MADNESS MUSIC MONDAYS

I wrote "A Classic" as a tribute to all of the "classic" things we love!

Now, what is a classic to me, may not be a classic to you. To me, a classic is a movie I can enjoy EVERY TIME I watch it! Or a song I never get tired of, no matter how many times I've heard it!

What about you?

What do you consider to be real classics when it comes to movies, books, songs, bands, and all the things you can enjoy over and over again!

ST. LOUIS SUNDAYS

Actual photo of Holy Guardian Angels Church.

Holy Guardian Angels. 

Ain’t that beautiful. (We called it Holy Angels for short)

Holy Angels. Where I was baptized, attended funerals, got married (a number of times), and even preached sermons. All that, and I’m not even Catholic.

Holy Guardian Angels Catholic Church was right across the alley, just a “stones throw” away. (To use a Biblical term.) 

It was gorgeous. Built of some kind of red stone with white trimmings. It was a glorious playhouse for us kids. An enchanted castle a few steps from our back door. 

Remember when Dorothy, the Tin Man, Straw Man,  and Lion Man got to the Emerald City? Good. Remember the big doors? Remember the little man, who was really the same guy as the wizard, who was really Frank Morgan who came to the door? Forget him!

It’s the doors we are trying to recall. Anyway, the doors of Holy Angels were as big as those doors in the “Wizard of Oz.

“At least, they seemed that big. Maybe they weren't as big as we thought. We were all under three feet tall when we played there. Kind of like Munchkins.

(As Coroner I must aver, I thoroughly examined her. 

And she's not only merely dead, she's really most sincerely dead.)

The door was always unlocked, or maybe it didn't even have a lock. My ornery, red-haired sister was the only one with the courage to push the door open and lead us in. 

Mean Little Red Haired Sister in the bibs, right behind me in the front! She was actually  a bit older than me.

Then came the real test. Being able to walk past the dead, bleeding, gazing statues to the altar. It was so cool! 

Dark, eerie, candles burning, the ultimate spook-house! (Catholics, please don’t be offended. We were only babies.) 

Also, I almost forgot this part, we would stick our fingers in the holy water and chant, “holy moly in the moly, holy moly in the moly.” (Hey, what do you want from pre-schoolers?) 

We would have pretend, baptisms, weddings, funerals, and take turns being the priest. It’s a good thing no one ever came in there when we were playing. It would have scared the pee out of us!

However, I do remember one time leaving the church and a bright light appeared in the sky. A voice came out of the light. Yea, I think it was an angel’s voice.
We were told many wonderful things. All about------Oh, excuse me. Wasn’t that the Fatima thing? On rare occasions I lose my vice-like grip on reality and my mind floats off to Fantasy Island. (The plane! The plane! Shut up Tattoo. You sawed off runt.)

Now that I’ve alienated all the Catholics, let’s try the
Mormons. They’re always good for a chuckle. Hey, I’m only foolin! Was that the soprano section of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir you were with last night, or was that your wives? Hoo, hoo! I apologize, but I couldn’t help myself.

If science could develop a way to combine the brains of physicians with Jehovah’s Witnesses, we would have doctors that make house calls. Ho, boy! Don’t stop me cause I’m on a scroll! 

Why did the Pentecostal go to the hog farm? He wanted to praise the lard! 

How many evangelists does it take
to change a light bulb? Two. One to change the bulb and the other to take up a collection. 

You think all the other religious
jokes were hilarious? No? Well, this one will kill you! Are you ready? I’m not kidding! Here goes! Be prepared to laugh your “you know what” off! I hope you have health insurance ‘cause this is fun---ny! So, here it is now! The Amish. That’s it. They're just a funny little group!

Oh, don’t worry. The beauty of making fun of the Amish is they will never know about it! No T.V., no radio, no newspapers, no worldly books.

 Watch this. Amish wear funny clothes, Amish wear funny clothes! (Sung to Nya-nya-nya -nya- nya.) See. No retaliation or nuthin. 

Let's try this, Amish have funny beards, even some of the women have funny beards too! (Sung to nya-nya-nya-nya-nya.) Look around, no Amish demonstrations, no Amish thugs knocking on my door, no Amish snipers waiting to waste me when I go to the drugstore, no Amish phone calls---excuse me, it’s the phone...

Hi, I’m back.
 The Amish are a strong, spiritual, hard working people who live a lifestyle that keeps them free from the corrupting influence of modern society. I’ve also recently learned that when they get ticked off, they are willing to stick their pitchfork where it will need to be surgically removed; and did you know they can take buildings apart as fast as they put them up? I found that out. Yep, yep I did all right. The Amish are really cool. I know that now. 

SURREAL SATURDAYS SURREAL SURREAL SATURDAYSSATURDAYSSURREAL SATURDAYS

SURREAL SATURDAYSSURREAL SATURDAYS

A park ranger stopped by, and said the wind just blew the hat off his head!

