Today Was Like I Love Lucy

Remember the "I Love Lucy" show that was so popular back in the 1950's?  Sure you do! 

If you don't remember it "first hand" then I'm POSITIVE you've seen the re-runs! 

Anyway, we all know how Lucy wants to break into "show biz" and will do ANYTHING to make that happen, right?

Well, it so happens that that's the story of MY life, as well. (that that's?..is that the King's English?)

From being in school musicals, to church pageants, or joining rock bands, going to Nashville, or even writing books, I've wanted to be part of the entertainment world!

SHOWBIZ!!!

Today I found the perfect opportunity to worm my way on to Peoria's famous radio show...THE GREG AND DAN SHOW...and be a part of what, gang?

SHOWBIZ!!!

That's the ticket!!

So here is the scenario, with a bit of irony, unexpected circumstances, dumb luck, and deft manipulation thrown in. 

Donna had won tickets for the Kenny G. concert  and sent me to pick them up.

Guess where? 

You got it! On the 12th floor of the building where Greg and Dan do their fabulous show from the...guess where? You got it again! The 12th floor! (I forgot the name of the building, but it's in downtown Peoria) No matter.

Now here is the  Twilight Zone part. Cue Twilight Zone music, please.

On my way to the Gary Uftring Studio, where the Greg and Dan Show is broadcast to tens of thousands of rabid listeners, they announce that Charley Steiner, the world famous broadcaster, is stuck in traffic and probably wouldn't make it to the studio on time for his interview! 

Charles Harris Steiner (born July 17, 1949) is an American sportscaster and broadcast journalist. He is currently the radio play-by-play announcer for the Major League Baseball's Los Angeles Dodgers, paired with Rick Monday.

Here was MY big chance! I WAS going to get to the station on time, announce that I would fill in for old Charley, and Greg and Dan would be thrilled to death that their olde friend "Danny Boy" was here to save the day!!

I am far from being a sports expert, but I could "wing it" like I always do when they have me on...and it really doesn't matter, because GREG AND DAN "wing it" every day themselves!

As I parked the car at the parking meter...guess what happened? 

No! You're wrong this time! I actually had change for the meter! Another strange oddity! 

When I entered the lobby of the unnamed building, one elevator car was broke down and I started to wonder if ANY of the cars were working. As I heard another elevator car come down, it was squeaking like a banshee in a bear trap and I prayed I'd make it to the 12th floor before the show was over! 

Guess what? (Long pause)..........................................

I made it to the top! Excelsior!! To steal a phrase from The Geek Show and Stan Lee.

At this moment in time I am REALLY psyched! 

EVERYTHING has come together perfectly for me to appear on my favorite radio show, and be in SHOWBIZ  once again!!

At that precise moment I see the talented and lovely, Dan Diorio, walk out from the secret studio area for coffee, I believe, and I cry out, "Dan, do you guys need me to fill in for Charley Steiner?" (I was certain they did, because just a few seconds ago, Greg mentioned he was STILL snarled in traffic!)

With all of my lifelong hopes and dreams on the line, I heard Dan say, "No, it's okay, we've got Charley on the phone."

Hey...folks...I'm okay..sniff...that's showbiz for ya...sniff...no tears for me, you betcha...

      I'm really fine! No need to cry about it.

Gee Willikers! Short Blog Today! 

I've been having some problems with the technical part of my blog today, and I've, basically, run out of time to write this for YOU, my adoring readers! Or should I say adorable readers! Awww!

Maybe too young for my dysfunctinal blog, right?

I think I've finally made the precise adjustments and calculations to launch my worms, I mean WORDS, on to the unsuspecting public, who are absolutely NOT on the same level as my consistent, devoted, unstable readers, that are so adorable I can hardly stand it!

Wrong GIF...SORRY! This was supposed to be adorable, unstable readers!

Anywho, my next blog posting will be much longer, and may even make some sense...yeah...NON-sense!

I had to post SOMETHING today, because I knew you guys were just itchin' for some levity, in the face of wildfires, wandering immigrants, woes from wote fraud, VOTE fraud, and the passing of Stan Lee. 

So, until next time, arrivederci, Au revoir, auf wiedersehen, after while, crocodile, not too soon, you big baboon, adiós, and Feliz Navidad!

45, 085 Have Viewed My Blog

Don't Believe Me? Check It Out!

