WHO NAMED DAT CHURCH,BROTHER?

For a brief portion of my life I made frequent trips to the south side of Chicago for reasons that must remain closely guarded until I assume room temperature.

It didn't take long to notice that the churches seemed to be trying to outdo each other. 

I got the impression they believed the longest, most complicated name equaled the best church.

Before I got the the south side, while driving through the beautiful suburbs of Chicago, the churches had normal names (not Normal Illinois)like The Church Of God, 1st Baptist, 2nd Baptist(why would anyone want to go to 2nd Baptist,or even worse,3rd Baptist, isn't that like 2nd and 3rd place?),Saint Paul Church, Saint John Church; simple names, like Melvin,

Yes, this is a real church!

However, as I entered the south side, it was a whole nuther story! 

At first, it was not too bad;

THE CHURCH OF THE LORD JESUS CHRIST

but the next would be

THE CHURCH OF THE LORD JESUS CHRIST AND THE HOLY ANGELS

And then

THE CHURCH OF THE LORD JESUS CHRIST AND THE HOLY ANGELS UPON MOUNT ZION

Not actual picture of the south side church.

And then

THE CHURCH OF THE LORD JESUS CHRIST AND THE HOLY ANGELS UPON MOUNT ZION TABERNACLE

Not actual photo of south side Chicago church.

And then they changed a up a bit 

THE TRINITY CHURCH OF THE SEPULCHER AND APOSTLES IN HEAVEN WITH JAZZ MUSIC NIGHTLY,  OPEN BAR, AND NO COVER CHARGE IN DIVINE WORSHIP TO THE MIGHTY SOVEREIGN OF THE UNIVERSE

CHURCH OF THE SEPULCHER?

Well, the church down the block wouldn't be outdone

THE AWESOME POWERFUL GOD IN CHRIST  SANCTUARY OF ABRAHAM, MOSES, AND THE PROPHETS OF OLD CHURCH OF HOLINESS,PEACE AND EXOTIC DANCING TO A BIG BAND BEAT WITH FREE PARKING ON HIGH,IN OUR FIVE STORY PARKING DECK, WITH COUPONS FOR HALF PRICE ON A DELUXE CAR WASH AND IN CHAPEL WEDDINGS AND FUNERALS AVAILABLE 24/7 RIGHTEOUS CATHEDRAL MEMORIAL TEMPLE

I guess no one could beat that, huh?

WRONGO, BIBLE BRAIN!!!

THE FAR OUT GROOVY HIPPY UNIVERSALIST UNITARIAN MOSQUE/TEMPLE/CHURCH OF FREE WILL AND ANYTHING GOES IF IT FEELS GOOD MONASTERY OF ALLAH/JESUS/BUDDAH/ALFRED E. NEWMAN,OF PINK FLOYDIAN  EXTRATERRESTRIAL ORIGINS WHICH INCLUDES GLORIOUS MUSHROOMS AND WACKY TUBAKKI TRANCENDENTAL MEDITATION OF THE THIRD KIND WHERE DRINKS ARE ALWAYS SERVED AT THE STEEPLE LOUNGE AFTER MIDNIGHT AND PYRO-TECHNICAL DISPLAYS ARE SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUSTED AT OUR DISCRETION, LORD ALMIGHTY!!

I may have exaggerated a wee bit, but not much!