Everybody Is You Know What. 

Any Guesses?

Kinda funny non-event, this morn'. I was scheduled to go see my "shrink," and the office called and said he's sick. 

That would not be kinda funny, except for the fact he didn't show up for our last session either. 

I may be a paranoid, conspiracy theorist, but I think I'm starting to see a pattern! 

Was it something I said?  Oh, I hope not! Out of my last 11 headshrinkers, he's my 3rd favorite!

His two minute sessions with me have been stressful on him. I can tell when his eye starts to twitch. 

That's the way life goes, I guess. Like all the times I came home from school and my family had moved, or when the high school football team mistook me for the football, frequently. 

Me, on knee, preparing to be kicked, circa 1966.

Maybe I can chalk it all up to me being a bit off the wall...socially screwed up...frightening...but I know the REAL reason I'm not accepted as readily as the run of the mill individual....

EVERYBODY'S JEALOUS OF ME!!!

I even wrote a song about it, entitled...

EVERYBODY'S JEALOUS OF ME!!!

Sung, roughly,  to the tune of Just Because

Why does everybody say I'm ugly,

Why does everybody say I'm weird,

Why do they tell me to hide my face,

With a big ole shaggy beard?

Why does everybody say I'm stupid,

Why does everybody say I'm dumb,

Why do they call me a lousy,

Stinkin', no good bum?

Oh, it's because...

Everybody's jealous of me,

Everybody's jealous of me,

They're showin' me the door,

But I have the key,

Everybody's jealous of me!

Everybody thinks I'm a goofball,

Everybody thinks I'm a nut,

Bury me upside down when I die,

So they can kiss my butt!

Why does everybody say I'm ignorant, 

And politically incorrect,

Why do they call me dummy,

And say I got big tummy,

Like a John Candy reject?

Oh, it's because...

Everybody's jealous of me,

Everybody's jealous of me,

They're showin' me the door,

But I have the key,

Everybody's jealous of me!

Everybody's jealous of me,

Everybody's jealous of me,

They're showin' me the door,

But I have the key,

Everybody's jealous of me!

Beware The Green Eyed Monster!!