Ha! They'll never catch me in my ship made from a Christmas tree ornament!!

So, you designed our new coin after being inspired by a "Journey" song?!

This doesn't look like the hotel we booked on Orbitz!

Darn it, Bobby, you dropped the cookie jar lid from the plane!

So Clark says to me, "Cousin Eddie, area 51 would be a good place to vacation!"

These crosses on the ship should fool them at first, and THEN we eat them!

911? My electric fry pan just flew out the window and started growing!

Nothin' will slip past us this tom, I got my video camera at the ready!

Aren't they adorable?! My two E.T. grandkids as a result of my first abduction!

Here's a photo of your cheap engagement ring I just threw out of the car window, cheater!!

♫If we can make it there, we'll make it anywhere...♪♪

Finnally, iron clad proof that UFOS exist, from a certified expert!

Another petrified UFO finding!

911?! Our bathtub stopper just flew out of the window and is growing to an immense size!

Would you stop showing off, Glipbop?!

And this model was only flown on Sundays by a little old lady, Venutian!

FAN FRIDAYS

I'm a fan of high school days...

MORE BEER FOR PATTONVILLE HIGH

Actual photo of Pattonville High School

( Sung to the tune of the Notre Dame fight song.)

More beer for Pattonville High, 

Bring on the whiskey,

Bring on the rye.

Send those Freshmen out for gin,

And don’t let a sober sophomore in.

Juniors never stagger,

Seniors never fall,

They sober up on Wood Alcohol,

While the Royal Faculty,

Lies drunk on the ballroom floor.

More, more, more.

More beer for Pattonville High………………….

(Now, repeat the whole song on the school bus about two dozen times!)

About the song: I do not know who wrote the lyrics to “More Beer For Pattonville High” but wasn’t he/her a certified genius?

This was an actual real life song we sang on the bus while traveling to “away” games, and the TEACHERS sang along with us!

Believe me, brothers and sisters, this would not happen on any school bus in this politically correct 21st century. And if it did happen, it would become a “Federal Case!”

Pattonville was an “old style” school. (Actually, a Budweiser, Busch, and Michelob school. This WAS St. Louis, for heaven’s sake!)

The “old lady” stood high on a hilltop.
Weathered, faded and beaten down by 75 years of student abuse;  and covered in graffiti, spit, and stains, inflicted by rude, disobedient, bratty kids.

Sadly, Pattonville High School  suffered all the same abuse as “Miss Zimmerman”; the poor, old lady school teacher mentioned in the last paragraph.

Pattonville looked exactly like a high school should look.

Get into your car and drive to a town or section of your city that hasn’t torn down the old high school yet.
We will wait until you get back.
O.K. That’s what Pattonville looked like.

Pattonville again

High schools built since 1984( Note the significance of the year) look like prisons or a bunch of “Glirkazoid” spaceships hooked together.( Hey! Could it be………………..

Yes, this is a high school!

Now, lets get this story focused on the primary, uh,……..focus.
“Charlyn Wilcox.”
Isn’t that a glorious name?
Wilcox!


When I accomplished something important, suffered, cried, lost sleep, dressed up, showed off, fantasized or risked my very life; it was all  because of Charlyn Wilcox.

From first grade to my Senior year in high school, Charlyn Wilcox was the major reason I existed and/or succeeded or failed at whatever I did.

It was “ love at first sight” when I saw her!
The, golden morning sun gently touched her soft, sweet, blonde hair, literally making it glow like a thousand, um, “Tinkerbells.” ( I know I used “Tinkerbells” before in this blog but frankly my dear, I think Tinkerbell is “HOT!”)

However, it wasn’t until years later that I penned this heartfelt poem to my lovely Charlyn.

Golden Glow

By Danny Maness

I know a girl with a golden  glow,

That none but I can see,

A glow that makes my heart begin, 

To play a rhapsody.

My deep romantic feelings,

I fear she’ll never know,

Or my hearts hallucination, 

Of her gentle golden glow.

Sadly, Charlyn never saw these charming delightful words because I was WAY too shy to reveal my feelings to her.
In fact, I never said more than two or three words to her in all of our twelve years in the Pattonville R3 school district together!
I don’t think I even made eye contact with her!
I was Quasimodo; she was Esmeralda.
I was the frog; she was the princess.
She was Julia Roberts; I was Lyle Lovett.

( That had to be a pity marriage; I guess he felt sorry for her. Ba dum!)

Let’s get back to dear old P.H.S.
I was a good football player.
No brag; just fact.
When I was a sophomore, I played on the sophomore, J.V. and Varsity football teams.
I also won the “Most Outstanding Sophomore” trophy for football.
Why was I good at football?
“Charlyn Wilcox!”

Starting at the age of nine, I played football with the “big” kids on a vacant lot.
The vacant lot was right next to a “certain girl’s” house.
Guess who?
Correctamundo!
Charlyn.
That cute little blondie would sit out on her front porch and watch us play.
 This was a dream come true!

