I loved playing with them, because they would roll up into a little ball, as a defense mechanism, when I messed with them, and I could roll them around.
I never hurt them. They were WAY too cool, and cute!
I was both terrified and fascinated by the Praying Mantis bug when I was a tot. (I guess I still am, a bit)
They look like the "Alien" creature in the movie "Alien."
They can swivel their horrible head around, catch an unsuspecting insect, and eat him, raw! Ewwww!
Praying Manticus-Grossicus
I also liked the fact that my name sounded a lot like Mantis! Mantis...Maness...Mantis...Maness...See?
The St. Louis Cardinal's baseball pitcher with the same exact spelling of his last name, pronounces it wrong! He pronounces it May-ness, when it should be pronounced Man-ness, man, man, man...not may...may...may! The silly goose!
I lost my train of thought. Maybe I just got off track.
Uh, let's see, BUGS...that's the ticket, BUGS!
I'm not saying I love cockroaches, but I respect and admire them.
I guess they've been around for about a billion years, give or take a few million, and scientists say they would probably survive a nuclear attack!
That's pretty tough!
I need to tell you my favorite, and most uncomfortable cockroach story!
I was an Orkin Man for a while.
Now you're probably thinking, how could you love bugs and be an Orkin Man? Hmm?
I needed the money!
Anyway, we went into a food establishment in the middle of the night to "fog" the place for cockroaches.
What food establishment?
I'm not gonna tell you, but it's initials rhyme with Jay-Teff-B.
So, we put on our gas masks, turn on the fogger in the kitchen area, and watch what happens.
Warning this next part may be too terrifying for children and buggaphobes, so be forewarned to the maximum degree!
After about 10 minutes we begin to see a couple of "German cockroaches"...
(you know, with those little German helmets that had the spike on top...just kidding)
They slowly start crawling out from cracks and crevices all over the kitchen.
They creep out from under boxes, from behind the baseboard, from cracks in the floor, the spaces between the ovens and cabinets.
First one, then two, ten, twenty, 100, 500...from floor level, and then they begin crawling up the walls... by the hundreds!
This was starting to get a little unsettling, but it was not totally horrifying until they started creeping across the ceiling, and then dropping down on US!!
We had on our jump suits, gas masks, helmets (not the ones with the spikes), but it was still frightening to think some of them might be crawling down the back of my neck!! EWWWW!
I took one of the longest showers I've ever taken, after that unforgettable, traumatic experience!!
Being called before the Supreme Glirkheads was not what Gary was expecting at zixxy clock in the morgatronn.
From many past encounters with them, he knew it could only be one of two things, he was in trouble, or they wanted something. He racked his brain trying to think of what may have gotten him into trouble this time.
Could it have been that incident on Glyz, where he flew his "zoomer" into the Harem of Hoojees by accident?
The maidens didn't seem to mind, but Hoojees had a bruised sense of propriety.
Or was it last Gliday, when he caused a slight ruckus at the Glirkazoid History Museum, by standing on an antique "Truckazon" table and singing The Sweet Hot Hoochiecoo at the top of his lungs.
Gary pondered what it might be, as he walked into the sacred courtyard of Gi- Gaalon, where the Supreme Glirkheads have held court, made decisions for the peace and security of the planet Glirka, and hosted rock concerts for billions of years.
The unmistakable pillars of Shak that towered over him high into the blue morning sky were still a sight to behold.
The Squares of Poth that played lovely music when he stepped upon each square, as they sprayed the air with perfumed, awe inspiring, multi-colored lights made Gary's walk to the High Chamber a bit more pleasant.
Gary got a brief cold chill at the back of his "negt" when the entrance to the High Chamber came in view.
It looked like the entrance to a massive cave and had these unforgettable words carved in stone above the opening:
ALL WHO ENTER THE HIGH CHAMBER OF JUSTICE (THAT LOOKS KIND OF LIKE A BIG CAVE), PEACE, ROCK CONCERTS, AND ALL KINDS OF IMPORTANT STUFF, BE MADE KNOWN THAT CHEWING GUM IS PROHIBITED AND NO SHOES, NO SHIRT, NO SERVICE!
THANK YOU
HAVE A NICE DAALAZORB
What was gonna happen to Gary the Glirkazoid?