Simply scroll down the left side of the page to a place that says TOTAL PAGE VIEWS and voi·​là...you'll see 45, o85!

Sample size.

Probably MORE by now, but, as you know, I'm not one to brag (unlike some historical figures), even though my blog is entitled braggadocious...I mean, Bloggadocious.

Here is an important point to remember, folks! It does NOT say my blog is viewed by humans alone, does it? If you take into account dogs and cats, sitting on laps (hey, that almost rhymes), A.I. robots, dust mites, and extra-terrestrials, it makes all the sense in the whirl that I have so many pageviews!

Does this make you dizzy? It does me!

My nagging problem, besides my aching back, is this question.

If we can conclude that there are SOME humans reading my blog...let's estimate it at 2,222, WHY don't they write me?

You don't call, you don't Email, come knocking on my door, send a telegram, or NOTHING honey!

That's okay. I understand, completely. If I were an avid reader of a blog who's writer was plagued with MAJOR mental instabilities, I would be very leery about having ANY  contact on ANY level! 

Although, I do my very best to stay non-political, I just want to say that Nov. 6 is Tuesday! Or Tuesday is November 6th! Vote in the direction of your conscience, your heart, your educated guess, your cousin Eddie...Oh, I don't know...just vote for Trump...or Obama...or Hillary... and if them guys ain't runnin'...vote for ME!

ROCK AND ROLL REMINISCING

The first rock and roll song I remember is "Hound Dog", by Elvis Pretzel.  I was 6 years old.

I'm sure there were other rock and roll songs on the radio before 1956, but the first I remember is ....

🎶"You ain't nuthin' but a hound dogga, cryin' all the time"🎶...

The 3 reasons I liked the song are...

1. Elvis had a cool voice.

2. The song REALLY ROCKED!

3. I felt sorry for the poor dog, who was rejected, and un-friended, just because he was too slow to catch a speedy rabbit. 

C'mon! Give the old dog a break! 

"Rock Around The Clock", "Shake Rattle And Roll", and even "Tutti Frutti" came before "Hound Dog", but they must have not impressed me much, because the very FIRST rock-n-roll song that stuck in my little brain was "Hound Dog". (Am I becoming redundant about this "Hound Dog" thing?)

Moving on in history, I liked the Beach Boy scene. (a little California lingo for ya).  Groovy harmony, that made me want to surf, even though I lived in St. Louis, which had no surf, unless you count the gentle barge waves slapping up against the banks of the muddy Mississippi River. 

The Beatles don't count in my personal rock and roll history, because their rock and roll sounded quite different to me. More like a bloody bit-o-bloomin' skiffle, govner! 

Don't get me wrong. I LOVED the Fab Four, but I do not consider them pure rockin' rollers, like, uh, maybe...The Monkeys. Just kidding folks! How much of a dweeb do you think I am?

This much⬆

I dug Grand Funk Railroad, Mountain, the J. Geils Band, Edgar Winter, Black Sabbath...I mean, I literally dug these albums out of the dumpster behind Jerry Teeman's house, where his parents threw them away for being too "worldly"! 

Okay, Mr. and Mrs. Teeman weren't totally wrong.

After that STRANGE period in my life, I didn't listen to much rock and roll, until NOW!

At age 68 I'm in to grunge, post grunge, garage, post-punk revival, digital electric, rap rock, nu metal, post garage- nu metal - alternative - indie

- digital nuclear AND ....you guys know me better than that! Ha! Lawrence Welk is more my style, as long as they don't play the polkas too fast! 

See ya later! From an old rocker!!!

HALLOWEEN, THEN AND NOW
THEN WAS BETTER!

First.., leave us talk about NOW, okay?

1. Store bought costumes that cost a LARGE amount of moolah.

Actual cost...$677.67.

2. Parents fearful of taking their chitlins to houses where they don't know the inhabitants, intimately.

What are they so scared of?

3. Checking the gathered candy under a microscope to make sure there are no foreign objects embedded deep inside the nougat. (Just what is nougat, anyway?)

4. "Trunk or Treat" areas where the kidlets can safely obtain candy from the trunk of a certified, vetted, designated candy giver. 

NOT a designated candy giver on the right.

5. Many parents in to the Halloween celebration MORE than the youngsters, with costume parties, indulging in "liquid Halloween cheer"and running around like big silly folks with reckless abandon! 

