OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY

When we last left our hero Gary (the Glirkazoid), he was about to endure the first of the 5 tests of the Gruesome Glirkazoid Gauntlet! 

The first test is to ride a pink bike across the Gland Canyon, on a narrow rope, blindfolded, in gale force winds, singing the Glirkazoid classic song, "Sweet Yellow Rose!" 

Only the pure of heart are able to conquer the Gauntlet, and Gary's heart was really, really pure...but a little skill and coordination was also needed, which Gary was woefully lacking in.

Dramatic music begins to play!

You have to listen to this to be capture the suspense!

The servants of the Supreme Counsel place Gary on the pink bike...they blindfold Gary with a black blindfold...then they lead him over to the narrow rope that is spanning the deepest part of the Gland Canyon...dramatic music gets louder (isn't this getting exciting)...gale force winds are blowing across the canyon when the front tire touches the wildly swaying rope!

Gary is really not afraid for his life, his fear is that his peers will view him as not being pure of heart if he fails.

Gary boldly pedals out on the whipping, undulating rope!

The spectators are certain Gary does not have a "snowball's chance in THE BIG HIBACHI" of making it across. 

Our beloved Gary is trying his level best to keep the bike on the rope while blindfolded, riding against the wind...but he is about to give up...and now he begins to sing the required "Sweet Yellow Rose Song!"

He gets to the part that says, "who is there to pick me up, when I'm lower than a worm, who puts a smile upon my face, and makes my backbone firm...

Gary stops slipping off the rope now!

Then he sings the part that says, "I'd love to stand tall on my own, do it all myself alone, but I'm way to weak for being strong, living in the "shadow zone"...

It's you I need to make things right, to free me from my fears, my super hero, shining knight, who wipes away my tears...

Gary understands why he feels such strength and courage now... YELLOW ROSE! This song is about the helper of all Glirkazoids...YELLOW ROSE!

Who has devoted her life to encouraging and giving help and comfort to ALL Glirkazoids! 

God knew that I needed help, and HE sent you as a blessing, to calm my spirit fill this void, and keep my mind from stressing...

Yellow Rose is not God or anything, but a dear sweet Glirkazoid who just has the God given super powers to come to the aid of any poor Glirkazoid in need!

By the time Gary was finished with the song, he was across the Gland Canyon, without even realizing it!

Thanks to the cool, Yellow Rose, with her God given super powers!

Whew! I'm glad that's over with! 

I was worried for Gary! Weren't you?

However, that was only the first step to gaining entrance to the Supreme Counsel!

The second step of the Gruesome Glirkazoid Gauntlet is too scary to even mention until next week!

Stay tuned!

TRAVELIN' TUESDAY

It's Travelin' Tuesday, 

So let me begin,

To tell you my story 'bout travelin',

I was born in St. Louis,

By God's good graces,

But I wanted to travel to different places.

By train or plane,

Or boat or car,

Travelin' fast and travelin' far,

I wanted to see,

What the world was like,

Even if I had to ride my bike!

My first big trip,

Was to Tacoma, it was raining,

Too bad it was for basic training,

I traveled to Boulder,

For some things I lusted,

I fried my brain, and nearly got busted.

I hitchhiked across America,

Boy, that was dumb,

Let me hear a DUH,

I met diverse people,

And it was fun,

Until I got that ride from the dude with a gun,

He didn't kill me,

As you can see,

But it took me awhile to clean up my pee.

Me and my buddy,

Thought it would be great,

To go to Florida for spring break,

Ft. Lauderdale was groovy,

The girls were chummy,

But my car broke down, and we were out of money,

We made it back,

'Cause a dude took us in,

And fixed the car with a safety pin.

(True story)

The Grand Canyon was awesome,

But here's the sad tale,

Where I almost "bought it" on Bright Angel Trail,

The mules were a-coming,

There wasn't much room,

Got too close to the edge,

And went down with a boom.

 However, twas only a few feet I'd drop,

How happy I was, when I fell on that rock.

So watch what you wish for,

It's nice to roam,

Travelin's fun,

But it's safer at home!

BURMA SHAVE

MANESS MUSIC MONDAY

I just released my new, old song on YouTube that I wrote about 42 years ago.

I promised I would tell the true meaning to the song in my blog... so here it is!

I went to Arizona...means, I went to Arizona... circa 1970!

And all along the way, I thought about some people there...means, as I was driving there, I thought about my friends who I was going to move in with...Ryan and Joanne Aurand.

I met Ryan in the Army, and he was the greatest singer I'd ever heard, taught me to play the guitar better than I ever thought I could, and became a very close friend, along with his wife Joanne.

They felt so far away...means, it seemed like it took forever to drive from St. Louis to Phoenix, Arizona in that Drive-A-Way car! 

Do you remember the Drive-A-Way business?

Here is how it worked, this girl flew from St. Louis to Stanford University, and then wanted her car.

Her parents paid to have the car driven there by me, but I paid for the gas.

I then flew from San Francisco to Phoenix to join my friends.

 Simple as that!

Enough of that. Let's get back to the classic song.

I went to California, I ran into some rain...means, after living with my friends for awhile, I got itchy feet, and decided to hitchhike to California to become fay-moose, and it didn't work out according to my plan. (Rain symbolizes disappointment, rejection,

and various difficult circumstances.)

I haven't been there since the storm, and I won't go back again...means, I wasn't going to go back to California, but I eventually did, anyway, to visit my sister.

