THOUGHTFUL THURSDAY

I need to stop thinking about if everybody liked my blog, how many comments I received, and how many views are on the view meter.

I enjoy writing about stuff, and it helps me express some of my deepest feelings, which makes me feel a lot better when I'm done.

Don't get me wrong, I love it when a get a comment from someone, but I should not let it get me down when I get no responses from anybody, except my dear friend Cheryl, who is always there for me whenever she can possibly accomplish the task.

To tell you the truth, my fondest wish is that long after I'm dead, somebody discovers this blog and gets a few laughs from it, and thinks that I was kind of cool.

I think my desire for acceptance and attention started when I found out I was the baby of the family (youngest of 6), and I always compared myself, unfavorably, to my athletic, strong, super intelligent, older siblings.

Why is it I am never completely satisfied when I'm complemented on my singing, songwriting, comedy, or anything else?

I truly do appreciate it, but deep in my heart I often feel like they're just saying it because they love me, or because I've complimented them about something.

None of my suspicious feelings should matter at all.

I should be happy that people love me, and appreciate it when I praise them.

I give compliments to my friends on YouTube and Facebook  in all sincerity and honesty.

I can see something good, beautiful, thoughtful, cute, powerful, emotional, and a thousand other wonderful things in my friends videos, music and comments, and not even give a second thought to any imperfections that may exist in them, because their magical qualities become clear through the eyes of love!

One of my major mental problems over the years has been trying to cope with so many worries, fears, questions, shattered dreams, and so much more, all going on in my head at the same time.

Sometimes I couldn't sleep because of  the non-stop racing thoughts rushing around in my brain!

I empty them out on this page now.

I leave them here, and can sleep with an uncluttered mind most every night.

So, why should I worry about "likes", views, and comments?

I write this to keep my sanity,

to be a small part of humanity, 

to dump my cluttered brain, 

like washing it with healing rain.