Now we'll go back to Halloween in the fifties...which we will call..."THEN."

1. No, stinking, store bought costumes, except for maybe a mask. The challenge was to make homemade costumes from things around the house. 

       Okay...one oddball with a store bought costume.  

2. We went to ALL the houses in the neighborhood and beyond! With NO adults accompanying us, whatsoever! 

If we would have ever suspected some creepy adult trying to grab a tricker treater, we would have egged the perp to intensive care...and beyond!

3. We ate the candy too fast to check it. We were eating it as we trick or treated! You might think we were REALLY dumb back then, but actually we were.

4. The candy givers were NOT vetted, but they were verified talent scouts, I think, because they would force us little monsters to sing a song, or recite a poem, or tell a joke before they'd give us candy. Try that today, and the kids parents would sue you for malicious intimidation or SOMETHING! 

5. The parents did not get involved in Halloween back then, except for handing out the candy. Okay, a few crazy ones, like my mom, did...but she was hysterical! I'm not gonna tell you who she dressed up as, even though the statute of limitations has run out, I'm quite sure.

No such thing as political correctness back "then."

Our independent panel of unbiased old folks have come to the conclusion that "THEN" was better, when it comes to Halloween, however, I'm quite sure that the youth would vehemently disagree. 

Tell us what YOU think in the comments section below. Is Halloween better NOW or was it better THEN. Go ahead, it's Halloween...and the curse of the "horseless headsman" will be upon you if you don't! 

Call Me Mr. Fix It, Thanks To YouTube!

I am NOT a "handy" guy. I'm not the guy that can fix stuff, or build stuff, or install stuff, or nothing! 

It all began as a child. When the other kidlings were putting together Lincoln Logs, Erector Sets, and those plastic blocky things that stick together...uh, what are they called... umm...LEGOS ...that's it...LEGOS...or is it, LEGO'S...no matter, I was TERRIBLE at it, and it's pretty bad when I can't even remember what Legos are called! 

1932

The Lego Group began in the workshop of Ole Kirk Christiansen (1891–1958), a carpenter from Billund, Denmark, who began making wooden toys in 1932. In1934, his company came to be called "Lego", derived from the Danish phrase leg godt, which means "play well". In 1947, Lego expanded to begin producing plastic toys.

Then came arts and crafts in elementary school. I flopped out at everything. Especially the crafts! 

My clay projects ended up as ashtrays for my mom and dad, as well as my metal projects, and even my wood projects , which would have been quite dangerous if mom and dad had actually used my flammable wooden ashtrays.

 In fact, mom and dad didn't use ANY of my projects. They were WAY to ugly for the interior of a home in the 1950's. Even for Pall Mall butts! By the way, smoking was VERY popular in the "fifties",  before it caused cancer. 

The only reason I passed Shop Class in high school is because they wanted me to leave before I killed someone with a recklessly handled power tool. 

So what is the point of me sharing my tales of ineptitude with you lovely readers? 

Well, here's the point...Now, I'm Mister Fix It! 

Surprise!!

This ain't Mister Fix It...this is Mr. Green Jeans...but he must have fixed stuff for Capt. Kangaroo. 

Why? You ask so National Enquiringly. 

YouTube has helped me be the handyman I've always wanted to be!

You see, I have always been too dumb to follow written or even verbal directions, but if I can WATCH somebody doing something, and replay it, over and over again, I can eventually get it! Yaaay!! 

The "how to" videos on YouTube have enabled me to do marvelous, miraculous, HANDY things I would have never even attempted before!!

Just this morn' I replaced a heating element in our Hotpoint oven, and all the credit goes to Dylan, in this video below...

Thanks, Dylan, you helped me immeasurably!

Another time I had a burned out tail light on my car and I was thinking about prying off the light cover on the OUTSIDE to get to the stinking bulb! That HAD to be the ONLY WAY! Right? 

Thank goodness, I checked a YouTube, "how to" video and learned that you replace the bulb from INSIDE the TRUNK! Whoda thunk THAT? 

I could go on and on, but you would be even more bored than you are right now. 

In conclusion, if you hear someone refer to me as Mister Fix It, you'll know why, however, that's probably not gonna happen, because I, pretty much, stay to myself, except for church, and I'm not one to brag about my accomplishments anyway...