CHICKENS' BUTTS

                      AND COCONUTS

by Danny Maness

So, anyway, Mom said, (very slowly) “Come Danny, hold

out your hand.” Expecting the nicest surprise ever, I did

what I was told. 

Mom said, (very slowly and eerily) “Close

your eyes.” I did so in my youthful innocence. I felt her put

something in my hand. A kitty? A puppy? 

In a sweet, singsong way, Mom said, “Open your eyes.” I opened my eyes.

I did not find the wonderful, beautiful surprise my childish

heart yearned for so eagerly. Instead, I saw in my tiny,

virgin palm, an ugly, awful, slime covered, raw chicken’s butt!

(Psycho music again). I am told I was found in an alley ten

blocks away muttering something about the Little Red Hen,

Donner Pass and proctology. (Funny thing, my Mom pulled

that chicken’s butt thing on me about two dozen times after

that, and I started to enjoy it. Kind of like the way we

enjoyed terrifying movies as kids. Did you ever want to turn

off a horror flick on T.V. when you were a tot, but were

afraid to get close to the set? I know, I know. We didn’t

have a remote in those days. Thanks for reminding me of my

advanced years.)