The Magical Monkey (Original) by Danny Maness

The Cardinals Win!

Hey, hey, after 3 miserable losses to the Pitiful Pirates, the Cardinals win, win, win, 5 to 1 over them dirty pie-rats!!

I especially enjoyed Piscotty's 3 run homer! 

How many red blooded Cardinal fans, want to give this a high five?

FUNNY HOW THINGS CHANGE

Hi, gang! 

I've decided to discontinue Out Of This World Wednesday, due to numerous reasons.

1. Running out of ideas.

2. The few fans I had are cross with me.

3. It's more fun going freestyle, with no set topics or story lines to follow.

4. Because I can. 

You may have noticed the photo of my dog, Chevy, and me when you clicked on to the blog, however, if you didn't click on to the blog, you didn't see anything.

Too bad, because Chevy is cute.

So, if you have not clicked on to my blog, and are not seeing this, just ignore everything you haven't read.

That's not the point, anyways. The point is that I'm releasing all of my inner angst by writing this drivel, even if nobody reads it.

angst

äNG(k)st/

noun

1. a feeling of deep anxiety or dread, typically an unfocused one about the human condition or the state of the world in general.

I love the Cardinals bazeball team, and they will be coming on the telly in a few minutes, so I can't drag this out too long, which is to your benefit, gang!

I want to take this time to re-apologize to everyone who I have confused and disgruntled. 

Sorry, but I got hit in the head with a wooden swing as a young tater tot, and it discombobbled my tiny brain, everlastingly. True story.

No matter, I feel better now, and I hope you do too! 

Funny how things change.

OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY

Back To The Old West

Episode II

Rosie and Gary think it's a splendid idea to jump in the Away Back Machine and travel away back in time to the wild, wild west on Earth, circa 1879.

However, they first need to climb into the shape-shifter device, and change their appearances, so as not to frighten the earthlings when they arrive. 

Rosie steps into the beautiful blue ball looking device, and in just a few nano seconds is transformed into a purdy gal from the old west...













                 Rosie before transformation.                                                                                                                                                               Aftertransform-
                                                                          mation.

Next, Gary goes through the fascinating shape-shifting process, and here are the results...














Gary - "Rosie! You make a beauteous cowgirl, like Annie Oakley! How do I look!"

Rosie - "Do you want me to be honest, pard?"

Gary -"Sure, Miss Purdy!"

Rosie - "You look like Gabby Hayes!"

Gary - (Looks in a mirror) "Yikes!!! I DO look like Gabby Hayes!!! Oh, well, at least the earthlings will not know we're really Glirkazoids."

Rosie - "Let's go over our check list, Gary, and make sure we have all the items we need to survive in the old west."

Gary - "Surely!"

Rosie - "Don't call me Shirley!"

Rosie begins pulling items off the shelf, while Gary checks them off. 

Rosie - "Six shooters!"

Gary - "Check!"

Rosie - "Seven shooters!"

Gary - "NO check! There are no such things as seven shooters!"

Rosie - "Just seeing if you're paying attention, Skeezix."
"Lassos!"

Gary - "Check!" 

Rosie - "Boots and spurs!"

Gary - "Check!"

Rosie - "Two pieces of hoss flesh!"

Gary - "Two WHAT?!!"

Rosie - "That means two horses, wrangler! Remember how in cowboy movies, a cowboy will say to another cowboy, "You have a fine piece of hossflesh," referring to his horse?" 

Gary - "Oh, yeah, now I remember! I don't get it, but I remember! Unfortunately, we have no horses in stock, Miss Kitty."

Rosie - "No probleemo, we can bring some gold nuggets and buy a couple of pieces of hoss flesh when we get there."

Gary - "Ah ha!! I caught you, Rosie! You must have pocketed some of dem golden eggs, from the Golden Chicken Of Kluck , that we were SUPPOSED to hand over to the Museum Of Chicken Artifacts, you little bandit!"

Rosie - "No, Gary, you..."

Gary - "How else would you have gold nuggets, if not for your sticky fingers grabbing some of dem golden eggs, hmmm?"

Rosie - "Gary, Gary, don't make a fool out of yourself! Don't you remember..."

Gary - "Here, you lecture ME about not absconding with the Golden Chicken and her golden eggs, and I catch you red handed with gold nuggets, you little Bonnie Parker!"

Bonnie and Clyde

Rosie - "THE GOLDEN CHICKEN OF KLUCK PRODUCED PLATINUM EGGS, KNUCKLEHEAD!! NOT GOLD EGGS!!"

Gary - "Oh, that's right. My bad. Sorry!"

Rosie - "I accept your apology, Gary."