The age range of the neighborhood “kids” that played on that lot was from 9 to 21 and everyone was treated equally.
Nobody was given a “pass” because of their age.
I would get knocked on my butt just as hard as everyone else!
However, that was the “beauty” part.
I could show off for Charlyn by outplaying the “big” kids.

When they let me run the ball, I kept thinking; “Charlyn’s watching me, Charlyn’s watching me!
When I tackled a 240 pound, 20 year old “kid”, I thought to myself;  “ Charlyn’s watching me, Charlyn’s watching me!

Now, I don’t know if she was ever REALLY watching me, because I was always too dazed to see her clearly, after the crushing contact with a “big” kid the size of a small school bus.
But in my imagination she saw every move I made and her sweet little heart yearned to kiss me.
( Her heart yearned to kiss me? Remember, I suffered multiple concussions.)

So, here is the point. 
Hey! I remember the point! 
Cool!
The more I showed off for Charlyn, the better I became at football, and basically everything else in my formative years.
( For your information; my formative years were from 1950 to 1969.)
In my fantasy world she secretly loved me and kept tabs on everything I did.

Oh, wow!
I almost forgot one of the most exhilarating experiences of my whole “stupid” life!
From tom to tom, we would be forced to square dance at St. Ann Elementary. ( By the way. It wasn’t a catholic school...the town was St. Ann.)
The initial process was both terrifying and humiliating.

The girls would line up on one side of the gym and the boys would line up on the other side.
When the teacher gave the “word”, the boys had to walk across the gym floor and choose the girl they wanted to dance with.

The cool confident boys would rush right over and grab the most beautiful girls as dance partners.
This included Charlyn, of course.
The shy, “ugly duckling” boys would just stand around until the teacher put them together with a shy “ugly duckling” girl. 
I really didn’t mind being with a U.D. girl because I was a U.D. too and this was SQUARE DANCING.
If you have never square danced, let me fill you in on some of the finer details.
You don’t just dance with your partner.
No, no.
You get to dance with ALL the girls.
Including the lovely and ravishing Charlyn Wilcox!
Maybe these old square dance “calls” will clarify what I’m trying to say.

Oh Johnny,Oh
You all join hands and you circle the ring, 
Stop where you are, give your partner a swing,
You swing that girl behind you,
( Maybe Charlyn!)
You swing your own, 
If you have time when the music’s through.

You alamand left with your corner girl,
(Who could very well be Charlyn!)
You do-si-do your own.

Then you all prominade with your sweet corner maid,
(Possibly sweet Charlyn!)
Singing Oh Johnny, Oh Johnny, Oh.

Here’s another classic square dance “call”:

You alamand left with your old left hand,
Partner right, go right and left grand,
You right and left till you meet your maid,
And take her by the hand and prominade, 
You prominade two, four, six, eight,
You prominade to the garden gate.

O.K. When I was right and left granding with ALL the girls I had the rapturous moment of touching Charlyn’s soft tiny hand.
I absolutely cannot adequately describe the thrill I felt when God allowed me to touch Charlyn’s childlike fingers.
( Oh, that’s right. She was a child at the time.)
OBSESSIVE? 
No! No way!
You would have felt the same way if you had gazed upon Charlyn’s adorable, angelic face.

THOUGHTFUL THURSDAYS

Lately I feel like I've been getting away from the true meaning of  Thoughtful Thursdays.

It was originally designed to calm the spirit of the agitated, sooth the twisted nerves of the nervous, make dejected, rejected folks feel they are truly loved.

That's why I always wrote Thoughtful Thursdays in soft, non-threatening colors, and used words like, calm, soothing, peaceful, love, and soft.

As I walked our adorable Yorkie (Benji) last evening the weather was so perfect.

Balmy is the word I would use, if I knew what it meant.

However, I DO know that balmy means crazy in the U.K., but the weather was nowhere near crazy at all.

In fact, the soft, warm, soothing breeze, calmed my agitated spirit, and brought a feeling of love and peace into my dilapidated old heart.

The scent of the spring flowers filled my nostrils as fragrantly and gently as a bunch of really old lady hippies shuffling into a James Taylor concert on a Tuesday afternoon.

Benji turned his head around and looked at me ever so sweetly, as if to say, "man, you're SLOW!"

My mind drifted back to my childhood... playing baseball, wrestling with my buddies, going swimming, watching the cute girls walk by, coming to realize I am from another planet.

Great memories, indeed!

You may fondly recall how I would usually try to include a mellow, yet, uplifting song to relax your weary soul, as if you were a savage beast about to eat me alive, and I played music that made you get up on your hind legs and dance around like a ballerina!

Here is a sweet, relaxing song to conclude this virgin of Thoughtful Thursdays...

Because... by Lennon...McCartney