Was he in serious trouble?
Why was this blog post called "Glirkazoid Guts?"
Find out next Wednesday, when you tune in to "Out Of This World Wednesday" for episode 2 of
Have you experienced road rage directed towards you lately?
On the other hand, have you displayed road rage towards another driver in recent days?
Road rage is nothing more than a temper tantrum.
If things aren't going exactly the way we want , whilst driving our car in this 21st century, in which we are all spoiled brats, we have a conniption fit:
conniption fit
Web definitions
A tantrum is an emotional outburst that is typically characterized by stubbornness, crying, screaming, defiance, angry ranting and a...
realizing you voted for the biggest idiot in the universe for President,
our spouse getting on us about everything, is the real reason for road rage...not because of a little error in judgement by another driver.
Have you ever had someone pull out in
front of you, and you lay on the horn,
shake your fist, and start cussing at the
driver, only to find out it's the Pastor's
wife?
That's kind of embarrassing, ain't it?
Back in ancient times, in the 1950's, folks had to suffer 90 degree plus temperatures, driving in their cars with NO air conditioning, sweat running in their eyes, dirt, dust and debris coming in the opened windows, and people had a lot less road rage in spite of all the discomfort.
All I know is I'm tired of people yelling at me when I make a minor traffic faux pas that I wasn't even aware of at the time! That minor bumping of the car in front of me in the McDonald's drive through line was not serious enough for that woman to have such a conniption fit! (See above)
I need to apologize for being so late with Maness Music Monday!
I keep running out of tom, lately!
I didn't want to skip a day because you are the greatest Glirkazoids in the whole wide worm, and I know you couldn't live without My Life Is Only For Laughs blog! HA!
This is a cover of one of my favorite all tom, songs!
Sunday, June 30, 2013
ST. LOUIS SUNDAY
My dads father was a minister in a Pilgrim Holiness Church, but my dad seldom took us to church at all.
I really never knew why.
Maybe he didn't like all of the restrictions in that church.
No smoking, drinking adult beverages, or dancing; woman were forbidden to wear makeup, and they had to wear long dresses, pants were not allowed on women (uh, I mean, umm, they could only wear dresses), no cursing (that left dad out, for sure), and frankly, not much of anything that was fun, according to our family values.
I was a baby when my grandpa died, so I don't remember him at all, but my dad's brother took over the church and dad still only took us on Christmas and Easter, except for a few times a family member talked him into it.
That was disappointing to me, because I LOVED going to church!
I loved everything about it!
I loved putting on my little suit, people smiling and shaking hands with me, the smell of Murphy's Oil Soap on the beautiful shiny wooden pews, the music, the AWESOME BIBLE STORIES!
It was the bible stories that I loved the best!
Let's talk about that in a minute.
First, I want to tell you about how I felt when I went to church.
I felt clean...I felt warm and fuzzy...I felt like I was doing something good and worthwhile...I felt righteous...I felt like like my life had meaning...
Not my family, but you get the idea.
I have some additional feelings when I go to church now... I feel humbled...thankful...
undeserving...blessed...encouraged...
srengthened...and loved.
I never had any doubts about the truth of the bible that stirred my little heart and soul with such magnificent stories about Moses, David, Daniel, and Jesus.
Today I still thrill at the true life accounts of folks who were exactly like you and me!
I'm not alone!
"The Bible" mini series was one of the most watched TV series of all time! It did a brilliant job of telling the stories of these ancient people in a simple, unadulterated way, the way the bible was meant to be taught.
My mom, was not that interested in going to church either.
She never hesitated about going to church when dad was willing, but she was a free spirit that did not appreciate the self righteousness of many church goers she knew.
Mom was honest, straight forward and did not suffer hypocrites very well.
She knew what the bible said, and taught us the truth through word and deed.
She would welcome the homeless to our door (but never let them in), and always give them some food and coffee.
If we ever made the mistake of making a bigoted racial comment, she would say,"how do you know that God is not black, or brown.."whatever fit the circumstances.
She was way too loving, kind, generous, honest, fair, and unhypocritical to fit in with most churches, anyway.
Nothing against churches, like I said, I love going to church, but I believe mom and dad have a special place in heaven that is reserved for REAL, SIMPLE, GOOD CHRISTIANS, who love to dance.
