this morning, if you don't feel good, I will share my joy and happiness with you. Ready...Here it comes:

If You Ain't Been There You Don't Know

That's me in front. The little guy with something in his hands. My guess is a balony sandwich. I loved balony sandwiches.
My sister Dee-Dee is behind me with the adorable smile.
Doesn't it look like a scene from the "Little Rascals?"
Here is something I've learned over the years. It is unwise to judge people, because we have no idea what their lives have been like or how much they've suffered or been abused. They may have a painful disability that you can't see or have lost loved ones recently. Maybe they have been made fun of because of their looks, the way they talk, or even the way they walk. They may have no money to go to the laundromat and wash their clothes or even buy soap to wash with.
Don't you wish your friends would always give you the benefit of the doubt when you are the center of some accusation and have fingers pointing at you.
I write these words because I've been at both ends of this spectrum, as the accuser and the accused. I am ashamed because of accusing my friends of things that were only in my paronoid imagination, and I can have empathy for those who have been accused and been made fun of throughout their lives.
This song and video was produced with the afore mentioned thoughts in mind.

AWESOME REVIEW!

Linda said...

I loved the book "Hitchin - God's Way ....." Danny is a very funny writer with a "different" sense of humor but in a good way. I was thoroughly amused throughout the whole book - he tells of his experiences while hitchhiking through the country. He talks about high school days, hippy days, past girlfriends, and certain areas like San Francisco and Colorado - all was very hilarious! The Glirkazoids are funny, but I won't tell you more - you'll have to read it! I really recommend this book to anyone who wants to read something just for the fun of it - and I really mean its fun!!!

August 8, 2011 9:50 AM

Jumpin' Glirkazoids Batman! What a fun read! I enjoyed Hitchin' a LOT. The love afair with Charlyn was so touching. I was not quite as shy around girls you but I sure know what you were going thru.

Lots of stuff packed into 150 pages. Teachers, coaches, family, fellow students, girls taking a piss, what fun.

I must admit it was cool to be mentioned in your book, I am honered and humbled.

Just one question on page 132, what is the joke that goes with the punch line "Where's the old lady with the bad tooth"?

Talk to you later Buddy

Rick Robberson

Charlyn White

Danny your book is hilarious and brings back a lot of child hood memories. It's written like we were right there with you. Both of your books are hilarious. Everyone should order the book and enjoy. Not only is it hilarious, it's one of my classmates since kindergarten. There aren't many who can say they've known someone since kindergarten still friends. We can say we knew you when! I am very proud of you.

Congrats on both of your books Danny.

Hitchin Gods Way Song

The thin line that separates genius from wacky, crazy, nutjob insanity is very thin indeed. Never try to decipher the meaning of my writings or you'll go coo-coo your own self! Be alive in the cosmic feelings you absorb in your subconscious mom. My love for you runs deep and wide, milk and honey on da other side. Live like you know whats gonna happen on Dec.21st 2012!

Bonus Danny Maness Book Alert!
My friend, Danny Maness has a new book out called, “Hitchin’—God’s Way of Letting You Know You Don’t Have A Car.” Danny Manny lives in Pekin, Illinois and is so crazy he actually makes me look normal, so you should really check out his book. It’s heelarious in places and heart-warming in the other spots. And there’s three spots that will give you an acid flashback, even if you’ve never done acid! So it’s got a lot going for it. Plus there’s great photos, original artwork by Jason Heath and I get an acknowledgement in it! What does my acknowledgement say? Buy the book and find out, you cheap ass! Click on this link and you will be magically transferred to the land of Danny Manny Maness!

HITCHIN': GOD'S WAY OF LETTING YOU KNOW YOU DON'T HAVE A CAR.

MY writing is a perfect reflection of my imagination, my dreams, my secret loves, my suffering, my vision of what could be someday if we strive for a new stream of consciousness. Now, if you believed all that garbage, you better not read my silly book!

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