Gary - "By the way, where DID you get those gold nuggets?"

Rosie - "Good grief!!"

Join us next week, when Rosie and Gary FINALLY jump into the Away Back Device and begin their old west adventures...we hope...in OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY!!!!

OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY

Shake Speer once said, "Better it is to withstand the outrageous slings and arrows of misfortune, than to stand in line. in the rain, for two hours to get tickets to a Weird Al concert.

As you know, Rosie and Gary, super duper, superstar, super heroes from the planet of Glirka, have withstood mucho onslaughts, from slingshots, arrows, pea shooters, atomic weaponry, vicious, humongous, wild and crazy alien creatures...and Moe!

However, whom so-ever enters through the portholes of this particular OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY story, may find they would have rather stood in line for Weird Al tickets than experience the outrageous misfortune that Gary and Rosie are about to...um...experience!!!

Soooo, do you dare enter into this dark, dank, nasty realm of slimy creatures, evil machinations, death defying deeds of daring, and bloody bones and guts strewn all over da plaze?!!

If so...then...

Let's Roll

We open our bizarre, mysterious, abstract, somewhat humorous story with Gary and Rosie watching one of their favorite movies, in the on board theatre that is located on the starboard, aft side of the Silver Sausage Spazeship.

Gary - "Look out Cowboy Dan, the outlaws are behind you!"

Rosie - "Cowboy Dan can't hear you, knucklehead! It's only a movie!"

Gary - If it's only a movie, then why were you crying your eyes out when Darlin' Donna begged Cowboy Dan to not go out and face Dirty Dingus Magee in that gunfight on the streets of Laredo, hmm?"

Rosie - "Okay, let's face it. We LOVE the old time western movies, and REALLY get wrapped up in the stories. I wish we lived in those days of cowboys and cowgirls, rawhide, cattle drives, wagon trains, headin' 'em off at the pass, ropin', ridin' and wranglin'!"

Slow day in Tombstone

Gary - "No problemo, Rosie gal! We just happen to have a handy dandy time machine located on this very Silver Sausage spazeship, that can transmigrate us back to the old west on Earth!"

Rosie - "That sounds like fun, purdy pard! Let's do this little ole thang!"

Gary - "Do you REALLY think I'm purdy, Rosie?"

Rosie - "Did I say that? I, uh, meant, um, party, yeah, that's it, PARTY PARD, because you love to party so much!"

Gary - "Yeah, right...anyway, let me set the Away Back Machine, to the correct time and plaze."

Gary steps over to the Away Back Machine and enters the pertinent information that will whisk them back in time, quicker than a duck on a June bug! 

The display screen is set to...Earth...1879...Tombstone, Arizona.

Rosie - "STOP, GARY!! We can't go like this! We need to bring some essential western stuff to survive in the wild, wild west! Not only that, but we will need to change our appearance, 'cause the cowpokes ain't gonna cotton to little green alien creatures invading their Tombstone territory, no way, no how!" 

Gary - "You've got a good point, Rosie...but if you comb your hair differently, no one will notice! Ha ha, hee hee!"

Rosie - "Shut up, Dufus, and let's round up some essential cowboy stuff, before we jump into the "shape shifter" device, that will make us look like human beans!"

Have to sign off until next week..

Don't wanna wear out me eyes!!!

OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY

Episode Two

The Fliladdilators

Try saying the word, Fliladdilator, thirty times, very quickly, and see if your tongue doesn't cramp up. 

Right now, you're probably asking me, telepathically, who, are what is a Fliladdilator, correct? 

Well, pay no never mind to that at this point of the story. Our total focus and wrapped attention (how do you wrap attention, anyway) is on nothing but...

Yes, I DO know it's rapt attention for all of you who think I'm so dumm. 

Gary - "Good morning, Rosie! It's WONDERFUL to see you on this fantastic, PAZAZZ filled day!!"

Rosie - "It is AWESOME to see you, too, Gary, and I feel totally filled with PAZAZZ to the highest degree of PAZAZZYNESS!!"

Gary - "I'm JAZZED with PAZAZZ, Rosie! No one can ever say our blog is not CLIMACTIC, anymore!"

Rosie - "Are you saying this is the CLIMACTIC ending of the Fliladdilators story, already?"

Gary - "Righteo, Rosie!!"

Rosie - "But, you never even told us what a Fliladdilator is, numbskull!!"

Gary - "Makes no diff, girl! The main thing is to prevent having an anti-climactic ending, so as not to disappoint Big Gaz!" 

Rosie - "Then let's go for it, Gary!!!"

 

TAA DAA!!!!