Fireman's in the station, the doctor's on the street, the singer's in the factory without a bite to eat...means the fireman and doctor are where they should be, at the fire station, and in the doctor's office on the street, however, a great singer, like Ryan, was working in a factory where he didn't belong, and not receiving a crumb of recognition for his talent!

The safety of your kindness, the love you know I'll keep, the beauty in your blindness, I'm hiding in my sleep...means, as I was leaving Arizona I wanted to tell my friends how their kindness made me feel safe and warm, I would keep the love for them in my heart, how beautiful it was that they were blind to my faults, and during my years of depression I would sleep a lot, to hide from the difficulties of the world.

The mountains all around me, they shadow all my fear, I leave the past behind me, I hope you lend an ear...means, there were literally mountains that were all around Phoenix, but my true fear was leaving the protection and support of my friends, and then I would soon feel that far away feeling again as I traveled to California.

This is the song I wrote years ago, to share my feelings with my friends!

ST. ST. LOUIS SUNDAYSUN

As I have mentioned in a previous blog posting, we hardly ever went to church when I was a kid.

So, that made Sunday a time of pure relaxation, family getting together, and reading the "funny papers" on the living room floor.

I loved spreading the newspaper on the floor and reading the "Funnies," even though they weren't that funny, apart from Peanuts.

Would someone please explain to me why Prince Valiant was in the "funny papers?"

That strip was sooo boring, not a bit funny, and never came to any conclusion!

Pogo was kind of cool, with an avant garde style that had a reckless abandon, and a delightful,whimsical feel about it.

Are you old enough to remember the Mary Worth "comic" strip? You have to be pretty ancient to have that one in your memory banks!

Anyway, another real snoozer, unless maybe you were an old maid spinster, that didn't have a radio or T.V...or books, or friends. Just cats!

Beetle Bailey could be funny at times, but I'm kind of sore at the creators of this comic strip!

They made it look like Army life was nothing but a bunch of goofing off, playing practical jokes on ole Sarge, and having loads of fun! So I joined up when I became of age!

I learned that Army life had absolutely no resemblance to the Beetle Bailey cartoon...on the first day of basic training!

As time went on, some of the greatest comic strips of all time came along, in my humble opinion.

The Far Side...which was not really a "strip," but all the hilarity was in one frame...and it was pure genius!

And perhaps my favorite comic strip of all time, that touched my heart, as well as my funny bone, was Calvin and Hobbes!

See what I mean!

SATURDAY MORNING POST

 ALIEN SPACESHIP LANDS ATOP THE 12TH FLOOR OF THE OLD JEFFERSON BUILDING IN PEORIA, ILLINOIS TO LISTEN TO GREG AND DAN SHOW'S NEW JAMAICAN JINGLE... AND EMULSIFICATE THEMSELVES FROM LAUGHTER

Don't ask what emulsificate means...you don't want to know!

INFAMOUS ANTHONY WIENER TIRED OF PEOPLE MAKING FUN OF HIS NAME, AND CHANGES IT TO PETER WINGDINGER

OBAMA DECIDES TO FINALLY BUILD A FENCE ALL ALONG THE MEXICAN BORDER...TO KEEP AMERICANS FROM FLEEING TO MEXICO

RUSSIAN'S WILL NOT 

HAND OVER EDWARD SNOWDEN 

FOR FEAR OF 

AMERICANS TORTURING HIM OR 

PUTTING HIM TO DEATH, WHEN 

THEY WOULD BE  PERFECTLY 

HAPPY TO DO THIS THEMSELVES

PUTIN...NOW THERE'S A GUY YOU CAN TRUST...NOT!!

Greg Batton...King Of Peoria...Super Cool Dude!

FAN FRIDAY

I saw my friend, Greg Batton, at "Jac's Doghouse" bar (he was giving away free Cardinals tickets, so I needed to be there), in Pekin Illinois, just about an hour and twenty minutes ago. 

He was doing a remote broadcast from the place, like he has done at many places in the Peoria area many times, for years.

He is a local celebrity, as he hosts a daily morning radio show (The Greg and Dan Show) that is very popular.

He often does these remote broadcasts from various businesses in the area that include bars, home improvement places, and even a meat shop!

What always impresses me about Greg is that he never gives the impression he doesn't want to be there.

He is a true professional in every sense of the word.

He is always on time, friendly to everybody, takes time to listen to my bad jokes, and just plain, for real, nice!

Remember the song, "King Of Kansas City?" Well, listen to it now, okay?

Well, Greg Batton is in the exact same situation as the dude in this song, except Greg is on the radio...the guy in the song is on TV...the guy in the song drives a Cadillac...Greg drives a Malibu, and Greg did not get a letter from Omaha begging him to come there...at least, as far as I know!

That is my biggest fear!

Greg and Dan are so good, that I'm afraid Chicago, St. Louis, or (heaven forbid) L.A. will scoop them up, and I'll be verklempt the rest of my life!

I'm getting away from the point of the story. Which is...umm...I forgot!

Hey, how's about baby George? 

He's really cute, but I heard that Kate said he was a real pain in the...

Oh, WAIT...I'm starting to remember my point!

I GOT IT! 

Greg Batton could act like he is way better than the rest of us, self important, aloof, and be a diva like Cher or Alec Baldwin, but he is really super cool! 

That's kind of refreshing to me.