TRAVELIN' TUESDAYS

Another thrilling episode of TRAVELIN' TUESDAYS... ripped off from my seldom read, frequently cursed at book...Hitchin'...God's Way Of Letting You Know You Don't Have A Car by Danny Maness!!! 

YAY!

Did you notice the subliminally placed words on the rocks, bottom right?

ROCKY MOUNTAIN HI!

(Cue the Rocky Mountain High song by John Denver)
(Opening scene: Me, stumbling up and down the “Rockies“) 
Wouldn't it be cool to play the "Rocky Mountain High" song while you read this blog posting? Sure it would!!

Readers: Hey, Danny!

Me: Wha?

Readers: We thought you were going to tell us all of the ins and outs, backwards and forwards... you know, all the secret details of hitchin'. But noooooooo, the Glirkazoids keep beamin’ you from here to there!
What gives?
We think your book is a ripoff!

(Readers begin chanting)
Your book is a ripoff! Your book is a ripoff!! YOUR BOOK IS A RIPOFF!!! Someone yells, “What do we want?” The crowd replies, “ Info on hitchin!" The same dude yells, “When do we want it?” The crowd replies, “NOW!”

And as you already know, you keep repeating the stupid chant over and over again. Fruitballs!

Me: Whoa, brothers and sisters!
Being transported by Glirkazoids, hither and thither across the old U.S. of A. in the 60’s and early 70’s was all a part of hitchin’!
Just ask any  ex-hippy and he or she will tell you how many times he or she found him or herself in strange and diverse places without any idea of how he or she got there!

Soooo, lets get back to the cockadoodie story, shall we?
The part before where I was so rudely  interrupted.

I find myself surrounded by gargantuan, beautific, snow capped mountains, and I’m a-walkin’ and a-singin’ a song.

I love to go a-wandering, Along the mountain track, 
And as I go I love to sing, My knapsack on my back,
Valderie, Valderah, Valderah, 
Valderah ha ha ha (ha ha ha ha)

Wow! What da heck was dat?
I yelled out, “Hi” and the mountain echoed back, HI, Hi, hi, hi, hi!
I said, “What a cool echo” and the mountain said, WHAT A COOL ECHO, WHAT A COOL ECHO, what a cool echo, what a cool echo!
“I love this”; I LOVE THIS, I LOVE THIS, I love this, I love this!

After that AWESOME, AMAZING  experience, I always tried to find places that had the best echoes.
I would stand in a canyon or maybe a boxed canyon, or on a butte; Oh, I don’t know, I could never get those geographical terms straight. A ridge? How about a plateau? No, I think it was usually a canyon.
Anyway, I would stand in or on some geographical feature and say this  word at the top of my lungs; “HIIIIIIIIIIIII!”

HIIIIIIIIIIIII!

Sometimes I’d only get one or two hi’s back, but ofttimes I would get 5 or 6!

I call this the “Rocky Mountain HI, Phenomenon.”

Colorado was way far different than San Francisco.
In Colorado, everyone looked rugged and hearty and had big bushy beards that made them look like grizzly bears. Even the women!

Just kidding. ( However, the girls did smell like leather and would pee wherever they wanted, and didn’t care who was watching.)

Let me carry you back to the pine scented bigness of Colorado in the 60’s and early 70’s, if you will?

Oh, my, the ultra fresh air permeated my being, and lifted my soul and spirit to the point where I felt as if I was floating up, up, up, higher and higher above the boxed canyons, buttes, ridges, and plateaus. Higher than the snow capped peaks of them ancient hills where I could get an excellent, unobstructed view of the lush and healthy flora and fauna below, and where I could, definitely see girls peeing, right out in the open! ( I don’t know; something about that seemed weird to me.)

Do you know what was really cool?
I’ll tell you what was really cool!

Streams of fresh, pure, sparkling, unadulterated water ran all over the place in Colorado, and most of it was drinkable! ( I wonder if it’s still like that today?)


Well, guys and gals; you know how much I love water, from your close reading of the “More Beer For Pattonville High” chapter. So this was marvelous! ( By the way; you look marvelous today! Simply marvelous!)

I would camp by a lovely stream where I had fresh, pure running water to drink and bathe in; also to wash my filthy clothes and discard the guts of any fish or small animals I caught for food. In addition, if I found any empty gasoline or oil cans, I would rinse them out in the stream and use them for containers. (I wonder if those streams are as clean and pure as they used to be?)

Come on gang! You didn’t really believe all that crap, did ya?

No, No! The part about catching small animals for food was made up.

In fact, I love animules, and it didn’t take long before the deer, raccoon, lions, tigers, bears, lizards, coyotes, and armadillos would come right up to me!

I felt like Snow White or Betty White; same difference.

What’s that?
You don’t believe me?
Man, you just hurt my wittle feelings.
There ARE lions and tigers in Colorado.
What about mountain lions, huh?
Doesn’t Colorado have zoos? You bet it does, pilgrim.
Maybe the lions and tigers escaped from the zoo and found me because they sensed I was an animal lover and wouldn’t hurt them. So there!

Armadillos aren’t native to Colorado? 
Uh, um, O.K. I’ve got it! 
What if an armadillo crawled into someone's sleeping bag in Texas and the person didn’t notice. 
Are you following me on this?
Sooooo, they pick up the sleeping bag with the armadillo inside and throw it in to their pickup truck and drive to Colorado.
Upon arriving in Colorado, the armadillo jumps out.

Any more questions? I thought not! ( For your information; A couple of Nine Banded Armadillos were spotted in eastern Colorado recently.) (I found that on the enter-knet.)

Ain't he cute?!

Well, well,well! So much to say about Colorado and so little Tom. ( Tom Cruise, for example.)
Sooooo, I’m a-walkin’ down. Down, down, down Loveland Pass, or maybe The Garden of The Gods; Oh, I don’t know, but it was breast-taking!
(Cue music)

He was bored in the summer of his 27th year,
Goin’ home, headin’ for King Kong,
He left Saturday behind him,
You might say he’s bored again,
You might say he lost the words to this song.

But it’s a Colorado Rocky Mountain bye bye………….

( Now, this time the camera starts out with a real close up of my face and starts backing away farther and farther until you can see the magnificent mountains, trees, rocks, clouds, and there I am, just teeny tiny in the middle of this paradisiacal scene doing the cool echo thing for the last time with all my might.)

Bye! Bye, BYE, Bye,Bye, Bye.


Joni! Joni, Joni, Joni,Joni,Joni.


Mitchell... Mitchell, Mitchell, Mitchell, Mitchell, Mitchell, Mitchell.


Richie Havens... Richie Havens, Richie Havens, Richie Havens, Richie Havens, Richie Havens, Richie Havens.


Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilacavolcanoconiosis... Smartass, Smartass,Smartass,Smartass, Smartass, Smartass.

After that, I sat on a rock and shut up. Wouldn’t you?